Relationship “tests” aren’t always obvious. In my journey learning about male psychology and through observing real relationships develop over time, I’ve discovered that they’re almost never blatant.
They don’t resemble official tests like you might picture in your mind. These tests come in the form of delayed text responses, sarcastic jokes, small inconsistencies in effort and attention, or boundary pushing scenarios.
Another interesting part about this? Plenty of women don’t even realize these instances are tests. Their mind immediately assumes the guy is being confused, wrong, or even that he doesn’t care.
The truth is that in many scenarios, he really is just testing you. Not Evil Steven testing you to prove you’re unworthy of him, but casually and maybe subconsciously observing how you react emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally to certain situations.
We don’t want you to walk around paranoid and analyzing every single little thing your man does or says. But we do want you to understand certain patterns so you know what they might mean, and how to appropriately respond in a way that exudes confidence, emotional maturity, and self respect.
Here are 8 real life ways men test women in a relationship.
1. He becomes suddenly less available texting or calling
This is a real life test that occurs often. Let’s say a man was consistently texting you every day but then suddenly reduces his effort.
He starts taking longer to reply, says he’s really busy with work, or you are not talking as much as you used to for no reason.
He is secretly observing your emotional reaction to him becoming less available. Do you text him more and beg for attention? Do you question what happened?
Or do you continue your life and don’t worry about his inconsistent behavior?
Relationship Status: Testing emotional stability, attachment security, and how you value yourself around him.
Read also: 10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship
2. He makes a disrespectful joke about you
This is another form of real life testing. A guy will make a slightly disrespectful joke about you.
Example jokes include saying something sarcastic like “Ohhh you must be the jealous type?” or making a pass at another woman in front of you.
Surprisingly, this isn’t always done to be disrespectful. A lot of guys will joke around and say things they don’t mean just to gauge how you react.
Does he let the joke slide and never hear anything from you? Do you force a laugh then stay quiet for the rest of the night?
You say something along the lines of “that’s not cool”. How you enforce your boundaries and stand up for yourself in moments like these speak volumes about your level of self respect.
Relationship Status: Testing boundaries.
Read also: 21 Important Questions to Ask Before Starting a Relationship
3. He talks about other women
Here’s a common reality scenario. A guy will mention another woman, his coworker, a woman that hit on him, or what his ex was like.
Some women feel immediate jealousy and insecurity. However, men usually do this test to see your reaction.
Example: “My coworker told me I look good today.”
He will say something about another woman and simply watch your reaction. Do you go quiet? Do you change the subject? Do you freak out?
Some women will allow him to bring other women into conversations all the time without repercussions. Others will kick him to the curb for even suggesting there are other attractive women in the world.
Relationship Status: Testing emotional security and jealousy levels.
Read also: 8 Reasons Men Disappear After Acting Interested in You
4. He disagrees with you over something small
Guess what else is a real test? Arguing with you about something minor.
Perhaps you both had different opinions on what to do that weekend, he misunderstood your text, or you just don’t agree on something small.
Example: You want to hang out Saturday and he tells you he wants to stay home.
He doesn’t care who is right or wrong in the situation. He’s simply observing how you argue. Do you scream at him? Do you shut down?
Obviously, no one likes to argue but you can still remain calm and communicate when you don’t see eye to eye.
Relationship Status: Testing your conflict resolution skills.
5. He stops putting in effort
This was another pattern I noticed while analyzing my past relationships. I noticed that some of my exes would decrease the effort they put into our relationship after a while.
Whether it was picking up on dates less often, texting less, or suddenly becoming less charming, some men pull this test subconsciously to see how you react.
Will you text him less in return? Will you blow up at him? Or will you continue to put in the same amount of effort regardless?
Relationship Status: He wants to see if you are consistent or if your effort depends on his.
6. He gives you less attention or emotional space
This is similar to him becoming less available, but a more subtle example would be him giving you less attention.
Example: He spends the entire day with his friends and does not respond to your texts ASAP.
Men are not always purposefully “giving you the cold shoulder” when they do this. It is more so them testing your need for attention and emotional dependence.
If you get anxious, start demanding his attention, or accuse him of changing, then you are emotionally dependent on his attention.
Emotionally independent women allow their partner to have space when they need it without questioning them about every other life detail.
Relationship Status: Testing your emotional independence.
7. He avoids commitment talk or pushes you away
If a man does not want to label the relationship early on, he will usually avoid talking about it.
Examples of this include where you see this going, making future plans, or simply saying the words “we”.
If you bring up the topic he will say things like “let’s take things slow”, “we do not need a label”, or something along those lines.
After he says this, he watches how you handle that uncertainty.
Do you freak out and ask him where you two stand every other day? Or can you stay calm and let things progress on their own?
Relationship Status: Seeing how you handle what he perceives as rejection or pressure.
8. He tests your boundaries
Last but not least, some of the best relationship tests come in the form of boundary pushing situations.
These can be literal tests like asking you to do him a favor you know you do not want to do. Or they can be emotional tests.
Examples: pushing you to spend more time with him than you have available, testing your ability to say “no” when you do not feel like going out.
Another way he may test your ability to say no is by challenging your boundaries. He could potentially say something you do not agree with just to observe how you handle rejecting his idea.
Relationship Signs: Wanting to see if you have a healthy level of self respect and know how to say no.
Final Thoughts
Tests in relationships come in all forms. They are not always going to be a serious situation where he asks you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
Most tests will occur during daily situations you would not think much of. Whether it be him suddenly becoming less available, shifting his attitude slightly, or even creating minor disagreements.
He is not Superman reading your mind on purpose. But men do subconsciously observe how women react to certain situations.
You should never walk around analyzing every single thing your man does or question his intentions every five seconds.
At the same time, it does not hurt to know common tests and ensure your reactions are coming from a place of confidence and high self esteem.
If you have respect for yourself, you will not be playing mind games trying to figure out if he is testing you. You will automatically respond in a mature manner that confirms you are emotionally available for the right guy.
Relationship Tests FAQ
Are men really testing women in relationships?
They are not always doing it purposefully, but most guys subconsciously test women to see how they will react in certain situations.
What are some common tests guys give girls in relationships?
One of the most common ways men test women is by suddenly becoming less available to them.
Is it bad if I fail a test he gives me?
Not necessarily. If you know you responded out of insecurity or fear, work on that instead of overanalyzing every situation.
Do all guys test girls in relationships?
Some more than others, but nearly every guy subconsciously tests women at some point or another.
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