“There’s nothing majorly wrong… I just don’t feel right anymore.”
I’ve heard many variations of this sentence, but it came up one time when I was speaking to someone recently. And the reason why it stuck with me is because most of us could relate to those exact words.
It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly is “wrong” when everything you can logically think of seems fine.
Sometimes being in the wrong relationship means your relationship isn’t filled with outrageous drama or betrayal or clearly obvious signs that you need to run for the hills. Sometimes being in the wrong relationship means everything can look so “fine” on paper that you yourself trick yourself into thinking you should stay.
So you stay…
Wrong relationships are tricky. They don’t always come with neon signs and a starting countdown. They creep in through the small, subtle things you feel, think, and experience day after day.
If you’ve been feeling a little stuck lately and wondering if you’re in the wrong relationship despite trying to make it work, these 10 real signs will shed some light.
10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship
1. You Feel More Drained Than Fulfilled
Relationships should add to your life, not take from it. Yes, there will be days that aren’t “great,” but overall you should feel supported and fulfilled more than you feel drained.
If you constantly feel emotionally exhausted after spending time with your partner, or you feel like you need to “recover” from them, that’s a red flag.
Your emotional well being is always telling you when something is right or wrong. You know your body best. Don’t ignore how you feel.
Read also: 10 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over
2. You Find Yourself Continuously Trying to “Fix” Things by Yourself
All relationships take work. But they shouldn’t feel like you’re putting in all of the work.
If you find yourself constantly having to initiate conversation, keeping the relationship alive, reminding them of things, or always trying to fix issues that come up, it will drain you over time.
You will begin to feel as if you’re the only one holding on to this relationship and your partner can just go along with life.
Healthy relationships aren’t one sided. If you find yourself always fixing things, maybe it’s time to question if you should even be fixing it at all.
Read also: How to Walk Away From a Relationship (10 Steps)
3. You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore
This may seem like a silly one, but pay attention to how you’ve changed since being with this person.
Are you quieter? More anxious? Less playful? Holding back parts of yourself to avoid conflict? Caring what every little thing they think?
Simply: You aren’t showing up as your TRUE SELF.
When you feel as if you’ve lost your sense of self identity in a relationship, that is a big sign that something isn’t right.
Read also: 10 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over
4. You Stop Trying to Communicate
Whether you fully admit it or not, at some point you stopped trying to communicate with your partner.
You don’t feel like anything you say will matter or change how they feel or see the situation. So you just give up and keep things to yourself.
There comes a point in every relationship where communication breaks down and stops being healthy.
If you can’t effectively communicate with your partner, it’ll be hard for you to feel connected to them.
5. You Feel Lonely Even When You’re With Them
I think this speaks for itself.
You spend time with your partner, but you don’t feel connected to them. You don’t feel the energy, emotion, or understanding that you should.
Loneliness in a relationship is different than simply being alone. When you’re lonely, it sucks because you have someone there, but you don’t feel that actual companionship or friendship.
If you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner, your relationship will always feel empty.
6. You Find Yourself Making Excuses For Them & The Relationship
Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.
You know what I’m talking about…
“Maybe they were just having a bad day.”
“They didn’t mean to come across that way.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
If you find yourself making excuses for your partner and your relationship, you may be in denial.
Your gut feelings and internal boundaries are there for a reason. If you’re constantly overriding them to stay in a relationship, something isn’t right.
7. You Spend More Time Focusing on What Used to Be Than What Is Now
When you sit down and really think about your relationship, you think of how things used to be.
You remember how it felt in the beginning. You think about the connection you two used to have and wish you still had now.
But if you focus on what used to be instead of what is now, you’re living in the past.
Relationships change over time. The only way to rid of this constant comparison is by gaining clarity on the relationship you have now.
8. Your Needs Are Constantly Not Being Met
We all have needs in a relationship, whether they’re emotional, physical, or mental needs.
I’m not saying your partner needs to meet 100% of your needs ALL the time, but if you’ve communicated what you need and it never changes, you’re going to grow frustrated.
You might even find yourself lowering your standards just to keep your partner.
When you no longer feel like your needs are being met, you may find yourself staying in relationships out of comfort rather than happiness.
9. You Feel Anxious More Often Than You Feel Secure
Do you ever feel like you can’t completely let your guard down?
You constantly find yourself questioning your relationship or feeling anxious about where you stand or what your partner is thinking?
When you feel more anxious than secure in your relationship, it means your emotional needs aren’t being met.
Emotional security is important. Without it, you will constantly be seeking that validation from your partner and yourself.
10. You Just Know
You know that feeling I’m talking about. The feeling where something is telling you this just isn’t right.
Logically, you try to deny it and tell yourself things will get better. You want to be optimistic because deep down you still have feelings for this person.
But that voice won’t go away. You know something is up.
When you just know, you know. Your intuition knows things before your mind does. And if you’re intuitively being pushed away repeatedly by your partner, it’s time to listen.
Conclusion
Your relationship not “feeling” right isn’t always black and white.
You could be in the most dramatic, toxic relationship possible, or you could be in a relationship that seems “okay” on the surface, but internally you hate it.
If you found yourself mentally checking off some of these signs, try sitting with how you feel about those signs.
Yes, your relationship might be “wrong,” but is it worth walking away from?
Only you can decide what’s best for you, but you deserve the honest truth about your relationship.
If you’re in the wrong relationship, clinging onto it will only cause you more pain in the long run.
Don’t pretend these signs don’t apply to you because deep down you already know they do… Now it’s time to decide what you’re going to do about it.
FAQ
How do you know if you’re really in the wrong relationship?
Sometimes your relationship may not be black and white. But if you feel a consistent lack of connection, security, and your needs not being met, chances are you’re in the wrong relationship.
Can the wrong relationship turn into the right one?
Yes, but only if both parties are willing to accept what needs to be worked on and put in the effort to make it work.
Is it normal to feel lost about my relationship?
YES. It’s perfectly normal to feel every mixture of emotions when it comes to your relationship, especially if you care about your partner and have history with them.
Why do I stay in the wrong relationship?
Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us stay in relationships due to emotional attachments and fear of being alone.
What should I do if my relationship has some of these signs?
Take a deep look within yourself. What do you want? What are you going to do about it? Communicate with your partner or cut your losses and start again. (Hint: there is NO expiration date on starting over.)
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