I’m pretty knowledgeable about men. I have spent sometime working with them while helping women understand why some men lack romance. I’ve learned that many women have this belief that a man will either “get” it or he won’t. They expect romance to come naturally if he loves you. While this can be true in many cases, I hate to break it to you…it just isn’t always true.
I’ve talked to many guys who loved their girlfriends more than life itself but just didn’t know how to be romantic. Some grew up without affection at home. Some were taught that being romantic is “corny.” Some literally just didn’t know how to give love in ways that fed your emotional love tank. He can provide for you, be faithful, spend a lot of time with you, but still fail at making you feel loved emotionally because romance might as well be Chinese to him.
That’s where this post comes into play. If your boyfriend is lacking in the romance department, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or care about you. It just means he may need some guidance, emotional permission, and examples of what feeds your heart. Guys can absolutely become more romantic when taught how. It’s not going to happen through criticism, insults, or comparing him to other men who are naturally gifted with romance. So let’s chat about how to teach him WITHOUT destroying his ego.
How to Teach Your Boyfriend to Be Romantic: 8 Tips
1. Stop Assuming He Automatically Knows What Romance Means
A lot of women make this mistake by expecting their boyfriend to automatically know what they consider romantic. To you, leaving sweet texts around, planning dates, bringing home flowers, giving compliments, or flirting may be the bare minimum in your relationship. To him, spending time with you and providing for you may be more than enough to prove his love.
Men tend to have a different emotional language when it comes to relationships. Some men never learned how to be tender with a woman. Some men don’t think romance is important unless it’s your birthday, anniversary, or Valentine’s Day. When you have different emotional love languages, it’s going to cause frustration when he fails your romantic expectations that he may have never known existed.
Stop expecting him to read your mind. Get specific about what you consider romantic. Send him little lists of things that you wish he would do randomly that would “turn you on.” Maybe you wish he would text you sweet things during the day to remind you that he’s thinking of you. Maybe you want him to plan dates instead of just asking you what you feel like doing. Maybe you want him to verbally compliment you more or hold your hand in public. The point is, if you don’t tell him what you want, how will he ever know?
Read also: 50 Heart-Touching Love Messages for Boyfriend
2. Appreciate Him When He Does Try
If your boyfriend makes an attempt to be romantic in any way, shape, or form…LET HIM KNOW! Guys stop trying when their efforts are met with criticism. He bought you snacks at work? Send him a sweet text thanking him. Planned an impromptu date? Express how much you appreciate him taking the time to plan something just for you both. He remembered something meaningful to you? Celebrate that!
The more he feels criticized, the less effort he will put into pleasing you. You don’t want to keep your boyfriend on an emotional roller coaster of frustration, do you? The more you allow him to fail your expectations and give up, the less motivated he will be to try. As long as he feels encouraged and knows that his efforts were valued, he will want to continue trying in the future.
Building positive relationship habits now will help him learn how to be romantic to you without you having to constantly nag him about it.
Read also: 100 Reasons Why I Love You Boyfriend Jar Ideas
3. Lead By Example
Want your man to text you cute things all day? Send him some cute texts. Wish he would plan more dates? Be the girl who plans surprises for him. Want more compliments? Give him compliments on the things you enjoy about him. You catch my drift.
Some men aren’t great with words or showing emotion. They aren’t manholes because they don’t know how, NOT because they don’t want to. If you model the behavior you wish he would show towards you, many men will naturally pick up on it and give it right back to you.
Stop complaining about how your boyfriend should be loving on you ALL the time and start showing him how it’s done.
Read also: 10 Important Things You Should Know About Your Boyfriend
4. Avoid Comparing Him to Your Exes or Other Men
I get it. Venting about your boyfriend is healthy. When you say “all men” act a certain way or DO THESE THINGS, you’re indirectly calling him inadequate. Try talking about how YOU wish things were in your relationship instead of focusing on other men.
You want him to plan romantic dates? Let him know that dating you is important to you and tell him some of your favorite date ideas. Want him to text you more? Tell him how much joy it brings you when he randomly sends you sweet texts. Be specific and allow him to step up to the plate.
Trust me. He doesn’t need the pressure of living up to some imaginary Instagram boyfriend. When you point out all the ways other men DO THINGS BETTER than him, he instantly tunes you out.
Communication is key in every relationship. If you want your boo to change, you have to be willing to meet him halfway.
5. Teach Him the Little Things That Make You Feel Loved
Many women get stuck focusing on grand gestures in a relationship that her boyfriend SHOULD be providing. The issue with this is, what happens when you’re not spending any romantic dates or having his friends watch the kids? What happens when you want things to be romantic, but you’re alone at home on a Saturday night?
Real relationship building comes when the small things are consistent. Do you love when he surprises you with your favorite candy after work? Tell him that! Does him saying sweet nothings in your ear make you melt? Tell him how much you love it when he DOES that!
If he never knows these things, how will he know to keep doing them? Tell your boyfriend the little things he can do to keep your love tank full when you’re in the boring parts of your relationship.
6. Create A Safe Place For Him To Be Vulnerable
When men don’t know how to be romantic, it’s typically because they lack experience with opening up emotionally. Some men were made to believe showing emotion is weak. Others were simply never taught how to be romantic.
You cannot force someone to be romantic who feels emotionally unsafe with you.
Let me repeat that.
If you poke fun at him when he tries to tell you something sweet, guess what he’s NOT going to want to do? SAY SOMETHING SWEET!
Allow him to feel safe expressing his emotions around you WITHOUT judgment. The more comfortable he feels with you emotionally, the more likely he will be willing to show YOU those tender emotions.
7. Stop Settling For Bare Minimum Effort
You know the saying about how you’re teaching him how to treat you? It’s so freaking true.
If your boyfriend is never there when you need him, ignores your calls, makes excuses for why he can’t provide for you, or is selfish with his time, you may have a bigger problem than him not being romantic.
The biggest problem I see women making is excusing rude behavior as “him not being romantic.” News flash. If he’s making you feel undesirable, then yes, he IS being romantic by breaking your heart every chance he gets.
You can be patient with your boo, but you should NOT lower your standards either. If he doesn’t make you feel good about who you are, THEN he shouldn’t be your boo. Period.
8. Understand That Romance Comes In Different Forms
Ladies. Some men show they love you by loud expressions of affection. Others are quieter but show you in different ways.
Yes, you should teach him the things that you NEED to feel loved. But also recognize the things he does that most people wouldn’t think is romantic.
He fixes things around the house when they’re broken. That’s romantic.
He always comes home after work to spend time with you. That’s romantic.
He listens when you talk and retains the things you tell him. That’s romantic.
Yes, you should encourage the things YOU need more of. But also learn to recognize and appreciate the romantic things he does do for you.
Building a relationship with your boyfriend takes give and take from BOTH people. Don’t just demand more from him…recognize the things he DOES give you.
Remember when I mentioned about some men lacking emotional vocabulary with relationships? Learn to balance the two.
Does he still need to improve in areas? Of course! But when you notice how much he DOES do for you, you allow him to feel appreciated, which will make him WANT to do more for you.
Conclusion
Teaching your boyfriend how to be romantic can be tricky. If you expect him to automatically know HOW to make you feel loved WITHOUT communicating that to him, you’re going to have a tough time. The best tip I can give you is to remember that just like you, he isn’t a mind reader.
Romance should be fun, not stress inducing. Tell him what makes you feel loved, appreciate the little things he does for you, and allow him to openly express himself around you without judgment.
If he wants to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, he will listen, learn, and adapt his ways to your love language.
If he doesn’t…time to reevaluate if he’s truly meant to be your happily ever after.
FAQ
Can a man learn how to be more romantic?
Yes. Many men simply were never taught how to express romance emotionally. With communication, encouragement, and consistency, many men can improve in this area.
Should I tell my boyfriend exactly what I want romantically?
Yes. Being specific helps him understand your emotional needs instead of forcing him to guess what makes you feel loved.
What if my boyfriend still doesn’t try after I communicate?
If he consistently ignores your needs and makes no effort to improve, you may need to reevaluate whether the relationship is emotionally fulfilling for you.
Is romance different for every person?
Absolutely. Some people show love verbally, while others express it through actions, consistency, time, or acts of service.
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