I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who had been married for almost twenty years. We were discussing relationships that made it and relationships that seemed like they should make it but fell apart.
I asked him what was different about the couples who made it vs. those who didn’t.
His response floored me.
He didn’t mention good looks, fancy dates, or even matching personalities. He talked about compatibility.
He explained that most couples confuse chemistry with compatibility. Yes, chemistry can make your heart race and fill your life with excitement. Compatibility is what allows two people to come together and support each other when the real world happens.
His words have stuck with me because I’ve watched relationships unfold like this so many times before. Sure, two people may love each other to pieces, but they simply cannot make it work because they fight too much or are incompatible in key areas of their life. But when two people are compatible, they’ll laugh through disagreements, grow with each other, and enjoy a connection that lasts.
If you’re wondering whether you and your partner are compatible, signs of a compatible couple can help you identify whether you two will work long term or if your relationship is destined to fail.
True compatibility isn’t about being identical to your partner in every way. It’s about how you and your significant other work together in each area of your life.
Here are ten signs you and your partner are compatible:
1. You Have Similar Values
Every relationship is built on a foundation of values. Values are what drive you to do the things you do in life. They’re what guide you when making important decisions.
You and your partner don’t have to have matching values in every area. In fact, that’s pretty much impossible. But if you share similar views on honesty, loyalty, family, commitment, respect, and being responsible, you’re on the right track.
Couples with different values fight more because they literally want different things in life. One might value family, while the other prioritizes being alone. One may value saving money, while the other is a big spender.
Sharing similar values means you’re both on the same page when it comes to the things that really matter in life.
Read also: 105 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married
2. You Communicate Without Fear
Communication is compatibility in its simplest form. If you can talk to your partner about anything without fear of him or her freaking out or getting angry, you two have a great foundation.
Compatible couples don’t shy away from the topics that make them uncomfortable. They speak what’s on their heart, listen to each other, and try to understand where the other person is coming from.
Of course, you and your partner will have arguments from time to time. Everyone does. But if you’re both truly making an effort to understand each other, that’s what matters.
When you communicate effectively, you build trust, emotional intimacy, and a connection that can weather any storm.
Read also: 6 Things You Should Never Tell Your Partner in a Relationship
3. Spending Time Together Isn’t Work
If you enjoy doing things with your partner, that’s a great sign. Simple as that.
Some couples are only happy when they’re out doing something romantic or exciting. The second they sit down with no distractions, things instantly go wrong.
But when you’re compatible with your partner, you enjoy spending time with them whether you’re doing crazy adventures or watching Netflix and chilling.
You can have fun during special occasions, but you don’t have to constantly do things together to be happy as a couple. If you’re comfortable with your partner when the world around you fades away, that’s compatibility.
Read also: 5 Unique Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him
4. You Handle Conflict in a Healthy Way
All couples fight. Seriously.
It’s how you fight that determines whether or not you’re compatible with your partner.
Do you go for each other’s throats whenever you have an argument? Do you hurl insults back and forth and say hurtful things that you’ll both regret later? If these types of arguments are the norm for you, you guys are not compatible.
When you and your partner argue, do you focus on the problem or each other? Compatible couples argue without dragging each other down.
You may get heated, but you still respect each other. There is no constant abuse or toxic behavior when you fight.
Arguments don’t tear you apart because you view yourselves as a team, even during disagreements.
5. Your Goals and Aspirations Align
Similar life goals = compatibility.
You and your partner don’t have to have the same five year plans. But you should at least have similar visions for your life.
If your person wants to live at home forever but you’re craving marriage and kids, then you’ve got problems. If your partner dreams of riches while you live paycheck to paycheck, that won’t work either.
You both might have different ideas about what you want, but your end game should line up.
When you’re compatible in this area, making big decisions won’t feel like a battle. You’ll grow together because you share the same vision for the future.
6. You Respect Your Differences
Believe it or not, opposites can attract. Some people are extroverts while others are introverts. Some people love to make plans while others are more spontaneous.
Different personality traits don’t always equal incompatible partners.
As long as you and your partner respect each other, little things like these won’t matter.
Maybe you’re the spender while your partner is the saver. Maybe you like to party, but your partner is a homebody. Again, none of this matters if you respect each other.
If you can accept each other the way you are while encouraging positive changes, then odds are you’re compatible.
7. You Trust Each Other Implicitly
Trust is compatibility in its finest form.
When you trust your partner, you don’t question their every move. You don’t assume they’re going to hurt you. You trust them to do what they say they’ll do.
You trust them with your heart, your emotions, your body, and your life.
When your significant other trusts you like that, you’ll protect that trust with everything you have.
Trust is what allows both of you to feel safe in your relationship.
8. You Want the Best for Each Other
The right partner wants to see you win just as badly as you want to see them win.
You root for your partner’s success and happiness.
They don’t get jealous or insecure when good things happen to you. In fact, they celebrate your accomplishments with you.
You want your partner to be the best version of themselves, and they want the same for you.
This sign goes hand in hand with trust. When you trust someone, you automatically want what’s best for them.
9. You’re Comfortable Around Them
Maybe this one seems obvious, but you feel at ease around your partner.
You don’t feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You can be yourself around them, and they accept you for who you are.
You can be vulnerable around your partner. You don’t fear judgment from them because you know they love you for everything that you are.
Other signs of compatibility will ebb and flow, but if you can be yourself with your partner, you’re compatible.
You’re comfortable because you know your relationship is solid.
10. You Complete Each Other
I saved the best sign of compatibility for last.
You and your partner help each other become better people.
Your relationship makes you kinder, smarter, more confident, and emotionally healthy.
You bring the best out of each other.
Looking back at your life with your partner, you know that they helped you grow into the best version of yourself.
When you have all, or most, of these signs in your relationship, you can say for sure that you and your partner are compatible.
Like I said before, no couple is perfect. You will have arguments and face problems just like any other couple. The difference is that you and your partner can work through anything because you’re compatible.
Conclusion
Do you and your partner click on every level? If most of these applied to your relationship, then congratulations!
You got yourself a partner you’re compatible with.
Chemistry is fun, and it certainly brings two people together, but compatibility is what keeps them there through thick and thin.
Ignore the signs of compatibility at your own peril. If your relationship is lacking in several of these areas, don’t stress! You can always work on becoming more compatible with your partner.
Just because your relationship may be lacking compatibility now doesn’t mean it will always be that way. Take the steps to improve your relationship by working on yourselves and each other.
With hard work and patience, you can build a partnership with your partner that will last a lifetime.
FAQ
What does being compatible mean in a relationship?
Compatibility means two people work well together in each area of their life. Whether it’s communication, goals, values, or conflict resolution, compatible people have learned how to make things work.
Can compatible people have different personalities?
Yes. Again, compatibility is not about having two people with identical traits. You can be complete opposites and still be compatible as long as you respect each other and have other areas of compatibility.
Is compatibility more important than physical attraction?
Compatibility and chemistry serve two different purposes. You can be physically attracted to someone and never talk to them again. But when you’re compatible with someone, you have a better chance of developing a lasting connection with them.
How do you know if you’re compatible with someone?
Look for the signs mentioned above. If you and your partner check most of them off this list, you’re most likely compatible. Things like communication, trust, and shared values are good indicators.
Can compatibility grow over time?
Definitely! You can learn how to become more compatible with your partner by improving your communication, setting goals together, and supporting each other.
What are signs you and your partner are incompatible?
The complete opposite of this list. Trying to make your relationship work with someone who has incompatible values, refuses to communicate, and doesn’t trust you will cause you many years of heartache.
Can a relationship work if the partners are incompatible?
They can stay together, but will constantly face problems. Some couples are able to learn how to become compatible enough to make the relationship work. But for the most part, compatibility will make your relationship much stronger.
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