Most marriages don’t fail because people fell out of love.
They fail because assumptions were made.
Too many couples get married without ever asking each other the tough questions before it was too late.
They assume they are compatible when they weren’t tested.
They assume they understand each other when they didn’t communicate.
Until one day years later, problems arise that could’ve been detected way earlier if they had just asked the right questions early on.
That’s why I put together this list of 105 questions.
These are deep questions about the marriage fundamentals:
- Emotional compatibility
- Communication
- Conflict resolution
- Finances
- Career ambitions
- Expectations
- Family
- Children
- Sex life
- Future vision
- Daily habits
…and more!
If you ask these questions before marriage, you’ll learn a LOT about your partner that you’ll carry with you on your wedding day.
Ready to dive in?
105 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married
1. Emotional Compatibility & Communication (11 Questions)
Emotional compatibility is crucial to a successful marriage.
If you’re not deeply connected on an emotional level, love will be tough to maintain through the hardships.
You should ask these questions to get on the same page about how you both feel, handle emotions, and communicate during conflict.
Remember: Healthy communication is essential for a relationship to work. If you don’t know how your partner deals with their feelings or emotions, frustrations are bound to build over time.
Ask these questions:
- How do you handle emotional pressure?
- How do you prefer to communicate when feeling stressed?
- What do you do to make your partner feel emotionally supported?
- How do you give physical affection when angry?
- How do you quickly lighten the mood during arguments?
- How do you prefer to deal with conflict?
- How do you respond when you feel wronged?
- How do you handle it when your partner shuts down?
- How do you verbally abuse your partner when angry?
- What is your biggest emotional weakness?
- How do you rebuild emotional connections?
Read also: 205 Weird Questions to Ask People
2. Core Values & Life Philosophy (11 Questions)
You need to know what your partner truly values about life before marriage.
Our core values determine our long term decision making, priorities, and direction in life.
When couples value different things in life, small decisions become giant fights years down the road.
That’s why asking your partner about their life values is important.
Ask these questions:
- What does living a meaningful life mean to you?
- What values can you never compromise on?
- How do you define success?
- How important is religion in your life?
- What do you think is the purpose of marriage?
- How important is it to be honest with you, even when the truth hurts?
- What do you value most about forgiveness?
- What values do you think make a family strong?
- How would you define loyalty to a partner?
- What values guide your decisions in life?
- What type of person do you refuse to become?
Read also: 50 Weird Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
3. Finances & Money (11 Questions)
Arguments about money are some of the leading causes of divorce.
It’s not about how much money you make. It’s about your money mindset.
How you and your partner view money matters.
That’s why financial planning for couples is important.
You should feel on the same page about spending habits, saving habits, financial goals, and responsibilities.
Ask these questions:
- Are you more of a spender or saver?
- How do you feel about joint bank accounts?
- What are your financial goals for the next 5 to 10 years?
- Do either of you have any debt or loans?
- How do you handle unexpected bills?
- What does financial stability mean to you?
- Who do you believe should be in charge of money in a marriage?
- What are your thoughts about investing money?
- How important is financial independence to you?
- If we got into financial struggles, what would you do?
- How do you feel about budgeting?
Read also: 50 Random Questions to Ask Your Crush
4. Family, Background, & In Laws (10 Questions)
When you marry someone, you also marry their family.
You don’t realize how complicated family dynamics can be until you get married.
These questions will help you uncover how your partner feels about their family, family involvement, and how they handle in law relationships.
Ask these questions:
- How would you describe your relationship with your family?
- How involved do you expect them to be in our marriage?
- What involvement do you expect from in laws?
- Do you have difficulty telling your family no?
- What family traditions are important to you?
- How do you handle conflict with your family?
- Are you financially dependent on your parents?
- What responsibilities do you have toward your parents?
- How do you feel about living close to family?
- What complications do you foresee with your family?
5. Children & Parenting (10 Questions)
If you have children in the future, you need to be on the same parenting page.
You don’t have to have the same parenting style, but you should have a level of agreement.
If kids are in your future, ask these questions.
Ask these questions:
- Do you want kids?
- How many kids do you want?
- How would you describe your ideal parenting style?
- How do you think you’d handle discipline?
- What values do you want to teach your kids?
- How important is education to you?
- Would you want one of us to stay at home?
- Would you ever consider adopting kids?
- How important is religion to raise children?
- What scares you about becoming a parent?
6. Conflict Resolution & Arguments (10 Questions)
Arguments are part of every marriage.
It’s how you learn to manage and navigate disagreements that will set you both up for a lifetime of happiness or misery.
Communication is important!
How you argue, resolve, and move on from fights is crucial.
Here are the questions every couple should ask each other:
- How do you handle arguments in a relationship?
- Do you need space or immediate resolution when fighting?
- What do you do that makes your partner feel ignored?
- How do you give a sincere apology?
- How do you forgive someone who hurt you?
- Are you someone that holds a grudge?
- What are your biggest triggers when it comes to arguments?
- How do you react when your partner shuts you out?
- How do you think arguments should be handled?
- How can we regain trust after cheating?
7. Physical Intimacy & Sex Life (10 Questions)
Physical and emotional intimacy are both important aspects of a happy marriage.
Neither one is more important than the other, but you should be on the same page about your needs.
Sex Questions to Ask Your Wife or Husband:
- How important is physical intimacy to you?
- How do you like to give your partner affection?
- How do you feel loved?
- What are your deal breakers in the bedroom?
- What physical habits of mine make you happy when dating?
- How do you feel about your sex life right now?
- What makes you feel unattractive to me?
- How should we communicate our physical needs?
- What role does physical touch play in how you show love?
- How can we keep the romance alive long term?
8. Daily Habits & Lifestyle (10 Questions)
You don’t realize how dysfunctional some people’s daily habits can be until you live with them.
How they clean, sleep, spend free time, etc. can make you crazy.
Fortunately, you don’t have to have identical schedules or lifestyle habits as your partner. But you should be aligned on how you’ll operate day to day.
Here are the questions to ask:
- Morning person or night owl?
- How do you like to spend your downtime?
- Are you messy or tidy?
- Introvert or extrovert?
- How will household chores be split?
- What daily habits of your partner annoy you the most?
- How do you unwind after a long day?
- Do you thrive more on routine or spontaneity?
- What do you imagine our home looking like?
- How do you handle stress at home?
9. Ambition, Careers, & Goals (11 Questions)
A happy marriage allows you to grow as individuals—not hold each other back.
Of course, you can support each other’s dreams, but you should also know what your partner expects career wise.
These questions will help you uncover how far your partner wants to take their career and what their definition of success is.
Ask these questions:
- What are your career ambitions?
- How important is it for you to be successful in life?
- If we had to move for your job, would you be willing?
- How do you balance work and home life?
- What drives you to do well at work?
- Have you ever considered changing your career path?
- How do you define personal growth?
- What does financial freedom mean to you?
- How do you bounce back from career setbacks?
- What are your career goals for the next ten years?
- How can your partner support you in achieving your goals?
10. Future Vision & Expectations (11 Questions)
At the end of the day, you’re not just creating a relationship—you’re building a future together.
These questions will help you uncover what you both envision for your lives down the road.
Expectations are important! You need to be on the same page about what you BOTH want out of life.
Asking your partner these types of questions can help you gain clarity on whether you truly envision the same future.
Here are the final questions:
- Where do you see yourself living in 10 years?
- What type of lifestyle do you hope to one day provide?
- What does success look like in your marriage?
- How do you picture our future together?
- What are your biggest fears about marriage?
- What do you expect from me as your partner?
- How do you define being married for life?
- How important will alone time be in our relationship?
- What legacy do you hope to leave behind?
- How happy do you think marriage will make you?
- Are you ready for marriage?
Conclusion
Don’t go into marriage blindly.
These are all questions you should be asking your significant other before you walk down the aisle.
Marriage requires alignment in MANY areas of life, and if you can pinpoint differences early on, you have the power to learn and grow from each other.
I want you to understand that these 105 questions are not meant to scare you.
Quite the opposite.
If you take the time to ask your partner these questions and listen closely to their answers, you’ll have less unknowns and build a stronger emotional connection.
Love is nice. But knowledge is what sustains love long term.
Knowing your partner on a deeper level BEFORE you get married is the best way to prepare for a lifetime of happiness.
Go ahead and download the free worksheet below.
FAQ
Why are marriage questions important before you get married?
They allow you to discover incompatible life areas before it’s too late.
When is the best time to ask these marriage questions?
Ideally, before you get engaged. However, these can be asked at any point during a relationship if you’re truly committed to figuring it out.
Will these questions prevent my partner and me from getting a divorce?
They’ll allow you to discover potential deal breakers early on. However, you still need to maintain healthy communication when you get married.
What category of questions is the most important?
There’s no right answer. However, many relationship experts would agree that emotional compatibility and learning how you fight are the top predictors of divorce.
Should I and my partner answer these questions every year?
Absolutely. People change, and just because you agree on something now doesn’t mean you will feel the same in 5 or 10 years.
Save the pin for later
