Love is one of the greatest gifts in life. There’s nothing like it.
But love is also one of the most misunderstood concepts.
Through my study and research of relationships over the years, I’ve discovered something interesting about most failed relationships:
They don’t start off by having bad partners. They start off with ideas about love that just weren’t true.
We grew up on fairy tales and Facebook posts that made love look magical. We were told that the right person would complete us and know what we need without having to say a word.
But too often, those fairytale ideas are debunked as soon as two people start living life together.
When life doesn’t match up to our fairy tale ideas of what love is supposed to be, we often assume that something must be wrong with our relationship.
When, in reality, our expectations about love are what need to be corrected.
If you’ve ever wondered why love seems so much harder than you expected it to be, keep reading.
Together, we’ll uncover eight love lies we’ve believed all our lives. Once we identify these lies, we can replace them with truths that will help you build healthier and stronger relationships that last.
8 Love Lies We Have Believed All Our Lives
1. Love Is Enough to Make a Relationship Work
This is probably the biggest lie that needs to be debunked.
Sure, go ahead and tell your kids that dragons can fly. Because as long as a relationship has love, everything else can fly right out the window.
It sounds amazing to think that love can conquer all, but if that were true, there wouldn’t be so many broken relationships in the world.
Love cannot fix a lack of trust, communication, respect, commitment, or emotional maturity.
You can love someone with all your heart and still struggle if you don’t know how to fight fair, manage finances, or support each other during hard times.
Love is important. But a successful relationship requires learning skills as much as it requires feelings.
Truth: Love is the foundation that relationships are built on, not the other stuff. You can have all the love in the world and watch it fade if you don’t build healthy communication, values, forgiveness, consistency, and effort on top of it.
Read also: 5 Unique Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him
2. If Someone Loves You, They Will Know What You Need
A lot of people think they have their partner’s consent to have their mind read.
Sure, they know you love ice cream, but that doesn’t mean they know when you’re sad and need support.
If you’ve ever silently expected your partner to know what you are feeling or needing without telling them, guilty as charged.
Point is, this lie usually leads to disappointment.
Even if you and your partner feel incredibly connected to each other, there will be times when you will want or need something that your partner doesn’t know how to provide simply because you haven’t asked.
Expecting your partner to know what you need without telling them is actually against the nature of communication.
Truth: Ask for what you need. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, not assumptions.
Read also: True Love vs Fake Love: 5 Ways to Tell the Difference
3. Jealousy Is Proof That Someone Loves You
Movies love to make jealousy seem romantic.
I guess if you were watching from the outside, a possessive partner can look like they love you a lot.
Maybe too much.
The truth is that most couples who struggle with jealousy are often struggling with insecurity, fear, or even selfishness.
Of course, it’s normal to feel jealous once in a while. But if you or your partner constantly feels like you have to monitor where your significant other is, who they hang out with, and question their every move, that’s not healthy love.
Truth: Real love trusts each other enough that you don’t feel threatened when your partner spends time alone with other friends, family, colleagues, or even time alone by themselves.
Read also: 10 Proven Ways to Save Your Relationship and Bring Back the Love
4. The Right Person Will Complete You
I want to start this point off by asking you this:
Can you complete yourself?
Because if you cannot complete yourself inside of a relationship, you will constantly expect your partner to fill every single one of your emotional needs.
There will never be enough love, date nights, affection, or support you can receive from your partner to fulfill you entirely if you depend on them to do so.
You are separate individuals with separate lives. No one person can be your entire world.
Truth: Look for someone who loves you enough to want to be a part of your world, not take over it.
5. Every Argument Means You Are Falling Apart
One of my favorite parts of being in love is having the freedom to disagree with my husband.
I know that sounds weird.
Here’s what I mean.
When you know you can respectfully argue with your partner and know they will still love you in the end, you never have to pretend to agree with someone you know disagrees with you.
If you and your partner feel you can honestly talk about anything without the fear of destroying the relationship, disagreements can actually improve your intimacy.
Why? Because you both know that just because you two don’t agree on something, it doesn’t mean you don’t respect each other’s opinions and can no longer love each other.
Disagreements and arguments will happen.
That doesn’t mean you are doomed.
Truth: Learning to disagree without being disrespectful will only strengthen your relationship.
6. Love Should Always Feel Exciting
When you first start dating someone, it’s normal for your heart to race and feel excited every time they text you or smile in your direction.
But if you expect that to continue every single day, you will be setting yourself up for disappointment.
The butterflies eventually turn into comfort, and the days of continuous texting turn into enjoying each other’s presence with minimal communication.
Truth: Love is not measured by how exciting your relationship is but by how consistent you are at choosing each other every single day.
7. Change Yourself to Get Someone to Love You
If you’ve ever found yourself believing you need to be prettier, richer, thinner, funnier, or more successful to get someone to like you, you’ve bought into this lie.
Yes, personal development is awesome, and you should always be bettering yourself, but you should never change who you are to please someone else.
When you allow yourself to be with someone who appreciates the you you’ve been working hard to change into, you’ll wonder why you ever thought anyone else could truly love you.
Truth: Grow and become a better you because YOU deserve it, not because you are trying to become someone else for someone else.
8. Real Love Never Changes
There’s a reason old couples cuddle. As your relationship matures, it’s normal to enjoy each other’s presence more than anything else.
The passion and excitement may not be there like it used to be when you two met, but that doesn’t mean your love is any less.
People believe that if their love was strong, it would feel the exact same way it did when they first met.
The truth is, your relationship will change throughout your entire lives.
Children, careers, health, interests, goals, life circumstances. None of these things will stay the same, and as people change, so will your relationship.
Long term love is all about adapting to each other and life as a team.
Truth: True love continues to find new ways your relationship can grow even when your lives have changed.
Conclusion
Beliefs about love aren’t inherently bad. Someone along the way just happened to believe the wrong ones about love.
Movies, songs, Instagram couples, unrealistic expectations, and wrong ideas about love trickled into our minds during our formative years and became the foundation we build our relationships on.
I know it’s easy to blame these lies on society. And believe me, they are so abundant in our society. But we have the power to change what we believe.
Knowing these love lies exist is half the battle. Now that you know, don’t fall prey to them any longer.
Build your relationship on a foundation of truth instead.
Replace each lie with its opposite truth and watch your relationships grow stronger than you ever imagined possible.
FAQ
What are examples of love lies?
Some examples of love lies are thinking love is enough to make your relationship work, your partner should know what you need, jealous behavior is romantic, couples who fight are falling apart, love will always feel exciting, if you change yourself you can find love, and your love should never change.
Why do people believe myths about love?
Most people believe myths about love from unrealistic ideas from media. Movies, songs, social media, and our childhood experiences can trick us into thinking these unrealistic expectations about love are true.
Can a relationship work if you don’t feel butterflies anymore?
Yes. As a relationship grows and matures, passion turns into comfort. Feeling secure in your relationship is normal and healthy.
Is jealousy healthy in relationships?
Occasional jealousy is normal, but if you find you or your partner is constantly suspicious of each other, trying to control where your partner goes and who they see, that’s not healthy.
Can there be love without happiness?
Of course! No relationship is filled with happiness all of the time. Real love can overcome hard times when you both commit to working through them together.
How can I have a better understanding of love?
Real love is built on trust, mutual respect, communication, realistic expectations, and commitment. Commit to building these aspects within your relationship.
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