When you’re single, society treats you as if you’re just in the waiting room. Friends are getting engaged. Friends are getting married. Friends are celebrating anniversaries. Friends are announcing pregnancies. Everyone else’s life seems to be full of couples experiencing milestones while you’re sitting there waiting for your turn to start living.
I know this because I used to think that way too. As a relationship expert, I’ve interviewed hundreds of people from different backgrounds about their love lives. One universal truth that has resonated with me is this: some of the happiest people I’ve ever met were single.
Yes, you read that right.
They weren’t always coupled up, and they didn’t hate being single. They mastered the art of enjoying life without closing the door on love.
If you’re single but find yourself longing for a partner, it can often feel like you’re being pulled back and forth between being thankful for what you have and wanting something you don’t. That feeling is completely normal. Wanting love doesn’t make you weak or desperate. You’re human. Wanting a partner becomes a problem when your happiness is dependent on something you haven’t been given yet.
The beautiful thing is you don’t have to choose between enjoying your life and waiting on love. You can do both, and doing both allows you to live a fulfilled life while preparing you for a healthy relationship when the time is right. When you learn to be happy while single, you allow love to find you from a place of completeness rather than longing.
Below are six healthy ways to enjoy this season of singleness without giving up on love.
1. Stop Treating Your Life Like It Hasn’t Started Yet
One mistake that I see people make while single is living their lives as if they won’t begin until they’re in a relationship. “I’ll travel once I meet someone.” “I’ll buy my dream house after I get married.” “I’ll try new hobbies when I have someone to do them with.” “I’ll fully enjoy life when I have a partner by my side.” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing these things with a partner. But you shouldn’t treat your life as if it’s on hold until then.
Instead of living for a future you haven’t been promised, live your best life right now. Travel. Learn a new language. Focus on your career.
Decorate your apartment however you want. Invest time and energy into your friendships. Spend money on things that bring you joy. Pursue your passions. The craziest thing I’ve noticed is that most people who fully enjoy being single end up attracting partners because they’re operating from a place of confidence, fulfillment, and purpose. Personal growth doesn’t come when you find love. It comes while you’re waiting for it.
Read also: 8 Love Lies We Have Believed All Our Lives
2. Learn the Difference Between Wanting Love and Depending on It
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. It’s human nature to want to love and be loved. But where many people get into trouble is allowing that want to turn into dependence. If you believe you’ll never be happy, worthy, or fulfilled without a partner in your life, you’re placing your emotional happiness in someone else’s hands before they’ve even met you.
Dependence often looks like a few things. You find yourself comparing your life to couples you see on social media. You get depressed every time you’re invited to another wedding. You constantly question why you’re still single while everyone around you is coupling up.
What started out as wanting love ends in debilitating anxiety when you can’t understand why love passes you by.
Emotional maturity starts with being happy with who you are alone. If you can enjoy your own company, handle your own problems, and create an incredible life by yourself, you stop looking for someone to “complete you.” You start looking for someone to complement the amazing life you’re already building. That’s when you’ll find healthy love.
Read also: 9 Signs He Is Not Single (Even If He Says He Is)
3. Build a Life That Doesn’t Revolve Around Finding “The One”
When your life goal becomes finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, every decision you make tends to center around dating. You spend hours swiping on dating apps. You question whether every guy you talk to could be “the one.” Before you know it, your entire existence revolves around your relationship status.
While there’s nothing wrong with dating with intention, building your entire life around your dating life is where you’ll fall short. The people I admire most lead the richest lives, not because they’re in relationships, but because they’ve created a life rich with passions, goals, hobbies, friendships, and dreams that stretch far beyond their love life. They have stories to tell because they spend their days living, not waiting for someone to come along and join them on their journey.
Pour your time and energy into things that’ll bring you lifelong fulfillment. Strengthen your relationship with family. Give back to your community. Build financial freedom. Focus on your health.
Read more books. Learn skills that can benefit your future. Expand your mind through meaningful work. Self confidence comes when you realize romance is only a small piece of what makes life beautiful. It also allows you to bring a strong, whole you to a relationship instead of looking to your partner to provide your life with meaning.
Read also: 50 Empty Notebook Ideas you Will Love
4. Protect Yourself From Comparison
Comparison is deadly to contentment. Every day you’re scrolling past couples getting engaged, celebrating wedding anniversaries, sharing pictures of their elaborate proposals, posting pictures from their honeymoons, and achieving milestones in their relationships. Unknowingly, you begin to measure your behind the scenes life to everyone else’s highlight reel.
What you don’t see are the arguments they have, the problems they face, the emotional work they have to do on themselves to maintain a healthy relationship, the financial responsibilities of sharing a life with someone, and the daily efforts to make their partnership work. But when you allow yourself to fall into the comparison trap, you become blinded to the beauty of your own season because everyone else’s happiness seems easier to achieve.
Challenge yourself to celebrate others’ happiness without sacrificing your own. Your story is not behind theirs just because you’re not where they are. Love doesn’t work on anyone’s timeline but yours. When you learn to guard your peace from comparison, you open up space for gratitude, patience, and realistic expectations for your own relationship.
5. Prepare for the Relationship You Want Instead of Waiting for It
Trust me, I know how easy it is to spend years waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right without ever allowing yourself to be OK with being single. We have all made long lists in our heads of what we want our future partner to be like. But how many of you take the time to ask yourself if you are becoming the type of person that love requires?
Preparing for love doesn’t mean idly waiting for the perfect person to come into your life. It means learning how to communicate better, working on your emotional intelligence, healing from past heartbreaks, understanding healthy ways to navigate conflict, gaining wisdom on financial responsibility, becoming emotionally available for someone, and so much more. All of these things you can start doing right now to better yourself for your future relationship.
Use this time being single to your advantage. You have the opportunity to work on yourself without the added stress of having to work on someone else. When you do find love, you won’t come into the relationship scrambling to figure yourself out. You’ll enter a relationship as a finished product only wanting to grow with someone else.
6. Keep Your Heart Open Without Settling for Less Than You Deserve
There’s a fine line between staying hopeful and being desperate. The longer you’re left single, the easier it is to lower your standards because you just want someone to love you too. Loneliness can make you accept almost anybody when you’re desperate for attention.
Settling for less than you deserve will never lead to true happiness. Living with someone who yells at you, ignores your feelings, abuses your trust, or otherwise makes you miserable is far lonelier than being single. Don’t mistake being in the wrong relationship for being in a relationship.
Continue dreaming about your future spouse. Stay open to the possibility of love when it’s brought your way. Continue going on dates with people you’re attracted to. But don’t allow your desire for companionship to force you into settling for the first person who shows you attention. True hope doesn’t rush into things. It waits for what it’s truly looking for.
Conclusion
Being happy while you’re single doesn’t mean you’ve given up on love. It means you refuse to let life pass you by while waiting on someone to come along. There’s a difference between desiring a relationship and thinking you’ll never be happy without one.
The healthiest partners I know were single for a long time and learned how to enjoy their lives before they met their spouse. They walked into love from a place of completeness rather than thinking a relationship would complete them. They walked in with confidence, a sense of purpose, and emotional stability, which set the foundation for their future relationship.
Continue dreaming about your future relationship. Wish for it if that’s something you believe in. Put yourself in situations where you’ll meet that special person. But until then, don’t forget to live your life. You’re here for a reason, regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship. Your life is happening right now, and this season of your life deserves to be just as enjoyable as the next.
Save the pin for later
