“I don’t want to break up,” my friend said during our conversation. “But it feels like the relationship we had isn’t here anymore.”
They weren’t going through a huge betrayal or dramatic deal breaker. Things just slowly changed. Less quality time, less affection, more arguments, more misunderstandings. Two people slowly growing apart while forced to stay together.
I understood how they felt. Believe it or not, I’ve been there too. You fall into a routine where your partner doesn’t feel the same. You try to change things, but nothing works. You search online for answers, but nothing seems to apply to your situation.
It wasn’t until I learned about the underlying causes of relationship problems that I began to figure things out. I realized that although my relationship was bad, it didn’t have to stay that way.
If you are trying to save your relationship and bring back the love, understand that it will not happen overnight. However, if you both really care about each other and are willing to put in the work, you can rebuild your connection.
10 Proven Ways to Save Your Relationship
1. Identify the Real Issues Your Relationship Is Facing
Too often, people try to treat their relationship problems like a superficial scratch that can be solved by bandaging the symptoms. “They make me upset when they leave their dishes in the sink,” you say. “I’m going to hang up this poster so they know how mad I am!”
Solving obvious arguments is important, but what about all the root issues that caused the arguments? When two people feel unheard and disconnected, fixing small arguments will not solve the overall problem.
Arguments are often manifestations of deeper problems within your relationship. The partner who complains about dirty dishes may actually be trying to tell you that they feel neglected.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship. What has changed? When did you start growing apart? Are you holding onto anger from something that happened in the past? Are you fighting without trying to understand each other?
In order to save your relationship, you need to know what you are trying to fix. Until you can recognize that there is a problem, you will not be able to improve your connection.
Shift your focus from reacting to arguments and instead try to understand the root cause of your problems.
Read also: 10 Relationship Advice Lessons for Him That Can Save a Relationship
2. Learn How to Communicate Without Trying to Win
Arguments are a normal part of every relationship. However, some relationships diggrace under fighting because the couple never learns how to communicate effectively.
Arguments become destructive when you and your partner fight to win the argument instead of trying to repair your relationship. You want your partner to admit that you’re right… and you both end up hurt and angry.
The next time your partner tries to share how they feel, listen. Hear them out. Don’t spend the entire time thinking about how you’re going to defend yourself.
Practice healthy communication skills with your partner. Instead of saying, “You make me upset when you don’t help around the house!” you could say something like this:
“You: When you leave the dishes in the sink, I feel like you don’t care about my needs.”
Me: “I understand. When you do that, I feel disconnected from you too.”
“You: Wow, I didn’t realize how much your needing help around the house mattered to you.”
Me: “Thank you for listening and understanding my point of view.”
Arguments don’t have to tear your relationship apart. By learning how to communicate better with your partner, you can fix just about any problem.
Read also: 8 Long Distance Relationship Advice Communication Secrets
3. Create Emotional Intimacy to Feel Close Again
When couples fight, they tend to create emotional distance between each other. You might stop sharing how you feel or talking to each other entirely. If you continue communicating emotionally, conflict can actually bring you closer together.
Nobody wants to feel distant from their partner. You wake up each day hoping that your partner will remember the small things that make you fall in love.
Here are a few things you can do to reconnect with your partner.
- Ask them how their day was and actively listen to their response.
- Share small details about your day and encourage them to do the same.
- Plan a special date night or weekend getaway.
- Turn off your electronics and focus on spending quality time together.
Creating emotional intimacy is the best way to rebuild your relationship. When you both open up and share your feelings, you will feel closer than ever.
Read also: 7 Relationship Details You Should Not Share With Your Friends
4. Learn How to Forgive and Let Go of Resentment
If you and your partner hold grudges against each other, your relationship will never improve. Many people focus on what their partner is doing wrong without considering their own mistakes.
Forgiveness is the process of choosing to let go of past hurts. It does not mean you are saying that what your partner did was okay. It means that you no longer want that issue to harm your relationship.
Forgiveness is crucial to rebuilding your relationship because it encourages both of you to move forward. Think about a car with two flat tires. Both tires need to be filled with air before the car can roll.
Allow yourself to forgive your partner’s transgressions. Encourage them to forgive you for things that you’ve done wrong. Make forgiveness a two way street.
5. Bring Back Appreciation and Respect
Have you ever noticed how couples who were together for a long time tend to argue more? It is because they become too comfortable with each other and stop showing appreciation.
Try thanking your partner when they do something you like. Tell your partner you appreciate the things that they do for you. Expressing gratitude to your partner can drastically improve your marriage.
Do not allow yourself to disrespect your partner either. I’m not only talking about yelling and name calling. Asking disrespectful questions or burning your partner’s would also damage your relationship.
Be mindful of how you talk to and about your partner.
6. Spend More Time Together
Too many couples allow their relationship to drift to the wayside. They focus on their jobs, hobbies, and friends. When they finally have time to be with their partner, they are physically present but mentally checked out.
Do you and your partner spend quality time with each other? Simply sitting in the same room does not constitute quality time.
Schedule regular date nights with your partner. Make time to talk and get to know each other on a deeper level. The more you spend together, the more you will reconnect.
7. Take Responsibility for Yourself
Taking responsibility means recognizing that you are part of the problem. It does not mean blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in your relationship.
Taking responsibility allows you to improve the relationship by changing your own behavior. Would your relationship be better if you listened more, talked less, or spoke more kindly to your partner?
Take accountability for the role that you play in your relationship. Make an effort to change the aspects of yourself that are causing problems.
8. Rebuild Your Relationship’s Trust
Trust is not something that you are granted immediately. You must earn your partner’s trust, just as they must earn yours.
The only way to rebuild broken trust is to prove to your partner that they can trust you again. Tell your partner that you are sorry and explain why you would never do that hurtful thing again.
You can show your partner that you are trustworthy by following through on what you say. Are you someone who makes empty promises? Then it’s time to change.
Be honest with your partner and do what you say you will do. Your consistency will slowly allow your partner to trust you again.
9. Add Romance and Kindness Back Into Your Relationship
When my partner and I fight, we often stop showing affection towards one another. We stop saying “I love you” or complimenting each other.
Bring romance and kindness back into your relationship. Tell your partner that you love them. Leave them little love notes. Be thoughtful and show your partner that you care about them.
By adding simple touches of romance back into your relationship, you will notice your relationship improve.
10. Commit to Your Relationship and Choose Each Other
Merely reading this article does not guarantee that you will fix your relationship. You must take what you’ve learned here and put it into action.
Saving a relationship takes two people who are committed to repairing their connection. You cannot repair a broken relationship if your partner is not willing to fix things too.
Make a commitment to your partner. Decide that you will work on your relationship no matter what. You two can either fix your relationship or continue down a path of misery and blame.
Ask yourself and your partner: Do we still want to be with each other? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to fight for your relationship.
Choose each other and commit to making your relationship work.
Final Thoughts on Saving Your Relationship
Saving your relationship will not happen overnight. However, if you are both willing to put in the time and effort, you can rebuild your love for each other.
Focus on improving emotional intimacy, spending quality time together, creating connection, and being forgiving of your partner. As you take small steps to reconnect, you will begin to notice your relationship grow stronger with time.
Good luck!
FAQ
Can a relationship really be saved?
Yes. Relationships can be saved if there are both willing to fix the underlying issues that are causing problems.
How do I save my relationship?
You can improve your relationship by implementing healthy communication skills, spending quality time together, and creating emotional intimacy.
How do I keep my relationship healthy?
Make sure you and your partner are fighting fair. Spend time together, show appreciation, and talk about things other than problems.
How can I improve my relationship right now?
Use healthy communication skills with your partner. Listen to them when they speak and express your needs clearly.
How long does it take to fix a relationship?
Every relationship is different. Some issues can be solved quickly, while others require time and patience.
Can your feelings return to someone you love?
Yes. Emotional connection is a key aspect to maintaining your relationship. If you keep the emotional connection with your partner alive, you both can recapture the feelings that you once had.
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