Many women find themselves in this situation with a man who says he is single, but his actions are slowly letting you know something else is going on. The hardest thing is these things can be very secretive in the beginning. You doubt yourself. You don’t want to accuse someone of something he didn’t do. You give him the benefit of the doubt.
But when a man has multiple strings attached elsewhere emotionally or relationship wise, the trend soon begins to show. The inconsistency with his time. Him being secretive. His weird availability. Him lacking transparency. You start to slowly notice things that fit together like puzzle pieces.
So if you’ve been feeling frustrated or confused about a guy lately, read below on things to look for. You may be staring them right in the face!
9 Signs He Is Not Single
1. He Is Weirdly Protective of His Phone
This is one of the biggest signs a man is playing you when he says he is single. Sure, we all value privacy, but there’s a fine line between healthy privacy and suspicious behavior.
If he constantly flips his phone around when you’re near him, quickly exits certain apps when you walk past him, takes calls into another room, or gets weird every time you glance over at his phone, take notice of that!
When a man hides a relationship from someone he is talking to, you can usually spot him being extra protective over his phone. Relationships hide social media, call and text history, conversations, pictures, etc. So naturally, he doesn’t want you peeking into his world.
You may even notice he disappears for long periods of time after receiving certain calls or messages. Or maybe he’ll change moods after looking at his phone. All of a sudden, he’s gone for hours and won’t give you a reason why.
If you start to notice this pattern with your guy, he’s likely talking to other women and hoping you won’t find out.
Read also: 10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship
2. He Is ONLY Available at Certain Times
Guys who are truly single have flexible schedules. They will make time for you when they can, and though they may not be available 24/7, you don’t feel like you’re squeezing your time in around their schedules.
If you notice he only texts you late at night, ignores you all weekend, never spends holidays with you, or disappears for certain hours every day, he’s likely doing something else when he’s not with you. Unavailable men often create these narrow time frames where they can talk to you without interfering with their other priorities.
When trying to make plans, you’ll also notice he can only meet you during his extra time. He’ll always need advanced warning. He may cancel at the last minute for weird reasons. Or he may even avoid staying overnight with you. You begin to realize that the only time you spend with each other feels secluded from his actual life.
Schedule limitations are normal when you have conflicting responsibilities, but when you feel like you only exist at certain times, something is up.
Read also: 8 Clear Signs He Will Come Back After Pulling Away
3. You’ve Never Seen His Real Life
A girlfriend told me she had talked to this guy for months, but yet she had never:
- Met his friends
- Gone to his home
- Spoken about his job
- Shopped with him
- Etc.
These are all red flags when someone avoids introducing you to their real life.
Men who hide relationships from someone will usually compartmentalize you, essentially keeping you separate from everything else he does. He won’t want you to know his friends because they will instantly know he has a woman he’s hiding. He won’t want you to meet his family because they will ask questions. He won’t want you to know his job in case he needs a place to hide if things come out.
When you find yourself only knowing the version of him he shows privately, he’s likely hiding something.
Read also: 8 Signs He Doesn’t Care About You Anymore
4. He Avoids Posting Pictures with You
This doesn’t apply to every guy, especially if he’s not big on social media. But if he regularly posts about every other aspect of his life, but shuts down any mention of posting with you, notice his behavior.
Posting pictures with you proves you exist. If he has a girlfriend, he won’t want her to see you around, nor does he want people to assume you two are something you’re not.
He will also avoid posting YOU publicly on his stories. When a man cares about another woman, he will make every effort to keep you hidden from the world.
He may not allow you to take pictures together. Get nervous when you mention posting him. Ask you not to comment on his pictures. Or maybe he simply stops posting altogether when talking to you.
When someone suddenly changes their social media behavior with you, that’s enough reason to take note.
5. His Stories Don’t Line Up
Lying becomes difficult when you do it consistently. One of the clearest signs a man is talking to other women is when the stories don’t match up over time.
He tells you he was home all weekend, but later slips that he was at an event on Saturday. Where he says he lives suddenly changes. Who he hangs out with doesn’t add up. You ask why he disappears for so long, and he seems unable to give you a straight answer.
These types of inconsistencies may seem small and innocent at first, but when someone tells the truth, details rarely change.
You may also start to notice he uses more vague language when speaking to you. Everything becomes fuzzy. He doesn’t give details. He quickly changes topics when you ask questions about his life. He becomes irritated when you try to dive deeper. These are all signs he’s hiding something.
When someone is deliberately hiding parts of their life, it becomes mentally draining. That’s why his story will often slip without him realizing it.
6. He Doesn’t Want to Define The Relationship
When someone is emotionally invested in another person, asking about the relationship will become uncomfortable.
You can talk to him for months. Go on dates. Sleep with him. Have strong emotional connections. Yet he will sit there politely and dodge any conversation about your relationship status every time it comes up.
He’ll say things like “let’s take it one day at a time.” Or “There’s no need to rush.” “Let’s not label this,” or “Why complicate things?”
All because he doesn’t want to put ANY RELEVANCE on your relationship.
The crazy part is these guys can seem like the opposite when you’re talking. He may text you every day. Tell you how he feels. Even go as far as making long term plans with you. But when it comes to defining your relationship or clearing the air, he disappears.
Remember: actions will never meet up with his words when he’s hiding you from someone else.
7. He Goes Missing During Important Dates
One trend I’ve noticed with guys that aren’t single is they always disappear when important dates roll around.
Birthdays. Holidays. Weekends. Valentine’s Day. Late nights. Family occasions.
Pretty much any day where significant others are spending time with their partners, you can guarantee this man will suddenly become busy.
Scroll through Instagram and you’ll notice his phone turned red right when you sent him a text months ago asking how his day was. He’ll go MIA for hours, then reappear later acting like nothing happened.
If you notice this happening regularly during times that should mean something to you both, take that as a red flag.
8. Something Just Feels Off
Don’t doubt your intuition because you think it needs to be some grand revelation for you to know something is off.
Many times, our intuition kicks in before our minds have fully processed the situation.
You may feel nervous around him but not know why. You may feel like he’s emotionally checked out even when he’s right in front of you. You may feel like you’re competing with someone, even though he has no other girlfriends.
We often pick up on things subconsciously before we can logically explain what’s bothering us.
This doesn’t mean all your doubts are valid. But if you find several red flags added to your list and your gut is telling you something is up, don’t ignore those feelings.
He may be sending you mixed signals that are bringing out these emotions. But learning to trust yourself is the first step in filtering out the players.
9. You Constantly Feel Emotionally Confused
Last but not least: you feel confused.
Healthy relationships with clear communication allow you to feel secure, loved, and build clarity as time goes on. You shouldn’t have to guess his intentions, and you DEFINITELY shouldn’t feel confused about how he views you every day.
But when a man has other women in his life, or is hiding someone from you, your relationship will always feel like a guessing game.
One minute he’s all love texts. Next, he’s ignoring you for days. Then he wants to spend all his time with you. It’s this constant push and pull of emotions that messes with your head.
We often stay with these guys because he always shows us the “good version” when he wants to. But you deserve to spend your time with someone who shows you that version day in and day out, not just when he feels like it.
Conclusion
It’s funny how there can be multiple red flags staring us in the face, but we choose to turn a blind eye when we like someone.
At the beginning of a relationship, we tend to overlook certain “dealbreakers” because we want to believe the best about someone. But the problem with letting someone into your life who isn’t single is the emotional roller coaster it will put you through.
When you know he’s doing you wrong, but you still hold on for that “good text” or “happy version of him” that pops up every once in a while, that’s when you’ll slowly begin to hate being single more than being with him.
Don’t waste your time watching for a man to prove you wrong. If he’s going to hurt you, he will. Pay attention to his actions more than his words because actions will ALWAYS reveal his true intentions.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you know if a man is talking to other women even if he says he’s single?
You look for his behavior patterns. Some men lie about having a girlfriend to get attention, emotional fulfillment, validation, or even physical relationships outside of their relationship. As long as he has a phone and social media, he has the ability to talk to who he wants.
He says he just values his privacy?
Privacy is one thing. Being secretive is another. If he constantly makes you feel like you’re not good enough to be a part of his life, or he seems to disappear for days without notice, something is up.
How do I ask him about it without sounding insecure?
Address the actions you SEE. Don’t turn it into an attack. Ask him direct questions about the inconsistencies you’ve noticed, and pay attention to how he reacts.
Can you tell on social media if a man is talking to other women?
Sort of. You can’t truly know by social media alone, but if he hides you completely from his feed, avoids posting you together, doesn’t let you comment on his posts, or doesn’t post pictures of you at all, those are all signs he may be hiding someone.
Why do women allow these red flags to continue?
Typically because emotions are involved. You like the guy, and he shows you a kind side every once in a while. So you want to believe the good in people and hope they change.
Unfortunately, people don’t always change until YOU decide it’s enough.
Should I break it off if I notice several of these signs?
If you’ve tried speaking to him about your concerns and he continuously does these things, my answer is YES. Don’t you deserve better than being confused and wondering where you stand?
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