Trust me, I’ve seen it too many times. People staying in fantasies they convince themselves are feelings of love because it hurts too much to admit that they’re not.
They feel so intense and powerful that they convince themselves it’s what love should feel like. The thing is, not all intense emotions are good emotions or even actual love.
A lot of what most people call “love” early on in a relationship are just sprinkles of attachment, validation, fear of losing that validation, or emotional dependency. Point is, when two people mix together it intensifies, causing people to interpret those feelings as way more than they actually are.
So my purpose for this article is to help you distinguish between unhealthy emotional roller coasters and actual emotional safety so you never confuse chemistry for true compatibility again.
6 Things That Feel Like Love But Aren’t Real Love at All
1. Emotional highs that come and go
This is easily one of the number one things that people mistake for love. Emotional highs make you feel obsessive, needy, addicted, and drunk on emotion.
You think about them all the time. Your mood drastically changes based on their behavior. Every emotion you feel seems magnified.
Real love doesn’t play with your emotions. True love is calm and consistent.
So, if you find that your emotional state with someone is constantly flipping from feeling extremely happy to extremely anxious at the drop of a dime, it is not love.
Whenever you spend more time confused about where you stand than you do feeling secure, we need to analyze why your emotions tend to feel like roller coasters around them.
Another thing about emotional highs is that they normally occur when someone is giving you attention every now and then. Your brain then goes into tunnel vision trying to find that high again.
This also tricks you into thinking you’re experiencing passion, but in reality, you are experiencing emotional uncertainty.
Chemical highs will drain you after a while. Love will never make you feel confused more often than not.
Read also: 10 Ways Real Love Feels Like
2. Constant overthinking = “caring deeply”
Many people think that if they overanalyze someone or a situation, spend hours thinking about them, stress over unanswered messages or calls, and constantly worry about the relationship that it means they must care about them deeply.
Fact: overthinking is not love, it’s anxiety in disguise.
If a situation is genuinely healthy, you will feel secure, not confused.
You don’t find yourself thinking about them 24/7. You don’t analyze every move they make or overinterpret what they say or don’t say.
When you love someone you should feel calm and comfortable, not filled with unwanted thoughts that drain your energy.
The reason people mistake overthinking for loving someone is because when someone is inconsistent with you, your brain tends to fill in the blanks.
Your mind wants to know what’s going on so it forces you to analyze anything and everything this person does, which in return makes you feel like you’re thinking about them all the time because you are. This behavior equals anxiety, not love.
Read also: 10 Powerful Reasons to Love Someone Beyond Feelings
3. Jealousy that feels like passion
Jealousy gives off intense emotions that many people tend to mistake as passion or love.
When people become jealous, some of us tend to think “oh they must really love and care about me.”
Jealousy is not an expression of love, it’s an expression of insecurity.
Healthy love is built on emotional security, not fear.
When you trust someone and love them, you don’t feel the need to watch their every move or try to compete for their attention.
If someone tries to “jealous” on you every chance they get or makes you feel constantly watched, it’s called possession.
Yes it may feel exciting and feel like a lot of attention at first, but eventually you’ll feel restricted and emotionally imprisoned.
Read also: How to Disconnect from Someone You Love (10 Tips)
4. Dependency that feels like deep connection
It feels like love when someone becomes the center of your world. Your emotions rely on their every move. You can’t function without talking to them every day or having them involved in your everyday activities. They become your main source of happiness.
Dependency is not love, it’s called emotional dependency.
True love allows you to be you, and love someone without losing your own emotions.
What makes people think it’s love is because dependency feels so overwhelming. You feel as if you “can’t live without them,” but that’s called being afraid of being alone, not love.
5. Trying to fix someone and calling it love
“If I love them I can fix them right?” Wrong.
I cannot stress this enough. Just because you’re willing to “help” or “change” someone does not mean you love them.
Staying, allowing unacceptable behavior, tolerating treatment you know you deserve better than, and trying to convince yourself that you’re just picking up bad habits equals not love.
Real love is wanting the best for someone, but if they’re choosing not to better themselves then you’re not their problem to solve.
You become obsessed with the person they can become, rather than focusing on who they are when you’re with them.
6. Fear of Leaving That Feels Like Loyalty
Please tell me you’ve been there, thought about it, or actually did this once.
Staying in a situation because leaving seems like the worst thing you could do is one of the most confusing emotional states to be in. A lot of people deal with this and almost every time they convince themselves it’s because they love the person so much and are staying for that reason.
Nope.
Sometimes the emotions causing you to stay follow the feeling of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of starting over. Fear of regret. Fear of feeling the emotional turmoil you’re feeling right now.
Love doesn’t make you question yourself and it most certainly doesn’t hurt this bad.
When you love someone you’ll want the best for them, even if that means walking away and letting them go.
When you care about someone you hope they figure it out. When you love someone, you will help them.
Conclusion
Just because something feels strong, exciting, crazy and even emotional doesn’t mean that it’s love.
Things like jealousy, dependency, emotional highs, anxiety. These are all forms of insecurity or emotional instability.
Real love is nothing like how most people portray it in movies or television. True love is calm, respectful, and emotionally safe.
You’ll know your love is true when you can distinguish between your emotions and your logic.
FAQ
How do I know the difference between love and attachment?
Real love is steady as hell. If you find yourself feeling anxious and unsure about your stability, you’re attached, not in love.
Why does love feel so intense but so unhealthy some of the time?
Because when someone is being inconsistent with you it creates these crazy highs that your brain thinks is pure passion.
Is jealousy always a bad sign?
No but if someone is constantly accusing you of cheating or checking your phone every chance they get, jealousy is never the answer.
Can high levels of dependency turn into real love?
It’ll never happen automatically, but once both parties understand the issue and fix it, yes, love can grow.
Why do I keep confusing anxiety for love?
Because chaos feels like a lot of attention at first but you’ll soon realize that you’re the only one who’s constantly worrying.
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