When someone gives you the silent treatment, it’s something that you need to understand and address appropriately—otherwise, it will continue to eat away at your confidence, your peace of mind, and your relationship.
Let’s go through everything you need to do when your partner gives you the silent treatment step by step.
How to Deal With Silent Treatment in a Relationship
1. Recognize What Silent Treatment REALLY Is
All too often, people mistake every type of silence for abusive silent treatment.
They don’t.
Sure, your partner may need some space to cool off.
Maybe they’re feeling flooded with emotion. Maybe they don’t know how to properly express themselves. Maybe they just shut down.
In situations like these, silence can actually be a good thing.
Your partner may be trying to withhold comments that they know will hurt your feelings.
But there is another type of silence that you need to recognize.
The silent treatment.
When someone purposefully ignores you to punish you and make you feel anxious, guilty, and desperate for their attention, that’s not giving space.
That’s manipulation.
If you let that behavior slide, you are simply inviting more of it.
Ask yourself this simple question:
Is my partner shutting down because they need time… or because they want to control me?
You’ll never address the silent treatment if you can’t distinguish between the two.
Read also: How to Bring Up Issues in a Relationship
2. Don’t Chase or Beg
Okay, so someone shuts you out.
Instantaneously, your mind and body react by trying to get them back as close as possible.
You start texting them.
You call them.
You try to fix things quickly. You over-explain yourself. You apologize for things you aren’t even sure you did wrong.
And what happens? Nothing.
They don’t respond.
Why?
Because the silent treatment is a form of control. And if you continue to chase that person, apologize, and beg for their attention, you are empowering them to continue controlling you with their silence.
It’s time to practice some serious self-respect in relationships.
I’m not saying you should be cold or distant.
What I am saying is you shouldn’t abandon yourself in order to get someone to react to you.
When you learn to stop chasing your partner during the silent treatment, you finally even the playing field.
Read also: 12 Clear Signs You’re in a Serious Relationship
3. Keep Your Cool and Manage Your Emotions
The silent treatment is anxiety fodder.
There’s no two ways about it.
You lay awake at night wondering what you could possibly have done.
You spiral out of control and start punishing yourself by sending aggressive texts you’ll later regret.
DON’T DO THAT SHIT.
I know it’s easier said than done.
But you have to regulate your emotions.
Go for a walk.
Write in a journal.
Do something with your brain other than sit there and let it run wild with negative thoughts.
You’re not going to get anywhere by yelling back or continuing the fight.
Silence isn’t the weapon; your emotions are.
Learn to control them.
4. Give Them Space (The Good Kind)
There is such a thing as good silence.
Your partner may need some time to collect themselves before they can properly express how they’re feeling.
This type of silence can be very beneficial.
It allows you both to take a step back, calm down, and come back stronger and ready to communicate.
But you know what’s not beneficial? Silence that stretches on for days without any explanation.
That, my friend, is where you need to step in.
You can give your partner space.
But you don’t have to allow them to ignore you for an extended period of time.
Remember that patience is a virtue, but so is sticking up for your own emotional well-being.
5. Confront the Issue (After They Calm Down)
So your partner finally comes around and is ready to talk.
Now what?
You can’t run at them with a list of all the things they did wrong.
“That hurt my feelings.”
“You ignored me for days.”
“This never happens to me!”
These types of accusations will only cause them to clam up again.
Instead, focus on how you feel.
“I felt like we weren’t communicating. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
See the difference?
This is all about effective communication in relationships.
You want to focus on YOU, not THEM.
Yes, you should bring up the problem.
But you shouldn’t force someone to communicate if they’re not ready.
Remember:
You are focusing on repairing the relationship, not punishing your partner.
6. Set Boundaries
If someone gives you the silent treatment and it becomes habitual, you need to nip it in the bud.
Let them know that, yes, you understand everyone needs space every now and again, but you will not tolerate being ignored for days on end.
Simple as that.
Setting boundaries is CRUCIAL to your emotional well-being.
Sure, they might not like it.
But once you put that boundary in place, they’ll either respect it… or continue to give you the silent treatment.
And when that happens, you’ll know where you stand.
7. Don’t Assume It’s About You
You are NOT a mind reader.
I know it’s easy to sit there and automatically assume that you did something wrong.
But what if you didn’t?
I’m not saying that your partner is giving you the silent treatment because they received a bad haircut or got in a car accident.
But people do crazy stuff when they’re stressed out, experiencing low self-esteem, or have had trust issues in the past triggered.
Before you eat yourself up with negative thoughts about how you “ruined everything,” ask yourself:
“What is most likely going on?”
Most times, it really has nothing to do with you.
Focus on being self-aware instead of overthinking the situation. Trust me, you’ll feel a ton better.
8. Focus on You
This may sound crazy, but instead of sitting there waiting for your partner to decide to love you again, why not love on yourself?
Continue living your life.
Spend time with people who care about you.
Do things that make YOU happy.
It may feel unnatural at first to not constantly look at your phone, praying they respond to your last text.
But trust me.
Not only will this help your mental well-being, but your partner will become attracted to the mystery of not knowing what you’re doing instead of watching you binge-watch Netflix all day because they dumped you.
9. Know When It’s Emotional Abuse
Okay, hear me out.
Your partner giving you the silent treatment every now and then is normal.
We ALL do it from time to time.
It’s when someone purposely uses the silent treatment as a tool to punish you that you need to take action.
If you find yourself constantly checking your phone, waiting by the door for them to get home, and wondering what you did wrong every time they ignore you, please wake up and pay attention.
This is textbook emotional abuse.
It may not be physical, but that doesn’t make it any less harmful to your mental and emotional well-being.
10. Encourage Healthy Communication
If you and your partner are going to have a healthy relationship, you both need to learn how to communicate effectively with one another.
That means NO MORE silent treatments.
Talk to each other.
Normalize emotion.
Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing how you feel.
Healthy communication = healthy relationship.
End of story.
Conclusion
Nobody likes to get the silent treatment.
It makes us feel anxious, insecure, and confused.
But if you learn how to properly handle the silent treatment in a relationship, you can save your relationship from ending.
Here are the basics:
Don’t beg. Don’t chase.
Set boundaries.
Don’t take it personally.
Focus on better communication.
Practice SELF-RESPECT.
Everything will fall into place.
Just remember that you can NOT control someone else’s actions, but you can control how you RESPOND to them.
Always choose wisely.
FAQ
Is the silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?
If someone repeatedly gives you the silent treatment to manipulate your emotions, YES.
Should I ignore my partner if they ignore me?
Don’t ignore them out of spite. But do give them space and respect your own SELF-RESPECT.
Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?
Because it makes us feel uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and rejection.
How long should I tolerate the silent treatment?
Enough to cool off, but not so long that they ignore you for weeks on end.
Can you fix silent treatment in a relationship?
Only if both partners are willing to communicate and respect each other’s boundaries.
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