“I don’t even know what hurts more, knowing that it happened or knowing that it happened from someone I trusted.”
Those were the words that someone told me once. I’ll never forget them because they said it all right there in that one sentence. Betrayal does more than just hurt you, it changes the way you view others, trust, and even yourself.
I’m no stranger to feeling betrayed, whether it be from friendships, relationships, or even professional circumstances. What most people won’t say about betrayal is that along with destroying your ability to trust others, it slowly rots away your ability to trust yourself. You question everything you thought you knew about your judgment, instincts, and ability to know people.
If you’re reading this and feeling betrayed once again by someone you know, you don’t need someone to give you fluffy advice and provide no value. You don’t need someone to give you half-hearted solutions that sound nice but don’t work. You need real things that you can actually apply to your life to understand what happened and how to prevent yourself from dealing with your peace again.
How to Deal With Betrayal From Anyone (8 Tips)
1. Accept What Happened, Without Trying to Make It Feel Better
The first step to moving past someone betraying you is to accept what happened. Not the nice version of what happened, but the ugly truth. Accept that this person you cared about and loved enough to trust decided to hurt you.
You want to punish them so badly that you might convince yourself of reasons that make it okay. When really, it’s not okay and you know it. Accepting the situation allows you to stop arguing with reality.
Practicing emotional awareness during times like these is crucial because you need to allow yourself to feel crappy. I mean really feel everything you’re feeling about the situation without numbing or distracting yourself. That level of honesty with your emotions is where healing can begin.
Read also: How to Deal With Betrayal From Husband (10 Tips)
2. Stop Pointing Fingers at Yourself
The tricky part about betrayal is that it loves to make you blame yourself. “What if I did this?” or “What if I did that?” start running through your mind a million miles a minute.
Stop blaming yourself for someone else’s actions! I know it’s easier said than done, but hear me out. You are not at fault for someone betraying you and breaking your trust. Their betrayal says more about them than it does about you.
Learning how to pick up on your self-worth again is vital when you’ve been betrayed. You trusted this person because you are capable of trusting people. That is not a bad thing and certainly not something you should punish yourself for.
Read also: How to Deal With Being Cheated On (10 Tips)
3. Create Emotional Distance ASAP
The moment someone betrays you, your gut reaction is to talk to them about it. You try to understand why they did it or ask them questions to pick at the wound even more. This is where you have to take a step back.
Create that emotional distance between you and them as soon as possible. You don’t necessarily have to cut them off from your life, but create distance within yourself.
Learning how to emotionally detach when you feel betrayed is necessary if you want to avoid digging yourself into a deeper hole. Your emotions will run wild if you allow them to bounce around unanswered.
Read also: How to Trust Your Gut Even When You’re Anxious – 8 ways
4. Don’t Feel the Need to Forgive Them Immediately
Forgiveness is something we like to throw around when people feel betrayed. “Just forgive them because that will show how much better you’re feeling.”
News flash. If you don’t want to forgive that person yet, that’s perfectly okay. You’re under no obligation to prove to anyone that you’re healing by forgiving them right away.
Forgiveness takes time, and some situations may not even require you to forgive that person at all. What’s important is you no longer allow that situation to consume you and control your emotions.
Allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling without rushing yourself to forgive them just because everyone else is telling you to.
5. Learn How to Trust Yourself Again
Trust is something you’re going to have to work on again after feeling betrayed. However, the trust you should be focusing on is not trusting others right away.
You need to gain that trust back with yourself. Learn how to trust that your instincts are right, you can spot a toxic person again, and you know your worth enough to set proper boundaries.
Building that trust in yourself takes time, but you’ll get there. You’re not going to let this make you a closed off person who trusts no one. You become more cautious.
6. Set Better Boundaries With Others
Once you’ve been betrayed, you realize some of your boundaries may have been a little weak. This isn’t you beating yourself up over it, this is you learning how to set better boundaries next time.
Setting better boundaries looks like knowing what you will and won’t tolerate. It also looks like having no problem removing someone from your life when they cross those boundaries you set.
Setting healthy boundaries allows the right people to enter your life, not scare them away. And that’s what you want after feeling betrayed by someone you thought was on your side.
7. Allow Yourself to Feel All of Your Feelings
This situation is going to hurt. Whether you want to accept it or not, your emotions are going to be everywhere.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what you thought this relationship was. Betrayal isn’t just about the action that was caused, it’s about what you lost because of those actions.
If you don’t allow yourself to feel that loss, you’re only going to bottle those emotions, and they will come out later when you least expect it.
Feel all of your emotions and understand that grieving this loss is okay.
8. Focus on Bettering Yourself, Not Dwell on What Happened
I know it’s easy for me to say “move on,” but you have to promise me one thing. Once you feel you’ve done everything you can to understand what happened, focus on bettering yourself instead of what happened.
Staying stuck in that moment will only keep you feeling the way you feel now. Forcing yourself to look at the brighter side doesn’t mean you’re forgetting what they did, but you’re choosing not to let that situation control your life.
You can’t control what they did, but you can control how you decide to move forward. Let that be what protects you next time.
Conclusion
Betrayal will change you. There’s no way to experience that type of pain and walk away the same person you were before. But how you allow that change to mold you is up to you.
You can let betrayal make you a bitter, closed off individual who trusts no one. Or you can allow it to make you wiser than before and aware of the kind of person you let into your life.
Letting yourself work through these steps after feeling betrayed will not only allow you to move past them, but it’ll help you grow as a person.
FAQ
Why does betrayal feel so bad?
Because your trust was broken, and trust is essential when building a relationship with anyone. It’s not just about them hurting you, it’s about the loss of security you once felt.
Is it bad not to forgive someone who betrayed me?
Not at all. Forgiveness takes time, and sometimes you aren’t ready to forgive that person. Allow yourself to heal at your own speed.
How long does betrayal take to get over?
There’s no timeline on healing from feeling betrayed. Some situations may take 2 weeks to get over, others may take years. Just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling.
Will I ever be able to trust again?
Yes, but you have to start by trusting yourself again. Once you rebuild that trust with yourself, trusting others will come naturally.
What do most people do wrong when they feel betrayed?
They stay emotionally attached to that situation for too long or blame themselves for someone else’s wrongdoing.
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