I was recently having a conversation with a woman who looked great on the outside… but as soon as we sat down to talk, you could just feel the tension.
She looked in my eyes and said, “I don’t even know who I am anymore… What did I do wrong?”
I’ve never forgotten that moment.
Not because it was a dramatic statement—but because I’ve heard some version of that sentence WAY too many times.
As someone who has dedicated his career to studying relationships, talking to thousands of individuals each year, and going deep on relationship psychology, cheating is not something any of us want to experience firsthand.
But the truth is, most of us WILL deal with cheating at some point or another.
Whether you’ve been cheated on by your SO recently, or you just want to know how to handle this if it happens down the road, I want you to remember 2 things:
- You are not crazy.
- You are not alone.
Cheating hurts… but how you deal with being cheated on determines how much damage it does to you in the long run.
How to Deal With Being Cheated On (10 Tips)
1. Allow Yourself to Feel What You’re Feeling (Without Bottling It Up)
OK, we get it.
You were cheated on, you’re hurt, and you don’t want to feel this pain.
I understand.
But here’s the thing—if you hold in your emotions, they will destroy you from the inside out.
Instead of bottling things up and pretending everything is fine, allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up for you.
You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to feel weak.
It’s called emotional healing for a reason.
Give yourself grace during this time and understand that these emotions won’t last forever.
Read also: How to Stop Cheating on Your Husband
2. Stop Taking Responsibility For THEIR Decision
Trying to understand why your partner cheated is natural.
You may look in the mirror and blame yourself.
“What did I do?”
“Was I not good enough?”
“Why didn’t they tell me?”
But if there’s one thing you have to understand, it’s this:
YOU ARE NOT THE REASON THEY CHEATED.
Yes, there may have been issues in your relationship that led them to cheat.
But they chose CHEATING as the solution.
How they handled problems in your relationship was their decision alone.
Stop punishing yourself for things you’re NOT responsible for.
Rebuilding your self-esteem after cheating starts with understanding that you are NOT to blame.
3. Create Some Distance (If Possible)
I’m a big believer in not making any major decisions when you’re emotional.
And dealing with betrayal can really stir up some intense emotions.
That’s why it’s usually a good idea to create some space between you and your partner after they cheat.
This doesn’t mean you need to kick them out or break up with them.
But taking a step back from the relationship will allow you to gain clarity on what you really want moving forward.
Plus, when you’re emotionally hurt, you’re going to make decisions you’ll later regret.
During times of pain and hardship, I always recommend doing nothing rash.
Sleep on things.
Think about your options.
And most importantly—give yourself TIME to choose what’s best for YOU.
4. Don’t Make Any Rash Decisions About Your Relationship
Continuing from the previous point, you need to think clearly about WHAT YOU WANT.
Do you want to work on your relationship?
Do you want to break up?
Do you not know what you want?
Those are all OK decisions—JUST DON’T MAKE ANY DECISION YOU’LL REGRET.
You have the rest of your life to be with someone.
Don’t rush into a decision that you’ll wake up and regret tomorrow.
Work on clear thinking after cheating and allow yourself to process everything that’s happened.
Once you have clarity, you’ll know exactly what you want to do.
5. Ask Questions & Get the Truth (But Avoid Getting Too Personal)
If you decide to work things out with your partner, you’ll need some answers.
When was the last time they saw your partner?
Where did they hook up?
How often did they see each other?
These are all valid questions to ask your significant other.
As long as you approach the conversation with calmness and understanding, they’ll most likely be more than willing to give you the truth.
However, there is such thing as too much information.
Don’t ask questions that are unnecessary and won’t help YOU move forward.
Knowing every detail of the affair will do NOTHING but hurt you.
Remember this:
Asking for answers is healthy.
Digging for details is toxic.
This exercise is about helping you understand how to rebuild communication in a relationship after cheating.
6. Talk to Someone Instead of Suffering in Silence
We all handle pain differently.
But one of the worst things you can do when you’re hurting is bottling your emotions and suffering in silence.
Talk to someone that you trust.
Let them know how you’re feeling.
Emotional support is vital during times of hardship and stress, so make sure you have a solid support system to help you through this difficult time.
Don’t allow yourself to be alone with your thoughts.
7. Work on You & Your Self-Worth
One of the worst parts about getting cheated on is feeling undeserving.
But guess what?
YOUR SELF-WORTH was never determined by your partner’s ACTIONS.
When you go through a breakup or your partner cheats on you, take some time to better yourself.
Work on your dreams.
Focus on your body.
Find things that make YOU happy.
Trust me—taking care of yourself is the best way to improve your self-confidence after cheating.
8. Decide Whether the Relationship is Worth Saving…
If you and your partner decide to work things out, you need to decide if the relationship is worth saving.
Just because you BOTH WANT to save the relationship doesn’t always mean you SHOULD.
Cheating is destructive to a relationship, and trust is hard to build back once broken.
If you decide you want to save the relationship, make sure your partner is:
- WILLING TO MAKE ACCOUNTABILITY
- Consistent with their actions
- Ready and willing to earn your trust back
Asking these questions and more are a great way to ensure you’re making the right decision for YOURSELF.
Knowing whether you can trust them again is crucial.
9. Let Go of Trying to “Win” or Get Even
Okay—lovers cheat, players play.
But just because they betrayed your trust doesn’t mean you should go around doing the same to them.
While it’s NORMAL to want to cause them some sort of pain, know that getting even will do nothing but KEEP YOU attached to the situation.
Forgive them.
Move on.
Let go of trying to “win.”
What happened to your partner is part of a larger category called moving on after cheating.
Focus on YOU and your goals.
Don’t waste your time trying to cause others pain.
10. Focus on YOUR Healing
Above everything else, you need to focus on YOU.
Will you and your partner get back together?
Is the relationship worth saving?
How long will it take to build trust again?
Will they EVER be able to trust me again?
These are all good questions to ask yourself.
But if you come out of this experience without healing on a mental, physical, and emotional level, then it won’t even matter if you stay together or not.
Recovering from cheating takes time.
Don’t rush the process.
Allow yourself to heal from the pain.
Conclusion
Cheating destroys lives.
Lovers cheat and players play.
But you are NOT defined by your partner’s actions.
If they cheated on you, that says WAY more about them than it does about you.
As long as you come out of this experience focused on bettering yourself and healing from your pain, you’ll be OK.
Your future partner will thank you for it too.
FAQ
Can you really heal after cheating?
Yes—but it takes time.
Is it possible to forgive someone who cheats?
Absolutely. Doesn’t always mean you stay, though.
How long does emotional cheating take to get over?
Every situation is different, but for the most part—you have to give yourself time to heal.
Does cheating mean the relationship is over?
Not necessarily.
Cheating hurts, but relationships can survive cheating IF both partners are willing to put in the work.
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