As a man who’s witnessed countless relationships like this and who’s been where you are, I know that gaslighting is never an instant process.
It doesn’t start with someone yelling or screaming in your face. It’s slow. Methodical. Cloaked in faux phrases of “I care about you” or “I’m just trying to help.”
If you’ve felt confused, started questioning yourself, or wondered if you were going crazy, trust me, you don’t need more gaslighting. You need answers.
10 narcissistic gaslighting behaviors in men
1. He Constantly Denies Things That Obviously Happened
You remember him saying something specific or doing something that hurt your feelings. But when you call him out on it, he adamantly denies it ever happened.
He doesn’t deny it sideways. He flat out denies it as if you’re imagining the whole situation.
The more he does this, the more doubt you start to create in your mind. Did I really hear that right? Maybe I took it the wrong way…
This type of behavior is one of the most common forms of gaslighting in relationships.
If he can make you doubt your own reality, then he can control the narrative.
Read also: 15 Characteristics of a Narcissistic Individual
2. He Twists Things Around To Make You “The Problem”
Let’s say you express an issue to him. Instead of listening to your concern, he twists it around to make YOU the problem.
“Why are you being so sensitive?”
“You’re always blowing things out of proportion.”
Many times, gaslighting can involve holding you accountable for how HE made you feel.
Eventually, you stop speaking up at all because you know he’ll just turn it against you.
3. He Invalidates Your Feelings
You tell him that something he said or did made you feel a certain way. He shrugs it off.
He brushes your feelings aside as if they’re ridiculous or unnecessary.
Instead of validating how YOU feel, he criticizes you with statements designed to make you feel crazy.
This is another common technique to dismantle your need for emotional validation.
If he can make you believe your feelings don’t matter, you’ll stop expressing them altogether.
Read also: How to Stop Needing Male Validation (10 Tips)
4. He Rewrites Past Situations
Let’s say you told him something in the past that upset you. He’ll come back later and tell you it didn’t happen that way.
What you remember as him saying something hurtful, he’ll say that you must be confusing him with someone else who said that.
Eventually, he’ll rewrite entire situations to paint himself in a better light.
If he can change the past, then he can control how you perceive your history together.
Read also: 10 Effective Strategies to Handle a Narcissist with Confidence
5. He Pushes Your Insecurities
At one point or another, you shared an insecurity with him. Something you were afraid of or didn’t like about yourself.
And instead of comforting you like a friend would, he stored that info away for later use.
The next time you two get into an argument about something he likely caused, he’ll weaponize that insecurity.
Poking at your weakness is a classic power move of emotionally manipulative people.
6. He Switches Between Loving and Crazy Making Behaviors
One day he’s all love, smiles, and cuddles. The next, he’s shutting you out or speaking down to you.
He doesn’t treat you with consistency, which causes you to feel emotionally unstable.
But every time he goes back to his nice guy routine, you forget about the other behavior and hold on tighter.
This on and off pattern manipulates you into an emotional dependency on him.
7. He Makes You Feel Like You’re Overthinking
You bring up something that bothers you about his behavior. But instead of taking responsibility, he accuses you of overthinking.
You start asking too many questions or reading too much into things when you’re worried about him.
It’s amazing how many times he can make you question your own instincts.
Once you stop trusting your gut, manipulation runs rampant.
8. He Makes Zero Effort To Take Accountability
It doesn’t matter what he does, he’ll always find a way to not take 100% responsibility.
There’s always something you could’ve done differently. Some magical justification he conjures up to avoid apologizing.
Even if you caught him cheating, he’d find a way to make you question whether you gave him enough attention.
If he can avoid apologizing, then there will be no closure on the issue.
9. He Blocks You From Other Opinions
Whether intentional or not, he may make it seem “bad” to you if you talk to someone else about your relationship.
“You don’t need to talk to anyone but me about this.”
“Other people won’t understand our relationship.”
If you can’t see your situation from another perspective, you become dependent on his point of view.
And when you’re dependent on him for your reality, he holds all the power.
10. You Feel Constantly Confused Around Him
You should have known something was up when you found yourself feeling weird around him a lot.
Your mind feels fuzzy. You start questioning your thoughts, feelings, and decisions.
You don’t feel steady because you aren’t being fed steady, solid energy from him.
Constant anxiety, confusion, and frustration are not random. It’s manipulation.
Conclusion
Relationships where narcissistic gaslighting occurs are toxic. There’s no sugarcoating it. But they also don’t start that way.
One day you fall for a guy who you think really “gets” you. The next, he’s making you question if you know yourself at all.
I’m not sharing these tactics with you to scare you or frustrate you. I want you to know the truth.
If any of these situations sound familiar, don’t panic and try to “fix” things. Just become aware of them.
Awareness gives you the power to step back and look at your relationship objectively. And that’s the first step toward making a positive change.
You deserve a partner who cheers you on, trusts you, and validates your emotions. And most importantly, you deserve to trust yourself again.
FAQ
What is gaslighting in a relationship?
Gaslighting is manipulative behavior that causes someone to doubt their own sanity.
Can narcissistic gaslighting be unintentional?
Yes, some actions can be unintentional. But if you see consistent gaslighting behaviors from the same person, it’s likely intentional.
How do I deal with someone gaslighting me?
Stay rooted in what you know to be true. Write things down if you have to. Set boundaries. And in many cases, you need to limit contact with the gaslighter.
Can someone who gaslights change?
People can change if they are willing to do the internal work. Taking accountability is something narcissists have a hard time doing.
What’s the first step to healing from gaslighting?
Trust yourself again. Remind yourself that your experiences are valid and allow trusted people back into your life.
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