There’s nothing wrong with a comfortable marriage. But there is something amazing about taking your relationship from comfortable to warm and reconnecting with your partner.
I spoke with a husband and wife who had been married for years. They loved each other, enjoyed spending time together, and were great for each other, but they told me something was off.
Their marriage had lost its spark. Their sex life felt more like a scheduled part of their day instead of an intimate connection.
They didn’t want new partners. They simply wanted to reconnect and feel close again.
It’s normal to want this as a married couple. The years pass by, and you can become too comfortable with each other. But every couple can use tips to spice things up in the bedroom.
When you spice things up in the bedroom, you’re not trying to force your relationship to become something it’s not. You’re allowing yourself to reconnect with your partner and have more fun.
8 Romantic Ways to Spice Things Up in the Bedroom and Reconnect
1. Stop Treating Intimacy Like Another Task
If you find your intimacy routine feeling boring, it may be because it feels like a scheduled task.
When your spouse knows exactly what to expect every single time, it takes the anticipation out of your intimate life.
Start creating romance before you even get into bed together.
Send your spouse a sweet text. Give them compliments they don’t hear often. Let your partner know that you’re thinking of them and that you appreciate them.
You’re laying the foundation for intimacy by building romantic anticipation.
Healthy gestures don’t need to be huge. Simple things like holding eye contact, speaking words of kindness, and making your spouse feel attractive go a long way.
Read also: 30 Flirty Texts for Him at Work
2. Switch Up the Routine and Make New Memories
Would you believe that most married couples fall into the same routine because it’s comfortable?
You know your partner, and you know what works.
But if you do the same thing every single night (or week), your relationship can start to feel predictable.
Feel free to keep the aspects of your intimate life that you love, but try switching up your routine.
Change where you make intimate connections or focus more on the intention behind your time together.
For instance, you can create something as simple as cleaning up distractions before you spend private time with your spouse.
Turn your bedroom into a place that feels romantic and focus on each other.
Little things like clean sheets, privacy, and relaxation can help set the mood.
You’re not trying to create perfection. You’re trying to build a reminder that your marriage deserves attention.
Read also: 20 Relationship Advice Books That Can Transform Your Love Life
3. Communicate About What You Both Enjoy
I cannot stress this enough. I feel like half of the couples that struggle in the bedroom do not communicate with their partner.
Your spouse is not a mind reader.
Communicate about what you both enjoy and enjoy more often. If you don’t know what your partner likes, you’ll never know how to make them feel close to you.
Make time to discuss your relationship and your intimate connection when both of you are relaxed.
Share with your partner what you enjoy and ask them what they like to feel closer to you.
If you’re worried about hurting your spouse’s feelings, focus on the positive.
Instead of saying, “You never do this,” say something like, “I really enjoy when we…” or “Can we try… tonight?”
Healthy marital communication opens the door for trust. The more your partner feels comfortable sharing their wants with you, the easier intimacy will become.
Read also: 7 Relationship Details You Should Not Share With Your Friends
4. Focus on Romance Instead of Speed
When couples feel pressure or are short on time, they rush.
Intercourse feels less like an intimate connection and more like something you need to hurry through.
Slow down.
Focus on making your spouse feel close to you before, during, and after you spend private time together.
Physical attraction is built by small moments.
Hold your partner closer, tell them you appreciate them, compliment them, and let them know they’re wanted.
You’d be surprised how powerful words and gestures can be when you take pressure off the situation.
5. Make Each Other Feel Sexy Again
Long term couples stop focusing on what made them feel loved and wanted in the beginning.
Your spouse wants to know that they’re still chosen.
Make your partner feel attractive by telling them what you love about them or what you appreciate most.
You think your spouse knows? Tell them anyway.
Reminding your partner they are desirable builds their confidence in the relationship.
Make both people feel wanted, and you’ll notice your relationship become friendlier and playful.
6. Have Fun and Be Playful
Too many couples take life seriously.
You focus on bills, jobs, kids’ schedules, deadlines. You forget about the laughter and silliness that brought you together.
Playfulness goes a long way when it comes to attraction.
Tease each other (but be gentle).
Learn to laugh with each other.
And remember that you don’t have to take everything so seriously.
There’s nothing wrong with having a fun and playful relationship.
Look at the strongest marriages. It’s not just that they work great as a team, but they enjoy being around each other.
Make time to simply enjoy each other again. Act like the people you fell in love with that can still enjoy each other’s company.
7. Spend Time Learning About Each Other Again
No one stays the same person forever. Learn what your spouse enjoys now, not what they liked five years ago.
One of the biggest mistakes married people make is stopping communication with their spouse.
Stop asking questions. Start learning about each other again!
Ask each other what you both enjoy doing in private.
Ask what makes them feel close to you now.
Learn about their likes and dislikes and create new experiences together.
The best marriages are always growing together because they continue to learn about each other.
8. Put More Quality Time Outside of the Bedroom
Intimacy problems aren’t always about what you do in private.
They can stem from the lack of connection you feel when you’re not spending intimate time together.
Make your marriage a priority when you’re not in bed.
Take time to connect without distractions. Look at each other. Listen when one another talks.
Eat dinner together, laugh together, and create new memories.
Spending quality time together when you’re not being intimate will make your relationship stronger overall.
When you feel closer to your spouse on a regular basis, intimacy will naturally become easier.
Conclusion
To spice things up in the bedroom doesn’t mean watching trashy movies or trying to become a couple you’re not.
Bring more romance, passion, intention, and curiosity to the relationship you already love.
Couples don’t stop enjoying sex with each other because their feelings change. They stop making new memories and investing in each other.
Build your marriage one day at a time. When you pay attention to your partner and show them you care, the passion will follow.
FAQ
How can married couples spice things up in the bedroom?
By building romance before being intimate, communicating, changing up routine, appreciating each other, and focusing on connecting with your spouse.
Why does my sex life become boring?
Because your relationship becomes comfortable. Maybe you’re busy or don’t make intimacy a priority by building romantic experiences.
How can I tell my spouse I want to spice things up?
Tell them! Maybe approach the conversation when you both are relaxed and doing something fun. Focus on the positive changes you want to try.
Can couples really get the spark back?
Of course! By spending more quality time together, communicating better, and simply trying means your relationship will improve.
How can I improve intimacy in my marriage?
By feeling closer to your spouse. When you show love, appreciation, and respect, your intimate connection will follow.
Does spicing things up have to be crazy?
Not at all. Trying new things can be as simple as showing more affection, talking to your partner, and making an effort to connect.
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