I was talking to a client recently who had started dating someone new. She loved talking to him. Texting him made her smile. Spending time with him felt magical.
The only problem? She already had plans for where they could be in six months. Where they’d be a year from now.
A few weeks later, she called me upset and completely confused by how he reacted to her. Things had progressed so quickly at first. But suddenly, it was like he stopped trying as hard.
She realized that although they spent a lot of time together in the beginning, they really never took the time to get to know each other.
This conversation stuck with me because it’s something we all tend to learn at some point.
Relationships can feel amazing when you’re moving at lightning speed. But excitement isn’t a strong foundation.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is take a step back and slow things down.
Taking things slow doesn’t mean you aren’t interested in them. It doesn’t mean you’re trying to play games.
It means you want the relationship to grow without forcing it to sprint before it can walk.
If you’ve met someone you like and you really want things to work out, use these eight tips to take things slow in a relationship while still building a strong connection.
8 Relationship Tips for Taking Things Slow and Avoiding Heartbreak
1. Get to Know the Real Them
When you first begin dating someone, it can be hard to see them for who they really are. Between feelings of attraction, overwhelming chemistry, and pure excitement, you can sometimes miss important clues.
Instead of jumping headfirst into labels, future dates, or relationship talk, take the time to really get to know them.
Learn about their values. Their character. Habits. Goals. How they treat others.
Take notice of how they act when faced with stress, disappointment, or arguments.
The more you can learn about the real person behind your attraction, the better you’ll be able to decide if the two of you have what it takes to be long term.
Enjoy getting to know your partner. Allow your relationship to build on a foundation of understanding.
Read also: 10 Beautiful Emotions You Feel in a Secure Relationship
2. Don’t Spend Every Minute Together
It’s only natural when you like someone to want to see them all the time. However, jumping into someone’s life 100% can lead to becoming emotionally attached too soon.
Healthy relationships don’t happen when you glue yourself to someone else’s side 24/7.
Continue doing your own thing. Hang out with your friends. Spend time with family. Keep your hobbies. Work toward your goals.
Give yourself a life outside of the relationship.
While it might feel strange not to see your significant other all the time, this will actually give you both something to look forward to when you do spend time together.
You learn to appreciate them more. You learn to miss them when you’re apart.
You don’t become dependent on one another to have fun or be happy. You have strong relationships that enhance your life but don’t define it.
Read also: 12 Easy Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship Without Forcing It
3. Be Upfront About Your Relationship Status
Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s also important when you’re trying to take things slow.
If you feel like things are progressing too quickly, don’t hide your feelings.
Tell them you care about them and you would like to take things slow. Let them know you want to build something special, but you don’t want to rush into anything too serious until you’ve had a chance to get to know each other.
A lot of people avoid telling someone they want to take things slow because they’re afraid it will scare the other person away.
Typically, if someone is interested in you and wants to build a connection, they will respect your feelings. You always want to maintain healthy communication so there are no misconceptions. Plus, you never know until you try!
Learn how to improve your relationship communication skills here.
4. Avoid Major Relationship Milestones
Too often, couples feel pressured to get to certain points in a relationship by a certain time.
Before you know it, you find yourself entering into a serious commitment because you think that’s just what couples do.
But guess what? Every relationship is different.
Don’t compare your milestones to someone else’s timeline.
If you and your partner are happy and comfortable where you’re at, that’s all that matters. Allow trust, comfort, and your gut instinct to be the guides that tell you when you’re ready to move on to the next step.
5. Keep Things Realistic
Excitement can cause people to rush into things. Part of the reason why we rush through relationships is because we fall in love with the idea of being in a relationship.
It becomes more about what we want the relationship to be than what it actually is in the present.
Before you know it, you find yourself planning future vacations, holidays, or buying imaginary engagement rings six months into dating.
Of course, it’s healthy to dream about the future. But you have to learn how to be present and enjoy where you’re at right now.
Asking yourself if you’re in love with who they are or the idea of them can help you identify if your expectations are realistic.
Learn how to master emotional awareness here.
6. Remain Independent
One of the best ways to slow down a relationship is to continue bettering yourself.
Continue chasing your goals. Continue spending time with friends and family. Keep your hobbies alive. Don’t lose yourself in your partner.
When you do, your emotions will become attached to your partner’s actions and words. If they suddenly spend less time with you, you may feel rejected or lost.
By remaining you, you continue to bring your best self to the relationship.
You choose to be with this person because you want to, not because you need them to validate your existence.
7. Allow Trust to Build
Trust is important in every relationship. But when you try to force your relationship to move quickly, trust can become an issue.
You don’t want to find yourself wondering if your partner will actually do what they say once you get serious.
Real trust takes time to build. It’s developed through consistency and action.
When you take things slow, you allow trust to build on its own rather than trying to force feelings of trust where they may not exist.
Learn how to create healthy relationship boundaries here.
8. Enjoy the Little Things
When we throw ourselves into a new relationship, it’s easy to worry about what’s going to happen in the future.
We forget to live in the moment and enjoy dating someone new.
There’s so much to enjoy about the beginning of a relationship. Laughing over your favorite movies. Deep, connecting conversations. Getting to know someone on a romantic level.
You only experience these types of things when you take your time dating someone.
Instead of worrying about what you want to happen next, learn to enjoy the process of dating someone.
You might be surprised at how much stronger your relationship becomes when you stop trying to force what happens next.
Conclusion
Taking things slow doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling strong emotions for someone. It doesn’t mean you aren’t trying to build a connection.
Taking things slow means you care about the other person enough to let things happen naturally.
When you slow down, you learn to truly know who your partner is on the inside. You learn to trust each other and allow emotions to grow stronger with time.
You don’t have to force your relationship to the next level before you’re ready.
Take your time dating someone new and enjoy watching your relationship flourish at its own pace.
FAQ
Is taking things slow good in a relationship?
Yes! Taking things slow allows you to get to know your partner, learn to trust each other, and helps prevent you from making mistakes out of impulse.
How do I tell someone I’m trying to take things slow?
Just be honest and let them know! Most people will respect your feelings if you communicate them in a calm and respectful way.
Does taking things slow mean you aren’t serious?
Not at all. In fact, taking things slow is usually a good sign that you are serious about wanting things to work out with this person.
How long should you take things slow for?
There’s no time frame on taking things slow. Relationships take as long as they need to, and every couple is different.
Can taking things slow kill a relationship?
Nope. As long as both people are on the same page and communicating, taking things slow can actually be good for your relationship.
Is it too soon to take things slow?
If you’re not sure you want to be in a relationship but your partner is, then yes, it might be too soon to say you’re taking things slow.
Taking things slow should be mutual!
How do you know if you’re taking things too fast in a relationship?
If you find yourself spending all of your time with your partner, talking about major relationship milestones, or you’ve stopped focusing on yourself, you might be moving too fast.
Should you take things slow even if you click with someone?
Absolutely! Just because you have great chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you can’t take things slow and get to know each other.
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