One of my favorite quotes from my relationship coaching business is when people tell me love “should feel like a roller coaster.”
I’ve heard some variation of this statement more times than I can count. Many people come into my office chasing mixed signals because that’s what they think love feels like. They mistake anxiety for excitement. Secrecy for mystery. Waiting for butterflies.
But there’s one trend I’ve noticed over the years that continues to blow me away.
When I ask someone who’s experiencing healthy love for the first time to describe it, they don’t talk about constant butterflies. They usually say something along the lines of…
“It feels peaceful.”
I spoke with a woman once who had spent years of her life analyzing and depleting herself in relationships. Waiting by the phone. Searching for hidden meanings. Wondering what she did wrong.
She met someone who was unlike most of the guys she had dated before. And although it only took her partner about a month to calm her “roller coaster” emotions, it took months for her to realize what was happening…
“I don’t sit around stressing every day like I used to,” she told me one day. “I actually feel happy and safe.”
How beautiful is that?
That right there is what secure love looks like.
Healthy relationships don’t leave you wondering what you said wrong or wondering if they still care about you.
They make you feel things that are real, positive, and beautifully calming.
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be emotionally loved and secure, here are ten beautiful emotions you experience when you find someone who truly loves you.
10 Beautiful Emotions You Feel in a Secure Relationship
1. You Feel Peace Instead of Anxiety
The most beautiful emotion you feel when you’re with someone who loves you securely is peace. Real peace.
You don’t stress about what your partner said or did every second of the day. You don’t question whether they still love you after every conversation.
You don’t spend every ounce of your free time people pleasing in hopes that they’ll choose to stay.
This type of peace can be unfamiliar at first if you’ve never experienced a healthy relationship before. (In fact, some people think they’re boring initially.)
I know many clients who spent years jumping from one relationship to the next thinking something was wrong with them because their anxiety would never go away.
But love isn’t supposed to feel crazy or hectic. Real love is calming and reassuring because you don’t feel like you constantly have to chase it.
When you finally meet someone emotionally secure, all of your worries start to disappear because you’re no longer fighting for someone to love you… You’re just loved.
Read also: 10 Effective Coping Skills for Managing Tough Emotions
2. You Feel Safe Being Completely Yourself
It’s incredibly comforting to know that you can be your truest, rawest self around your partner and they will still love you.
You can joke around, share your opinions, let your partner see you cry, and show them the worst parts of you without freaking out about whether you’re still enough for them.
Feeling like you can be yourself all the time is such a beautiful emotion to feel around someone you love.
Many insecure relationships force you to walk on eggshells. They make you think you have to be someone you’re not just to earn your partner’s love.
But when you know you can tell your partner anything or show them any side of yourself, you experience a beautiful sense of freedom that knows no bounds.
That is emotional intimacy at its finest.
Read also: 10 Relationship Advice Lessons for Him That Can Save a Relationship
3. You Feel Deeply Respected
Love shouldn’t drain your mental, emotional, and physical energy. You should feel respected.
When you know your partner has your back, respects your boundaries, and values what you have to say, you automatically feel more respected as a whole.
If your partner belittles you or tries to control every aspect of your life, love will start to feel like a chore.
But when you feel respected by your partner, you feel respected, period.
Everyone wants to feel respected by their partner, but I’ve learned that respect is one of the greatest (yet underrated) green flags out there.
Read also: How to Rebuild Your Life After a Narcissistic Relationship
4. You Feel Understood
Understanding is one of those gifts you don’t truly know you have until it’s gone.
You don’t have to explain yourself over and over again or ask your partner to pretend they care when you know they don’t.
Your partner actually wants to hear what you have to say. They actually want to understand you on a deeper level.
Being understood allows you to feel closer to your partner in more ways than one.
It creates emotional intimacy and allows your relationship to grow stronger with time.
(Of course, both partners have to make this effort. Understanding is a two way street.)
Read also: 20 Relationship Advice Books That Can Transform Your Love Life
5. You Feel Supported Instead of Alone
There’s nothing better than knowing you have a partner by your side to help you celebrate the good times and navigate through the tough ones.
You never feel alone when something goes wrong because you know you have someone in your corner rooting for you.
Your partner wants you to be the best version of yourself, and they do whatever they can to help you achieve your goals.
Support can come in many forms, such as listening to you vent, giving you a comforting hug, or cheering you on from the sidelines.
True support creates consistency and allows you to trust your partner on a whole new level.
6. You Feel Free Rather Than Controlled
You never feel trapped or forced to stay when you know you can leave at any time.
A secure relationship allows you to be you. You don’t have to sacrifice your hobbies, friendships, or dreams just because you decided to become exclusive with someone.
You can still spend every weekend with your girls if that’s what makes you happy. You can travel and explore the world if that’s your passion.
Security and commitment don’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process.
When you have a secure relationship, you and your partner will encourage each other to continue pursuing your separate passions.
7. You Feel Hopeful About the Future
Does thinking about the future with your partner make you scared?
I know tons of people who say their relationship “officially” began the day they became exclusive.
But in healthy relationships, you usually find yourself dating for months before taking that next step.
Why? Because you want to make sure this is what you both want before giving your relationship a label.
When you have a secure relationship, you find yourself thinking about the future more. You get excited about making plans because you trust that what you have is real.
You don’t worry about whether this relationship is going to make it to next month because you know it’s going to make it far beyond that.
Security creates commitment. Hope creates happiness.
8. You Feel Appreciated
When was the last time you told your partner how much you appreciate them?
I want you to think about that for a minute.
You deserve to feel appreciated by your partner. You deserve to know that the little things you do for them matter.
You don’t go unnoticed.
Maybe your partner made you breakfast this morning or sent you a sweet text while you were at work.
Whatever it is that makes you feel appreciated, take note and hold on to it.
Appreciation is beautiful, and it’s something you should feel daily.
9. You Feel Joy in Their Happiness
Ask yourself:
Does your partner’s success scare you?
Do you feel threatened when your partner reaches a goal that you’ve been wanting to achieve?
If you’re constantly competing with your partner, your relationship is built on insecure foundations.
But when you have security in your relationship, your partner’s achievements make you happy.
You lift each other up because you know you’re both on the same team chasing after the same goals.
You are teammates, not competitors. 🙂
10. You Feel Loved Without Constantly Seeking Reassurance
You don’t question your relationship or your partner’s love for you all of the time.
You trust them because their words and actions prove it to you day after day.
Again, this doesn’t mean your partner shouldn’t reassure you every once in a while.
We all need a confidence boost now and then.
But your partner can tell you a million times that they love you, but if their actions don’t match up, you’ll never fully trust what they’re saying.
One of the many gifts of being with someone who loves you securely is that you stop questioning whether you’re good enough.
You know you’re enough because someone you love dearly tells you every single day.
Conclusion
Many of us grow up thinking love should feel wild. Explosive. Like a roller coaster.
But the truth is secure love is the complete opposite.
It feels peaceful. Happy. Secure.
If you experience these ten emotions when you’re with your partner, congratulations!
You’re either with that person right now or you will meet them someday.
You deserve to be with someone who allows you to breathe and love freely.
FAQ
What does a secure relationship feel like emotionally?
Peaceful, happy, calm, supported, etc. Secure relationships allow you to feel loved without constantly questioning if your partner cares about you.
Are butterflies necessary?
Nope. Butterflies are typically associated with excitement and uncertainty. While healthy relationships can make you feel giddy, they will more than likely make you feel calm and secure.
Can healthy relationships feel boring?
If you’ve never experienced peace in a relationship, you might think security equals boring. However, having a stable foundation with your partner is a beautiful thing, and it most certainly is not boring.
How do I know if I’m emotionally safe with my partner?
You feel comfortable expressing yourself freely. You don’t feel the need to people please in hopes that they’ll choose to stay. You know you can set boundaries and they won’t dissolve your relationship.
Why do secure relationships feel peaceful?
Because they are! Secure relationships have trust, respect, great communication, and consistency. They don’t have fear, control, nor emotional abuse or physical abuse.
Is peace the biggest green flag?
Yes and no. But for many people, peace IS the biggest green flag.
When you know you can feel emotionally safe with your partner, that’s pretty huge.
Peace often reflects other things such as emotional safety, trust, and confidence that you don’t have to earn their love day after day.
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