A lot of people believe relationship problems start with cheating, betrayal, slamming doors, and disastrous blowouts. Sometimes they do. But most of the time, relationships turn stressful and complicated because two people never set healthy boundaries.
One partner gives and gives until they feel emotionally drained. The other partner takes and takes without knowing they are hurting their partner. Then confusion builds up in areas where there should have been clarity.
As someone who studies relationships for a living, I have noticed that many people have boundary misconceptions. As soon as they hear the word boundary, they think walls, pushing people away, and selfishness.
Healthy boundaries are none of those things. Healthy relationship boundaries:
- Protect your emotional well being.
- Maintain respectful distance when needed.
- Help you and your partner understand how you want to be treated.
- Keep relationships healthy instead of draining.
Here are 15 examples of healthy relationship boundaries.
1. Having The Boundary To Ask For Space
One of the best boundaries you can learn to set in a relationship is asking for space when you need it.
Many people feel guilty if they need some alone time when they’re in a relationship. They assume that in order to be healthy, you must spend every waking minute together.
That’s not true.
Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean you aren’t your own person with your own thoughts, feelings, hobbies, and needs. Perhaps you need some time to yourself after work to unwind and be alone with your thoughts. Perhaps you need time to emotionally decompress before you feel like socializing.
“A few times a week, I need to have some time to myself just to relax and recharge.”
This is a great example of a healthy boundary because relationships should improve your life, not make you feel smothered.
Read also: How to Make Boundaries – 10 Steps
2. Saying No To Disrespectful Behavior
Arguments are going to happen. You can’t avoid them forever.
Two people can’t spend significant amounts of time together without butting heads once in a while.
The problem is when name calling, yelling, put downs, and disrespect are allowed to become normal during arguments.
“You can disagree with me, but you cannot yell at me.”
Just because you two may get emotional during arguments doesn’t mean you should both feel comfortable abusing each other with your words.
Healthy communication habits are one of the biggest predictors as to whether a relationship will improve your life or drain you emotionally.
Read also: 10 Relationship Boundaries Every Woman Should Set
3. Having Boundaries With Your Personal Privacy
Being in a relationship does not eliminate your need for privacy.
Many people go into relationships thinking they now have the right to know their partner’s every move, thought, and message. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re entitled to pry into your partner’s personal life at all times.
Privacy is healthy in a relationship. A healthy boundary may look like:
“You can trust me with your secrets, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to read your private messages.”
Privacy builds trust in a relationship when your partner knows you won’t shame them for sharing private information with you.
4. Maintaining Other Friendships
Another common boundary many people need in relationships is maintaining other friendships.
Too often, I’ve watched relationships become unhealthy because one person slowly begins to take over their partner’s entire world.
Sure, it can be fun to spend all of your time with your partner when you first start dating, but you also don’t want to cut everyone else out of your life.
Both you and your partner should still have outside friendships, hobbies, and interests outside of your relationship.
The last thing you want is to feel dependent on your partner for every aspect of your social life.
5. Setting Boundaries About Money
Money is one of those funny things that can cause issues in a relationship out of nowhere.
It doesn’t matter if you make a lot of money or only a little, how you and your partner handle money can create unnecessary stress.
Some people believe every penny should be spent together. Others believe financial expenses should remain independent.
Once resentment builds because you and your partner never discussed money, you’ve got a problem.
“I feel comfortable sharing expenses with you, but I also believe it’s important we maintain some financial independence.”
Talking about financial boundaries in relationships can help relieve stress because you and your partner know what to expect from one another.
6. Asking Your Partner For Help
If you’ve ever felt like you had to hold your partner’s emotions all by yourself, you’re not alone.
Many partners try to shoulder all of their partner’s problems by themselves.
“I want to be there for you, but I can’t handle all of your emotions by myself.”
Supporting your partner is important, but supporting them 24/7 will drain you if they won’t reciprocate.
7. Allowing Yourself To Follow Your Dreams
Your relationship shouldn’t make you feel guilty for wanting to follow your dreams.
People sometimes stop chasing their passions simply because they feel like they don’t have time for themselves anymore.
“I love my partner, but I also want to become a successful writer.”
Allow yourself to grow as an individual. You and your partner can both support each other without losing yourselves in the process.
8. Setting Social Media Boundaries
Social media is something most couples have to deal with these days.
You might wonder if it’s okay to message your exes. Is it flirting if you’re both single? Is it disrespectful to post photos of your partner? Is it weird to share every detail of your relationship online?
These may all be healthy questions to bring up with your partner.
Social media doesn’t have to be a boundary issue if you and your partner discuss expectations.
9. Standing Up For Yourself When Lies Are Involved
Trust is broken little by little every time your partner lies to you.
You may not notice a lack of trust until your partner lies about something important. But the truth is they’ve probably been hiding little white lies from you since the beginning.
“Lying to me is one of the things I will not tolerate.”
Lies don’t have to be about cheating or huge secrets. Lying about where you were late at night or why you deleted your text messages are forms of dishonesty too.
Asking your partner to be honest with you will allow stronger relationship trust building to occur.
10. Dividing Household Chores
“If I cook dinner, you have to wash the dishes.”
It’s nice to stay at home with your partner every now and then and make a big meal. But if you always cook and your partner expects you to clean, that’s not fair either.
Relationships should have a sense of balance.
Discussing expectations and household responsibilities can prevent resentment from building in areas that can easily be resolved.
Conclusion
Healthy boundaries aren’t going to damage your relationship. In fact, boundaries can protect your relationship from future damage.
Many people shy away from setting boundaries with their partners because they don’t want to come off as too strong or demanding. Setting boundaries with your partner can actually clear up confusion and prevent you from feeling annoyed by little things your partner does that may bother you.
Healthy boundaries allow you to express how you feel without fearing you’ll hurt your partner’s feelings. A strong relationship doesn’t come when you both never ask for what you want or need. A strong relationship is when you know how to ask for those things and your partner listens.
FAQ
Why are boundaries important?
Boundaries help you and your partner understand each other. They create clarity, which in return creates emotional safety.
Will boundaries make my relationship better?
Healthy boundaries will improve your relationship by keeping you and your partner’s emotional needs in check.
Are relationship boundaries selfish?
No. Setting boundaries can improve your relationship by allowing you to protect your emotional well being.
When should I talk to my partner about boundaries?
Ideally, you should talk about boundaries when you first start dating and revisit them when needed.
Boundaries can change as your relationship grows and evolves, so don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.
Do relationship boundaries change?
Yes. Life circumstances change, and when they do, your boundaries can change too.
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