A while back, I was sitting across from a couple who seemed, to an outsider:
okay.
They laughed with each other. They enjoyed each other’s company. They didn’t appear to have any major issues.
But something shifted inside me the more I tuned into their energies.
Whenever she looked at another guy, he changed his vibe.
Whenever she exercised her independence, he constricted or made a comment.
Whenever she shined, he’d find ways to belittle what she did.
It wasn’t excessive. It wasn’t glaring.
It was just insecure behavior.
Bruh… insecurity…
Never comes easy. But it always finds a way to creep into your relationship.
So, over the years, I’ve pinpointed exactly what habits to look for that identify insecurity in men.
If you don’t know the signs early on, you might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells with this man.
Damaging your own self-worth without even realizing it.
So let’s dive into the science-backed truths so you know what you’re really dealing with:
10 Traits of an Insecure Man
1. He Constantly Needs Validation
When it first starts, you might think it’s sweet.
Does he love you? Are you happy? He wants to know if you’re having a good day.
Checking in on you is one thing. But asking for your validation day in and day out will drain you.
You’ll give. And give. And give.
And he’ll never feel like it’s enough.
Why?
Because the problem isn’t you. It’s his lack of self-confidence.
Insecure men will lean on you to fill the void they have within themselves.
And the more you validate him, the more he’ll want.
Read also: 11 Signs He Is Trying to Make You Jealous
2. He Gets Jealous Quickly
Everyone gets jealous every once in a while.
But men who lack security allow their jealousy to dictate their behaviors.
Does he question where you’ve been? Get defensive over every male you interact with? Jump to conclusions that you’re cheating or lying?
If the foundation of trust in your relationship is weakened by his jealousy, you’ve got a problem.
One of the biggest parts of a stable relationship is trust.
You shouldn’t have to prove to your partner that you’re loyal.
Read also: 9 Best Revenge On a Cheating Boyfriend
3. He Attempts to Control You
Insecurity loves to hide behind controlling behaviors.
What you wear, who you talk to, where you go.
He may try to tell you that he cares about you, so he wants what’s best for you.
But if he’s controlling your every move, he’s not respecting you as a partner.
Controlling behavior in relationships is a red flag.
Real love wants the best for you without limiting your freedom.
Read also: 17 Signs Your Man Is Cheating On You
4. He Has a Hard Time Taking Criticism
We all hate being told we did something wrong.
But how you deal with that matters.
Do you yell? Do you give the silent treatment? Do you argue until you’re both screaming?
If he’s incapable of taking constructive criticism, he has low emotional intelligence.
Part of being emotionally intelligent is knowing how to accept when you’re wrong.
5. He Constantly Brags About Other Guys
Don’t listen closely… and you might hear him bringing other men into conversations often.
Whether he’s comparing the two of you or simply mentioning how great his friend’s wife is…
Letting other men into the relationship can be a form of insecurity.
He’s either trying to make you feel lesser than him, or he wants you to know there are other options out there.
6. He Wants to Feel Higher Than You
Rather than lifting you up, he’ll do the complete opposite.
Correct you when you don’t need to be corrected. Tell jokes at your expense. Diminish your accomplishments.
Why?
Because he isn’t confident in himself, your confidence intimidates him.
Many insecure men have a fragile masculine identity.
When you grow, he fears he has to try even harder to be better than you.
7. Small Things Make Him Upset
If you have a small argument, it turns into World War III.
You forget to do something that mildly upsets him, and he blows it way out of proportion.
Insecurity amplifies everything.
Rather than letting small things roll off his shoulders, he lets them ruin his mood.
8. He Often Seeks Approval From Others
You’re not the only one he has to text every 5 minutes to make sure everything is okay.
He needs everyone’s approval.
Social media, friends, other women…
He needs outside sources to feel validated as a man.
An insecure man has no internal confidence.
If he knew how great he was in his heart, he wouldn’t need others to say it.
9. He Has Dependency Issues
This goes along with trying to control you…
An insecure man will often lean on you for everything.
Your relationship becomes his identity.
You help him make decisions. You’re his rock whenever he feels sad or emotionally unstable.
You become each other’s everything, and while that’s cute at first, you both lose yourselves in the relationship.
10. He Has an Intense Fear of You Leaving Him
Insecurity = fear.
He fears he’s not good enough for you.
He fears you’ll find someone better.
He fears you’ll leave him one day, so he needs to control everything.
If he plays the victim, yells often, or exhibits anxious behavior when he thinks you’re upset with him…
It all ties back to his fear of you rejecting him.
Conclusion
Spotting an insecure man isn’t always black and white.
It’s not always obvious. But it will show up in some way.
Usually, it doesn’t appear as weakness. It shows up as behavior that slowly destroys your relationship with him.
The best thing you can do is spot the patterns as soon as possible.
Because the sooner you know what you’re really dealing with, the quicker you can approach the situation with clarity (and not emotional chaos).
Then you can truly decide what type of relationship you want.
FAQ
Will an insecure man ever change?
Only if he becomes willing to work on himself and open his eyes to how he truly shows up in your relationship.
Should I stay with an insecure man?
That’s up to you! As long as he’s willing to better himself and his behavior improves, you can stay if you want to.
Is insecurity a deal-breaker?
That’s up to you. But if his behavior doesn’t change and you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells? Probably yes.
How do I stop my boyfriend from being insecure?
You don’t. Lead by example by knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and encouraging him to better himself.
Why are men insecure?
Life experiences. Some men don’t know how to deal with their emotions. Others don’t have high self-esteem. Insecurity can stem from many things.
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