Healthy relationships don’t necessarily look happy on the outside. They are not perfect because neither person never argues, gets on each other’s nerves, or goes through rough seasons. What makes them healthy is that they BOTH know how to work through those things without letting them rip their relationship apart.
If you want to know if your relationship is healthy enough to last, stop looking at how great you both feel when life is going your way. Instead, pay attention to how you treat each other when times are tough. Do you know how to communicate when you both disagree? Can you honestly say you still WANT to grow with this person?
No one can guarantee your relationship will make it ‘til death do you part. People change, life changes, and even the strongest of relationships will face unexpected trials.
However, there are telltale patterns that separate healthy relationships from those that are held together by hook, chemicals, convenience, or fear of being alone. If you see many of these signs in your relationship, you just might have something stronger than a fling.
10 Signs Your Relationship Will Last a Lifetime
1. You Can Be Your Authentic Self Around Each Other
When you don’t have to pretend to be someone you aren’t to keep your partner interested, you already passed one of the biggest tests. You can be goofy, quiet, vulnerable, tired, pumped, ambitious, and unsure without wondering if every word or action is causing your partner to lose interest in you. You don’t walk on eggshells every time you speak because you’re scared of being judged.
You KNOW your partner has seen your ugly side, we all have one, and they STILL want to be with you. Building THAT level of emotional safety with someone is vital. A relationship will eventually fail if you or your partner feel like you have to pretend to be something you’re not.
Being yourself doesn’t mean you treat your partner like garbage every now and then. It means you accepted each other for who you ARE as PEOPLE. You can tell your partner you had a bad day or week without feeling like you’ll instantly ruin the mood. You can share your insecurities or make a silly joke without wondering if you’re pushing them away.
When two people can be vulnerable with each other and still choose to treat each other with kindness, they create an environment where intimacy will continue to grow. Remember, you won’t spend the rest of your life pretending to be that perfect person you were when you first started dating.
Read also: 60 Quotes About Understanding Your Partner for a Stronger Relationship
2. You Know How To Communicate When Things Get Tough
Think conversations are going well because you BOTH love hearing your own voice? Congratulations, you have reached the surface level of communication. The real test is when one of you is angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated. Couples who know how to communicate when tough topics arise know that not every conversation has to end in a WORLD WAR.
You can tell your partner something made you upset WITHOUT calling them selfish. And they can voice their opinion without making you feel like you have no value. Sure, you’ll still be emotional, but YOU BOTH know that the goal of this conversation is to resolve the issue, not tear each other down.
This is why healthy communication is more important than feeling giddy around your partner. Sure, sparks are important, but knowing how to navigate stressful or sensitive conversations will help you ride out the days when real life comes at your relationship head on.
Can you and your partner discuss money issues, family, boundaries, intimacy, future plans, frustrations, or other “taboo” topics without running for the exit? If so, you two have something special. You don’t have to agree on everything, trust me, you won’t, but you know how to fight fair, stay connected, and always put the relationship FIRST.
Read also: 45 Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend After an Argument
3. You Respect Each Other Even When You’re Angry
Let’s be honest. Relationships bring two people together, but respect is what keeps them there. Even when you are incredibly upset with your partner, you NEVER cross that line. You don’t embarrass them in public, threaten them every time you argue, nor do you go dig for things in their phone to hurt their feelings. You know enough to stop fighting when things get disrespectful because your partner is your favorite person, not your enemy.
Trust me when I say this matters. Every couple will experience times when they want to THROW THEIR HANDS UP and walk away. You will have days where you wonder, “HOW THE HECK did we get to this point?!” But when you BOTH respect each other, you have something to hold onto when those days creep up. Healthy respect allows you to fight about the problem, NOT the person.
You can apologize without feeling like they are patronizing you. You can set boundaries without being cruel, and you can disagree WITHOUT making your partner feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you.
Having a strong foundation of mutual respect will serve you well as you grow older and experience more difficult life stages.
4. You Genuinely Like Each Other
Think about how many days consist of ordinary time together versus romantic time. Granted, we all NEED romance, but when you can spend an entire day doing something mundane and STILL enjoy it because you’re with your partner, THAT is important! Days like that build the relationship when the sparks may be nil.
If you truly enjoy being around your partner when you aren’t doing anything special, you two have a leg up on couples who wait for “date nights” to be “on.”
Thinking about Date Night coming to an END can be scary if you realize the only thing you really enjoy about your partner is their LOOKS. If you can be alone with your partner and not think about how bored you will be, you’ve got something more than small time together. Couples who enjoy each other’s company can build a friendship inside their relationship that will help them weather the dull moments.
5. You Know How to Repair After Conflict
Let’s face it. No one is perfect and marriages are no exception. One of you is going to say something hurtful, unintentionally hurt your partner’s feelings, overreact, or have very weak impulse control one day. What separates the couples who make it from those who don’t is AFTER the argument. Can you both discuss what happened WITHOUT reopening the wound? Can you apologize WITHOUT making excuses for your behavior? Can you forgive WITHOUT reminding your partner of every mistake they ever made?
Learning how to properly make up after arguments is something EVERY couple should learn. Yes, address what happened and learn from it. But don’t bring up the same issue every time you fight because “it happened before too.” Sometimes making up means saying, “I understand why you would feel that way.” Other times it means waiting for your partner to calm down before discussing it.
The point is, you BOTH value your relationship more than your pride. As long as you’re willing to accept responsibility, listen to your partner’s feelings, forgive each other, and make positive changes moving forward, arguments don’t have to destroy your relationship. Learn how to argue effectively and you can grow FROM your arguments.
6. You Support Each Other’s Growth
Your partner doesn’t have to share EVERY interest, hobby, or goal in life for you to have a healthy relationship. In fact, a lot of couples will have things that are theirs alone. Maybe you like scrapbooking, but your partner doesn’t. Your spouse is fine with having friendships outside of your marriage, but you’re not. As long as neither of you feel threatened by your partner pursuing things that make them happy, YOU BOTH SUPPORT THEM DOING THOSE THINGS!
Thriving couples know that if their partner decides they want to learn something new, take a class, change careers, build healthy habits, or gain confidence, they WILL SUPPORT THEM. Developing personal goals while in a relationship isn’t about your partner changing so much that they “outgrow” you. It’s realizing that as your partner grows, YOU GROW WITH THEM. When they succeed, you celebrate WITH THEM. When they struggle, you SUPPORT them through it.
Humans grow throughout their lives. If you want a relationship that will last, you have to be willing to grow WITH your partner, not watch them grow apart from you.
7. You Share the Same Values
Before you freak out and think you have to agree with your partner on everything. You don’t! Seriously. I like action movies, my husband can take them or leave them. I’m an extrovert and he’s more of an introvert. But we respect each other’s wants and learn to compromise when we can.
However, when it comes to the things that WILL shape YOUR life together, you BOTH have to see eye to eye on certain things. Your views on honesty, finances, commitment, having kids, work, responsibility, communication, and where you see yourself in the future will have a bigger impact on your relationship than who likes Jonas Brothers more.
I can’t stress enough how important sharing the same values are in a relationship. Sure, your attraction to each other might make you ignore major issues in the beginning, but what happens when your relationship is faced with REAL life? One of you wants kids and the other feels like circles should be born to be wheeled into the zoo.
One of you is a natural saver and the other spends like money grows on trees. Guess what? Some of those things won’t magically get resolved once you tie the knot. Bottom line: You and your partner don’t have to agree on everything, but you do NEED to agree on the things that will affect your lives together!
8. You Trust Each Other. And Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Trust is what allows your relationship to BREATHE. When you trust your partner, YOU DON’T question every time they don’t answer their phone or analyze every text they send you. You trust that they have a life outside of your relationship and you are NOT threatened by that. That being said, trust your partner when THEY NEED to trust you too. If your partner CONSTANTLY lies, hides things that will affect the relationship, breaks promises, or disrespects your boundaries, THEN you have every right to NOT trust them… AT FIRST.
Trust is built through consistency. When your partner says they will do something, they DO IT. They don’t spend all day making you wonder what they’re up to. Over time, those small things build into YOU FEELING secure. Another part of trust in a relationship is knowing your partner will respect your relationship even when you’re not around. You don’t have to monitor their every move because you know they love and respect you enough to not cheat or react horribly while you’re gone.
When a couple trusts one another, they don’t spend their time and energy worried about their relationship. That extra space and freedom can do wonders!
9. You BOTH Choose Each Other Daily
Life is going great. You and your partner couldn’t be happier. Then WHAM, LIFE HAPPENS. Someone loses their job, you get sidelined with a baby that refuses to sleep through the night, you have to care for an ailing parent, or maybe your bank account just can’t support your current lifestyle. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and when it’s not, THAT is when you see who you BOTH truly are.
Some days you will not feel ONE ounce of romance towards your partner and that’s OKAY. As long as you BOTH know you chose each other, you can get through ANYTHING. This doesn’t give you permission to abuse your partner either mentally, physically, or emotionally. But what I mean is, a strong relationship is built on rainy days AND sunny days.
Every couple will face hardship whether they’re 6 months into a relationship or 50 years married. Things will happen that could drive a wedge between you if you ALLOW them to. But if you BOTH understand things happen and you WANT to be with your partner, you can get through anything!
10. You Can See YOUR FUTURE With Them
Can you imagine yourself celebrating achievements with your partner? Going through hard times WITH your partner? Laughing over old stories with your partner? Being old and gray and STILL wanting to wake up next to them? If you answered YES to these questions, you already have the strongest foundation of them all.
Just because you can see your future with this person DOESN’T mean you will be romantic every day. In fact, you probably won’t be. You both know each other’s flaws, annoyances, and seem to HAVE stopped hiding your “ugly” parts from each other. But you LIKE each other SO MUCH that you want to experience tomorrow WITH THEM.
You’re not asking yourself if you love them NOW. You want to know if you WANT to spend the rest of your life choosing them every single day for the rest of your lives.
Conclusion
Once again, NO relationship will be picture perfect, but if you and your partner can recognize your issues and FIX THEM, you can learn how to choose each other every day.
If you’re wondering if your relationship will last a lifetime, stop focusing on how much fun you and your partner have when you’re together. Focus on how you both act when things are boring. Focus on what you BOTH do after a huge argument. Do you feel you can be yourself around them? Does your partner support who you are becoming? Most importantly, ask yourself if you are BOTH working on building a relationship that will last THE INCREDIBLE AND UGLY moments, NOT just the moments that look Instagram worthy.
No one can promise you a lifetime with your partner, but if you BOTH continue to respect, trust, and choose each other every day, you just might find your relationship lasting longer than you both imagine!
FAQ
What are the top signs a relationship will last?
Some of the top signs include emotional safety, healthy communication, mutual respect, trust, being friends with your partner, sharing the same VALUES, learning how to make up after arguments, and WANTING to grow with your partner. Couples who can weather hard times together will always have a stronger relationship than those who just take the good days for granted.
How can you tell if your partner will be with you for the rest of your life?
Look at their actions, not just their words. If a partner loves you and wants to be with you long term, they will include you in their future, respect you and the relationship, build trust WITH YOU, support your goals, and actively work on the relationship WHEN problems arise. Commitment is shown during the good times and bad.
Can 2 opposites ever have a lasting relationship?
Of course! As long as you and your partner learn how to respect your differences and find a compromise when you can’t agree, it won’t be smart. Think about how many things you two disagree on but don’t allow to ruin your relationship. Chances are you can survive their annoying hobby if they can survive yours.
Is fighting a bad sign for a relationship?
It can be. Constant fighting is unhealthy, but some couples argue too much because they DON’T know how to communicate when things get serious. If you and your partner know how to DISCUSS a problem without letting things get disrespectful, you can have a healthy relationship.
How do couples stay together for years?
While there is no secret recipe, most couples learn HOW to communicate when difficult topics come up, they build trust with each other, remain friends outside of the relationship, support each other’s growth, know how to make up after arguments, and respect each other in both the good times and bad.
Is it normal for relationships to lose their spark?
Yes! When you first start dating someone, your brains release chemicals that make you feel amazing when you’re around your significant other. Over time, you won’t feel that excitement quite as often, but that doesn’t mean your relationship has lost its spark. In healthy relationships, couples’ chemical attraction turns into a deeper companionship, trust, and intimacy. Your relationship will feel different, but it doesn’t mean it’s any less passionate.
What if I love my partner but they aren’t trying to make things work?
You can ONLY FIX a relationship if YOU BOTH want to. Sure, you can improve how you communicate and how you react, but if your partner won’t put in the effort to resolve the problem, THERE WILL NEVER BE A SOLUTION. If your partner has made an effort to fix things in the past but suddenly refuses to help NOW, maybe they aren’t the one fighting for the relationship. You are.
How can I make my relationship stronger?
Improve on the basics. Communicate, build trust, learn how to respect each other when you don’t agree, make time for date nights, support each other when you can, and ALWAYS know how to apologize and make up after an argument. Relationships won’t be perfect, but as long as you BOTH want to, you can build a stronger one.
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