If your relationship were simple, there would not be much need for relationship advice. But we are all human, and we all experience a variety of emotions.
You can love someone with all your heart and still feel annoyed with them. You can feel grateful to have your partner and still feel moments of uncertainty. You can be excited about your future together and also feel scared about what is to come.
When I first heard this, it kind of blew my mind because it went against everything I thought I knew about relationships. The more relationships I began to pay attention to, the more I saw how true it was.
If you have been feeling a bunch of different emotions in your relationship lately, know that you are not alone, and it is completely normal. However, learning how to navigate those emotions wisely can prevent unnecessary conflict. Below are 8 tips that can help.
What to Do When You Feel Different Emotions in Your Relationship
1. Understand That Mixed Emotions Are Normal
When you start to feel different emotions about your relationship or partner, there tends to be this instant reaction to figure out how to make those emotions go away.
But when you take a step back and realize that mixed emotions are normal, you open yourself up to discovering what you are actually feeling.
Every relationship is going to experience a range of emotions. There will be times when you feel on top of the world and other times when you feel like you would be better off flying solo.
Reminding yourself that it is normal to feel deep love one moment and then complete annoyance the next will calm you down and allow you to understand your emotions.
Accepting your emotions does not mean that you should act on every feeling. Instead, practice accepting your emotions without judgment. This is called emotional awareness.
Read also: 10 Ways of Managing Overwhelming Emotions
2. Figure Out What You Are Really Feeling
Oftentimes, we feel one emotion when really we are feeling something else. You might think you are angry when you are actually hurt. You may feel like you are falling out of love when, in reality, you are just exhausted from life stress.
Take a moment to feel your feelings and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling?” beneath the surface. Journaling your emotions is a great way to process your emotions rather than reacting right away.
When you understand what you are feeling, it is also easier to communicate your emotions to your partner.
Read also: 10 Signs You’ve Been Emotionally Abused
3. Distinguish Between Temporary and Permanent Emotions
Not all emotions are created equal. Some emotions you are feeling are just reactionary to a bad day, an argument, lack of sleep, etc. But other emotions may be there to highlight a deeper problem.
Give yourself time to feel your emotions before trying to make a decision about your relationship. You will save yourself from a lot of regret if you can identify whether your emotions are temporary or permanent.
Keep in mind that emotions ebb and flow, especially in healthy relationships. Just because you are feeling something strong today does not mean it will not change in a week.
Read also: 8 Signs You Are an Emotional Person
4. Communicate Your Feelings to Your Partner
I used to think that if I talked to my partner about my emotions, I would start a fight. But as it turned out, not talking to my partner about the things I felt only led to bigger fights.
When you swallow your emotions rather than communicating them, you will likely start to build resentment toward your partner.
Next time you are feeling a mix of emotions in your relationship, try putting your feelings into words and sharing them with your partner.
“Communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” – Tatiana Maslany
A great way to communicate your emotions is to share them without blame. For example, you can say something like:
“I have been feeling really __________ lately.”
“I have been feeling confused about my emotions.”
Communicating your emotions will allow your partner to understand your experience and ideally offer support.
5. Look for the Overall Pattern
If you had a fight with your partner yesterday, it does not mean you should throw the entire relationship away. Nor does it mean you suddenly hate your partner.
One day does not define your relationship. Look for the overall pattern of your relationship and use that to guide your next steps.
Are you usually happy in your relationship, but these annoying feelings have not gone away for weeks? There could be a problem.
But if you generally feel happy and these other emotions are small, it is likely nothing.
6. Focus on the Positives
When you are feeling wildly confused about your relationship, it can be easy to overlook all the things you do love about your partner.
Take a moment to think about what you love about your relationship. Think about why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
This does not mean that there is not something to work on. It just means that you have a good relationship and you are likely just experiencing temporary emotions.
Focusing on the good things in your relationship can help you put those negative emotions into perspective.
7. Practice Self Care
When I am experiencing a lot of intense emotions about my relationship, it is usually because something else is wrong.
Maybe I am overwhelmed at work, trying to manage my blog on my own, or feeling insecure about my weight. When these things happen, I tend to feel like my relationship is crashing down.
But more often than not, that is because I have not been taking care of myself emotionally. If you are having emotional ups and downs about your relationship, practice some self care.
Your emotions can often say a lot about your state of mental health. If you take better care of yourself, you will find it easier to navigate the emotions happening within your relationship.
8. Ask for Help if You Need It
We all need help sometimes. If you feel like you cannot understand your emotions or how to react, seek out a friend, mentor, counselor, or relationship coach.
Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has a fresh perspective on your relationship. Other times, you might just need to vent to a friend.
Do not be afraid to seek out support when you need it. Whatever you do, do not face your emotions by yourself.
Conclusion
It is normal to feel many different emotions toward your relationship or partner. There will be times where you feel incredible love and other times where you feel frustrated, angry, and lonely.
If you experience roller coaster emotions about your relationship, take a step back and examine where your emotions are coming from. Use these 8 tips to better understand your emotions and learn how to react to them in a healthy way.
Remember that emotions are not set in stone. They are completely normal and happen to everyone from time to time. The best thing you can do is take a look inside yourself and figure out why you are feeling the way you feel.
FAQ
Should I tell my partner how I am feeling?
As long as you can communicate your emotions without blame, then by all means share them with your partner. Sharing your feelings can help your partner understand your experience and offer you support.
Do I need to talk to a relationship expert?
There is no shame in talking to a relationship expert. If you feel like you are unable to understand your emotions or how to react, a counselor can help you gain more clarity.
How can I tell if my emotions are temporary?
Take time to distance yourself from your emotions before making a decision. If your feelings subside after a few days, they were probably temporary.
Can outside stress affect my relationship emotions?
Any type of stress can affect your relationship emotions, whether it is stress at work, in your finances, or with your family. All stress trickles down to how you feel about your relationship.
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