As a relationship expert, I get asked this question all the time from women in long distance relationships.
“How do I make my boyfriend feel loved when I can’t even hug him?”
I completely understand how you feel. Having your significant other far away from you alters the way you show one another that you care. You can’t spend spontaneous weekend dates together, hold hands while watching movies, or cuddle on the couch all Sunday afternoon.
Long distance relationships require more intentionality. They thrive on great communication, trust, and doing the little things that remind your partner, “Hey, I love you and I’m thinking about you even when we’re apart.”
I’ve also learned something very hopeful through the years.
Some couples crack after only a couple of months of living apart, but other couples grow closer than ever before despite being separated by thousands of miles.
It’s almost never about the distance itself.
Rather, it’s how both partners decide to approach that distance. Long distance relationships that work know how to be together even when they’re physically apart. Couples who intentionally choose each other during times of distance often come out of it stronger than before because they’ve learned healthy ways to be emotionally intimate.
If you’re looking for tips on how to make your boyfriend happy in a long distance relationship, you don’t need to go overboard with extravagant gifts or obsessive texting.
You simply need to remind him that he’s valued, trusted, and loved even when life keeps you miles away from one another.
These five tips will not only bring you closer, but will help you reassure your boyfriend that distance may take your bodies apart, but it doesn’t have to take your hearts apart.
5 Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Happy in a Long Distance Relationship
1. Make Communication Meaningful, Not Just Frequent
Too many people believe that long distance relationships survive only on endless conversations. While talking and texting regularly is good, focusing on quality conversation is even better.
You’re not together to remind each other that you’re thinking about them. You already know that. Make time to talk about things that will allow the two of you to grow closer emotionally.
How was his day? What are some things he’s looking forward to this week? What made him smile? What was challenging about work? What are his goals? These types of questions will allow you to become more knowledgeable about his life and show him that you care more than just, “Hey, are you free right now?”
I also think it’s important not to feel pressured to talk every second of the day. Know that it’s okay to spend time with other people, spend time alone, and be productive with your days. Just because you may not be talking for a few hours doesn’t mean that you suddenly stopped caring about each other.
One idea I like to give my clients is to create intentional time instead of random conversations.
Schedule a weekly date where you both can sit down, with no phones, and have a full conversation about your weeks. Watch a movie via FaceTime. Cook the same recipe together. Take a bath and catch up over the phone. Make the most of your time together by creating memories that will help you both during times that you don’t see each other as often.
Of course, communication also looks like figuring out how your boyfriend loves to receive your words of affirmation. Some men love getting lengthy messages that make them feel heard. Other men love hearing your voice after a long day at work. Others don’t always need serious discussions but love making each other laugh instead.
No matter what you decide to do, learn how to communicate in a way that allows both of you to feel connected even when you’re physically far apart.
Read also: 12 Long Distance Relationship Psychology Tips
2. Trust Him and Avoid Playing the Guessing Games
If I had to pick one thing that kills a long distance relationship, I’d have to say anxiety and trust issues.
When you’re used to seeing someone every day, it’s easy to feel jealous or suspicious when your boyfriend:
- Answers his phone slower than usual.
- Isn’t ready to text you back right away.
- Finishes his lunch before you do.
- Says he can’t Skype tonight.
If you can’t cuddle up next to your boyfriend whenever you feel insecure, it’s normal to assume the worst in him when he doesn’t immediately reply to your concerns. But acting crazy and questioning his every move will only drive him farther away and push you two closer to a breakup.
Trust is choosing to believe the best in him until proven otherwise. If your boyfriend has given you every reason to be jealous or suspicious, then those are definitely conversations you two should be having. But if he’s been nothing but faithful and trustworthy, let him continue being that way.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your boyfriend is to trust him. Most men feel happier and more secure in relationships where their girlfriend trusts them, not smothers them with questions.
And guess what? That trust should go both ways. Encourage him to share about his day, his struggles, and the people he spent time with that day. Share the same things with him in return.
Don’t keep a scoreboard of who texted more, who spent more time with their friends, or who had a worse day. Be open and honest with each other, allowing the two of you to grow independently while knowing your boyfriend has your best interests at heart.
Building a healthy relationship on mutual trust will allow you both to live your lives without feeling guilty that you’re spending time away from your significant other.
Read also: 47 Heart Touching Love and Trust Messages for Him
3. Get Creative and Make Him Feel Special
Too often, couples fall into the mindset that romance only happens when you’re physically near each other.
But what most people don’t realize is that long distance relationships can be some of the most romantic relationships out there.
You don’t have to spend money that you don’t have to show your boyfriend that you love him.
Leave him a funny voice note wishing him luck on his big presentation. Send him a handwritten letter telling him why you appreciate being with him. Order his favorite food from the restaurant he loves after he’s had a long week. Make a playlist of songs that remind you of your relationship. Send him a picture with the caption, “Thinking of you.”
The point is to be creative and show him you were thinking about him. When my boyfriend and I are apart, we make each other little surprise gifts that we can open when we’re missing each other.
We’ll make each other goofy cards or write letters about our week. It’s a small gesture that takes maybe five minutes, but it reminds us that the other person is thinking of us.
Celebrate the small victories with him. Did he finish a project he’s been working on? Send him a congratulatory gift. Got offered that promotion at work? Order him his favorite dinner to celebrate with him.
When you take the time to acknowledge the small things, your boyfriend will feel like you care about what he has to say. He’ll feel like you’re involved in his life, not listening to him from afar.
Plus, don’t forget to flirt like crazy. Guys love hearing the girl they love tell them how amazing they are.
Whether you’re sending him sweet messages or having deeper conversations, remind him that you’re with him every step of the way. The more you two focus on building emotional intimacy, the more distance becomes pointless.
Read also: 7 Long Distance Relationship Advice That Make Love Last
4. Support His Goals and Avoid Expecting His World to Revolve Around You
It’s only natural to assume that when you’re in a relationship, your partner should want to spend every waking moment with you.
And when you’re used to seeing your boyfriend 24/7, it feels weird when you suddenly have to deal with large amounts of time without him.
You shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to drop everything and cancel his life whenever you’re feeling sad.
Encourage his goals and continue being there for him when he needs you.
Does he have a big project he’s working on at work? Celebrate when he accomplishes his goals.
Is he spending time with his friends to take his mind off missing you? Let him enjoy their company.
Healthy long distance relationships understand that both people still need time to live their lives even when they love each other.
The more you allow your boyfriend to live his life, the more he’ll want to come back to you.
This doesn’t just apply to him allowing you to do your thing. You should allow yourself to live your life too.
Take time to grow together and apart. Learn new hobbies, spend time with your friends, and focus on the things that make you happy.
You’ll be amazed at how much better your boyfriend will feel when both of you can share your lives with each other instead of just wanting to spend every second glued to your phones.
Not only will this allow you two to have more things to talk about, but you’ll also create a healthy sense of independence.
You should never want your boyfriend to be your everything. He shouldn’t complete every sentence you say or fill every hobby you have. Believe me when I say you two will have a much healthier relationship when you allow each other to live.
Support each other’s personal growth, and you’ll come back together stronger than ever before.
5. Give Him Something to Look Forward To
You should always have something to look forward to with your boyfriend.
Make sure you guys always have the next date planned before you leave. Even if that next date isn’t for another couple of months, you’ll have something to look forward to when you’re feeling down.
If you can’t see each other anytime soon, create smaller things that you guys can look forward to.
Try doing a virtual movie night once a week. Read the same book together. Start a TV show that you only watch when you’re on the phone. Make a list of places you want to go together when you reunite. Dream about future trips and plan your dream wedding.
Dream about the simple things too. Dream about cooking dinner together once you live near each other. Dream about going grocery shopping on weekends. Dream about what you want your Sunday mornings to look like.
Share your future with each other.
Final Thoughts
Figuring out how to make your boyfriend happy when you’re in a long distance relationship isn’t about grand romantic gestures every now and then.
It’s about showing him that you care, you appreciate him, you trust him, and you still want to be a huge part of his life no matter what obstacles come your way.
Have amazing communication, show your trust for each other, make each other feel loved, support each other’s dreams, and never take your time apart for granted.
Distance means you’ll have to be apart for a period of time, but it doesn’t determine whether you two will stay together or not. You determine that.
When you both decide every day that you want to be with each other despite the distance, you build a strength in your relationship that will last far beyond being miles apart.
FAQ
How can I make my boyfriend feel loved from far away?
Spend time having meaningful conversations, show appreciation for one another, surprise him with thoughtful gestures, trust him when he says he’ll call you later, and make time for quality conversations instead of mindlessly texting each other all day.
Will talking every hour on the hour help us feel closer?
Not necessarily. While it’s good to stay connected and talk often, you both also need time to live your own lives. Spending time with other friends, taking time for yourself, and being productive with your day is healthy and normal.
How do I stop anxiously texting my boyfriend when he’s busy?
Remind yourself that you trust each other. Don’t jump to conclusions when he doesn’t immediately reply to your texts. Allow yourself to stay busy without assuming that he no longer cares about you.
What are some good surprises for my long distance boyfriend?
Send him handwritten letters, sweet voice messages, make a playlist of songs that remind you of him, order his favorite food from his favorite restaurant, or send him a care package filled with goodies that he can open when he’s missing you.
Can being in a long distance relationship make a couple stronger?
Absolutely! Many couples who choose each other while being in a long distance relationship tend to grow closer than before because they know how to communicate better, trust each other, and make the most of the time they do have together.
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