I know I’m not married…yet.
But I have spent years studying relationships and marriage. I’ve watched marriages begin with so much joy and anticipation, only to fall apart years later. Then I’ve watched other couples endure unthinkable challenges, only to have their marriages become even stronger.
Trust me, I’ve read books on relationships and marriages, listened to “experts” explain what I needed to hear, studied human behavior in my degree, and paid attention to the couples God placed around me. There are things I’ve learned about marriage that everyone should know.
Sometimes people walk into marriage thinking their spouse will always love them, that passion will keep them motivated to work through issues, and that what they have is enough. They believe love will see them through any circumstance. But marriage is hard, and love isn’t always enough to get you through the toughest of times.
When you learn what marriage really requires before you walk down the aisle (or while you’re already in one), you’ll have a better understanding of how to build a healthy, lasting marriage.
If you’re preparing for marriage or just want to better understand what makes marriages work (or fail), keep reading. These are eight things you should know about marriage.
8 Important Things You Need to Know About Marriage
1. Love Isn’t Enough to Make Marriage Work
“I love my spouse, so we’ll work things out.”
How many times have you heard that or something similar?
Love is great. Being in love is a wonderful feeling. But if that’s the only thing bringing you and your spouse together, you’re setting yourselves up for failure.
Two people can love each other and still grow apart over time. Love is the foundation for any good marriage, but it takes more than feelings to stay together when times get tough.
Commitment, communication, respect, patience, and trust keep a couple glued together when love begins to fade.
Yes, your feelings toward your spouse will change over time. There will be days you feel incredible love and days you question why you fell in love in the first place.
But if you commit to each other and choose each day to continue loving and investing in your spouse, you can weather any storm.
Read also: 10 Signs of a Difficult Husband in Marriage
2. Communication Is Key
Few marriages end overnight because something “major” happened.
More often than not, marriages slowly come to an end because husband and wife stop talking to each other.
When couples fail to communicate, small things turn into big arguments. Emotions are hurt. And resentment starts to build.
Learning how to communicate well with your spouse is one of the best investments you’ll ever make in your relationship. Not only will it improve your marriage, but it can help you prevent many issues from developing in the first place.
Read also: 45 Important Questions Before Marriage You Must Ask
3. You Marry the Person, Not the Potential
We all fall into this trap of wanting to change our partner. But the truth is, you aren’t married to their potential. You are married to who they are at this present moment.
Can people change? Sure they can. But you shouldn’t marry someone with the hopes they will become who you want them to be.
If you’re dating someone and want them to change specific aspects of their life, you need to ask yourself if you can truly love them as they are today.
Read also: 50 Serious Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Marriage
4. Arguments Don’t Mean Your Marriage Is Doomed
Do you and your spouse fight often?
If so, your marriage isn’t failing.
It’s normal for couples to disagree on certain things. Two different people are getting married. Two different backgrounds, opinions, and tastes are coming together to share a life.
Arguments and conflict in marriage are normal and healthy.
It’s how you fight that can harm your relationship.
Take the time to learn how to argue in healthy ways. Resolve conflicts with communication and understanding. Use disagreements as a tool to grow individually and as a couple.
5. Marriage Takes Work
Some people look at marriage as a destination.
They plan the wedding for years, take months saying “I do,” and then wonder why their relationship reaches a slump.
Here’s the thing.
Just because you got married doesn’t mean you should stop putting time and effort into your relationship.
Make sure you continue to spend quality time together, communicate, show appreciation, and keep the romance alive.
It’s your continuous effort that will keep your marriage strong year after year.
6. Never Take Trust for Granted
Trust is something you build over time.
Once trust is broken, it can be hard to repair.
When your spouse can’t trust you, they’ll spend your marriage second guessing their every move, your every word, and your motives.
Build trust with your spouse.
Let them know they can trust you with the ups and downs of life. Let them know they can be vulnerable with you. And when you make mistakes, do what you can to regain that trust as quickly as possible.
7. Marriage Shows You Parts of You the Dating Stage Never Did
When you’re dating someone, you show each other your best selves.
When you get married, you show each other your entire self.
All of your good qualities, bad habits, silly quirks, fears, insecurities, and everything in between.
Many people think this is bad. But it doesn’t have to be.
Marriage can help you grow in incredible ways if you let it. It will challenge you to become more patient, understanding, self awareness, accountable, and emotionally mature.
You will learn things about yourself through marriage that you would have never realized on your own.
8. Who You Marry Is Important
I saved the best for last.
Marriage problems don’t usually start on your wedding day.
In fact, many issues begin long before you walk down the aisle.
You can read every book, listen to every podcast, and talk to every married couple known to man, but none of it will “fix” your marriage if you marry the wrong person.
How you choose your spouse matters.
Look for someone who values honesty, can handle stress well, shows respect to others, handles conflict like an adult, takes responsibility for their actions, and loves like you do.
Physical attraction matters, but your spouse’s character will affect your daily life more than you know for the next 50+ years.
Conclusion
There’s so much that goes into a successful marriage.
If you know the truths of marriage before you walk down the aisle, you’ll walk into your relationship with a more realistic perspective.
You’ll understand that while love is important, it takes many other qualities to maintain a healthy, long lasting marriage.
It’s how you react and respond to each other during the good times and the bad times that will determine the health of your marriage.
The couples that thrive in marriage aren’t the couples that never face problems. They’re the couples that know how to face problems together.
When you understand marriage is less about finding the perfect person and more about building a healthy marriage with the person you choose, you’ll be set up for success.
FAQ
What are three things you should know about marriage?
Love is just the beginning. Successful marriages require good communication, trust, commitment, accountability, and more.
Is marriage harder than dating?
Yes and no. Marriage is harder in the sense that you have a deeper level of commitment to one another. You live with each other every day and will eventually face tough situations together. However, many couples who struggle in marriage can work through their problems with good communication.
How do healthy marriages make it?
Healthy marriages communicate, show affection, spend quality time together, trust each other, deal with conflict in healthy ways, and continue to work on their relationship every day.
Why do most marriages fail?
There isn’t one specific reason most marriages fail. Every relationship is different. But the main reasons I’ve noticed include poor communication, trust issues, financial conflicts, poor conflict resolution, and selfishness.
Can a bad marriage turn into a good one?
Yes. However, it takes two willing people to make that happen. If you and your spouse are willing to sit down and work on your problems, your marriage can become healthy again.
What should you look for in a person before marriage?
Look for someone who is honest, emotionally mature, responsible, kind, and respectful. While physical attraction is important, make sure the person you’re marrying has good character.
Is it normal for a marriage to go through hard times?
Absolutely. Every marriage goes through ups and downs. Learn how to weather the hard seasons together and your marriage will come out stronger on the other side.
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