As someone who is Nigerian and has spent a significant amount of time observing online dating, social media based relationships, and just internet culture from the inside and out, I feel like I have what it takes to give you the real 15 signs you are dating a romance scammer. No, really. Nigeria gets brought up more than any other country when it comes to online scams. As a result, I’ve heard stories from victims and almost victims too many times to count. I’ve watched the patterns, tactics, and manipulation techniques of romance scammers play out over and over again.
The interesting thing I’ve noticed is that romance scammers very rarely actually resemble criminals. They aren’t going to come onto a dating website or social media platform and ask you for money on day one. Some of the best scammers are extremely charming, patient, attentive, and overall excellent at making you feel special. They know exactly how to play on your emotions to gain your trust, form an emotional attachment, and make you feel like you’ve finally found THE ONE. They’ve mastered the art of manipulation, so by the time most people realize they could be dating a scammer, they’ve already fallen in love.
Romance scams are scary because everyone wants to feel loved, cared for, appreciated, understood, and connected to another human being. Romance scammers know this and study the psychology behind human connection better than you might realize. That’s also why the brightest people can still fall victim to scams like this. I’ve watched doctors, college graduates, successful business owners, and people you would NEVER expect fall right into the trap, hook, line, and sinker. Smart people get scammed too because sometimes emotions can blind us.
What I can tell you is that, like any type of scam, once you know what you’re looking for, spotting the red flags becomes pretty easy. Whether you’re talking to someone online or currently in a long distance relationship, use this list of signs to help you identify whether the person on the other side is being genuine or just happens to have ulterior motives. Don’t let your heart or your money get caught up in someone else’s lie. Here are all the signs you should look out for if you think you could be dating a romance scammer.
15 Signs You Are Dating a Romance Scammer
1. They Fall in Love Extremely Fast
Healthy relationships take time to build. Two people invest time getting to know each other and establish trust through consistency and a series of positive experiences. True intimacy and emotional connection doesn’t happen overnight.
Scammers try to rush you. Often within days or weeks of talking, they’ll claim you’re their soulmate, say they’ve never felt like this about someone before, or mention wanting to spend the rest of their lives with you. While these things can be flattering to hear, keep in mind there’s usually a reason why they’re trying to force those big declarations of love in the beginning.
Scammers want to create an emotional attachment as soon as possible so they can focus on their end goal (aka getting whatever they want from you). If someone is professing their undying love for you before they really know you, it’s probably less about love and more about control.
Genuine care and affection will grow with time. You don’t need to rush into loving someone just because they want you to.
Read also: True Love vs Fake Love: 5 Ways to Tell the Difference
2. They Always Have an Excuse to Avoid Meeting
One of the biggest signs you’re talking to a scammer is if you bring up the topic of meeting in person and it always ends with them having an excuse as to why they can’t. Will meeting in person take time? Sure. But if you’ve been talking for months and every single time you make plans, it falls through at the last minute due to something “unexpected” happening, you should probably take that as a red flag.
The excuses may change, but they almost always use the same pattern. They say they’re working overseas with limited vacation time, in the military, constantly traveling for work, or dealing with some type of family emergency. Something is always happening that prevents them from leaving where they’re currently at to come to you.
Distance is not confirmation of a scam. Plenty of legitimate people have laid the foundation for relationships and met online. Don’t turn down someone who lives far away before you give the relationship a chance, but if you’ve been talking to someone for several months with no legitimate attempts to meet in person, you’re better off watching them go.
Read also: 6 Things You Should Do Every Month to Improve Your Life
3. Their Stories Don’t Always Add Up
Have you ever noticed small things your partner says here and there that don’t really add up? Maybe they grew up in one city but later mention somewhere else, or they described what their job was to you a few months ago but recently said something completely different? Relationships can be complicated, and it’s normal for little things to slip your mind every now and then. But if you catch your partner in these small lies often, it might be time to pay attention.
Frauds and scammers often have to make up parts of their identity to match the stories they’re telling you. Whether it’s where they work, where they’re originally from, or what their job even entails, some details may change throughout the relationship.
Small things like these may not mean your partner is a scammer, but if you catch them being inconsistent about the same story twice, or notice the same pattern with a variety of stories, you may want to evaluate the relationship.
4. They Move the Conversation Away From Dating Platforms Quickly
Websites don’t like scams. It’s bad for business, which is why many dating websites will monitor interactions and flag suspicious behavior. Because scammers know this, they often try to get you to move your communication to private channels as quickly as they can.
Moving conversations to private platforms , most times Whatsapp allows scammers to avoid being monitored by the website and continue building your trust privately.
Don’t necessarily drop the website you met on right away when someone suggests moving the conversation, but if they want to move things over immediately, that might be a sign of something fishy.
5. They Seem Almost Too Perfect
Let’s be real. They’re perfection. Every part of them is thoughtfully crafted to meet your needs and interests. Whether it’s the way they look, their job, personality, or the way they make you feel when you’re with them. There’s nothing they can do wrong in your eyes, and you probably feel the same way about them.
Scams can feel surreal because there’s no conflict. Every time you talk to them, they agree with everything you say, pay you compliments every chance they get, make you laugh, and just overall seem like your soulmate.
Remember, you can’t receive light without a little darkness. No one is perfect, and even the most beautifully matched couples will have differences in opinion, interests, and personality. Scammers know this, which is why they’ll mold into whatever they think you want to hear in order to keep you attached. A partner’s flaws and differences are what make them who they are. Don’t forget that.
6. They Constantly Shower You With Attention
“I love you.” “I can’t wait to be with you.” “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” “You’re so beautiful.” “You make me happy.”
Do these phrases sound familiar? If you’ve been talking to someone who spams you with affection and compliments, you could be dating a narcissist or a scammer.
Love bombing is when someone you’re talking to tries to overwhelm you with affection, attention, compliments, and emotions early on in the relationship. It’s meant to create dependency and sometimes even fear. You may also notice your partner constantly messaging you and seeking you out for attention.
If you find that your partner is smothering you with affection, it’s not necessarily bad. But if the amount of attention you’re receiving is overwhelming and seems crazy considering you’ve only known each other for a short period of time, someone may be trying too hard.
7. They Avoid Video Calls at All Costs
Technology has made it easier than ever for people to talk face to face without seeing each other. You can even tell if someone is telling the truth just by their voice. So why do so many avoid video calls?
Scammers come up with every excuse in the book to avoid video calls. Broken cameras, bad internet connections, being too busy at work, not feeling comfortable, and many more excuses we’ve heard before.
Avoiding phone calls is one thing, but if you ask your partner to see their face and it always ends with them making up an excuse to avoid it, you should question what they’re hiding.
Real people who are interested in you will want to see you just as much as you want to see them. If your partner constantly makes excuses to avoid video chatting, they may not have anything to show.
8. They Have a Drama Story
Sooner or later, they will come to you with a sob story. Maybe their wallet was stolen while traveling, so they’re short on money. Or their grandmother just passed away, and they need financial support to pay for funeral expenses.
They may not come right out and tell you they need money, but when they do give you a sob story, there’s a good chance they’ll ask you for money shortly after. Scammers often create a sense of urgency to try and manipulate you into sending them money. Whether it’s to pay for something “important” they can’t afford or the promise of paying you back “as soon as” they get their own finances in order.
Just because your partner tells you they need money doesn’t always mean they are scamming you. But if someone you’ve never met in person asks you for money, that should raise red flags.
9. They Ask You for Money
Came straight to the point, didn’t they? Okay, now please calm down. I know money is a sensitive subject, but if someone you’re dating online asks you for money, USE YOUR COMMON SENSE.
They may not ask you right away, but sooner or later, they will find a reason to ask. Maybe they need help paying for gas since they can’t currently get reimbursed by work, or their wallet was stolen during their trip.
Your partner may start off small, but once they realize they can ask you for money, they never stop asking. Think about it. If you have a solid person you’re talking to, would you be begging them for money left and right? Exactly. You shouldn’t have to ask your S.O. for money, especially if you’ve never seen them in person.
10. They Ask for Gift Cards or Cryptocurrency
This right here is when you know for sure. Sure, they may ask for money to be sent to their bank account, but scammers love when you pay them in untraceable forms of money.
It’s harder to track where gift cards, cryptocurrencies, and certain payment methods are being used. That’s why, once they’ve gained your trust, scammers will ask you for gift cards.
“Oh, you don’t have to pay me right now. Gift cards will be easier for me to use.”
If someone asks for gift cards or cryptocurrency, run.
11. Their Social Media Doesn’t Add Up
Romance scammers can seem spotless. I know we’ve repeated this a lot, but hear me out. When you look at their social media profile, it looks like they’ve been posting for the past 20 years. Thousands of photos, likes, comments, tons of friends and family members, and they’ve been on Facebook since 2004.
Look closely at their profile. How long have they actually been on Facebook? Do they seem to only have photos on their profile from a few months ago? It’s hard to establish a solid social media background in 2 months.
Scammers will sometimes create fake profiles with photos of real people. They may also buy older accounts to make it seem like they’ve been around longer. But if something looks off about their social media presence, dig a little deeper.
12. They Get Defensive When Questioned
The best relationships are built on trust. But before you can trust someone, you both need to trust that you’re being truthful with one another.
Questions like, “When were you in the military? You weren’t gone that long when I looked at the dates” or “If you make so much money, why can’t you just buy your own travel ticket?” should be able to be answered without your partner getting defensive.
If your partner clams up, gets defensive, or doesn’t want to give you a clear answer when you ask simple questions, that’s when you know they may be hiding something.
13. They Say They Work Overseas
This goes hand in hand with not wanting to meet in person. Say your partner continually makes up excuses as to why they can’t visit you. Chances are, they’re probably working at a job that allows little time for vacations and requires them to be away from home often.
Working at a job overseas or on an oil rig are very common scams. Not only does it allow them to have excuses for not seeing you, it allows them to say they “live overseas,” which makes verifying who they say they are even more difficult.
Don’t completely write someone off if they have a job that requires them to be away from home often. But if you catch them avoiding any type of verification because they “work away,” keep that in mind.
14. They Ask for Personal Information
Sure, they’ve asked for your social security number because they need to verify your income for the loan they plan on taking out together. But you also gave them your bank information so they could wire you your gift card dollars. They want your ID to “make sure it’s really you.”
Once someone has your financial information, they can open up bank accounts in your name, steal your identity, and drain you of every penny you have.
Be smart and protect your personal information security.
15. Friends and Family Noticed Red Flags You Didn’t
We all get blinded by love once in a while. Whether you’re hard headed or in way over your head, sometimes you just won’t listen to the people who care about you most.
But did you know that sometimes the people who love you can see red flags before you do?
You may think they’re jealous your relationship is going so well when they try to point out the flaws your partner may have, but when everyone around you is telling you the same thing, it may be time to listen.
You love your partner, and that’s why you may ignore the bad parts. But if your partner is willing to lie and manipulate you, will they be willing to lie to you about other things in the future?
Conclusion
Romance scammers are good at their job. They know exactly how to win your trust, form an emotional connection, and make you feel special. Romance scams target our emotions and often prey on people who are lonely, hopeful, excited, and looking for that special someone.
If you notice one or two of these signs, it doesn’t mean you’re dating a scammer. But if you notice multiple signs that all point to the same conclusion, don’t ignore them.
Always use your better judgment when talking to someone online and allow things to progress naturally. Don’t ignore your gut either. If you think something is off, it probably is.
You deserve to be with someone who will appreciate you for who you are. Don’t let your emotions nor your money get taken advantage of.
FAQ
What is a romance scam?
A romance scam is a type of fraud that involves someone creating a fake relationship with another person to gain money, valuable personal information, or other benefits.
How do romance scammers find their victims?
Romance scammers find victims by using dating websites, social media, messaging apps, forums, and other online platforms where people are looking to meet friends and partners.
Do romance scammers use real photos?
Yes. Romance scammers often use pictures of real people that they find online for their fake profiles. Real photos should not be used as proof that someone is who they claim to be.
What should I do if my online date asks me for money?
Don’t send money. Stop all communication with the person and report their profile. You should avoid sending money to anyone you meet online under any circumstances.
How can I verify if someone I’m talking to online is real?
Take their calls using FaceTime or Skype, do a reverse image search on their photos, and look through their social media profiles to verify their stories. When they ask to meet in person, ask them.
Are older adults more likely to be victims of romance scams?
Yes. Scammers often target older adults because many are financially stable and may be seeking companionship.
What should I do if I think I’m talking to a scammer?
If you think you have been contacted by a scammer, stop communicating with them and block their number. You should also report the user’s profile.
Can smart people be hacked by romance scams?
Yes. Romance scams take advantage of our emotions, not our intelligence. Anyone can be affected by scammers regardless of age, profession, education, or intelligence.
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