I’ve found myself in these conversations a time or two too many. Friends telling me things about their relationships that make them feel like love is “just not clicking” for them right now.
And 9 times out of 10, these people don’t actually lack love or interest for their partners. They simply lack perspective.
When you’re entrenched in a situation you care about, it can be hard to see the logical path through emotions. Small issues can simmer and build over time if no one is there to point them out to you.
I’ve listened to friends vent about how everything can look so picture perfect on the surface but behind closed doors, their partner is constantly making them angry, happy, sad, confused, etc.
They aren’t communicating. They feel nothing but resentment. Something happened that they don’t know how to move past.
Friend, these are all normal things to encounter in a relationship. But what my friends needed from me in those moments wasn’t judgment. They needed simple, foundational advice that allowed them to look at their situations from a different angle.
That is what I’m going to break down for you below.
The kinds of insight that allow you to become that friend who always gives relationship advice to friends that actually helps instead of hurts.
You’re not trying to police someone’s relationship.
You’re here to guide them when they know they need guidance. You want to offer helpful knowledge that empowers them to make positive changes if they choose to do so.
The best advice doesn’t scream from the rooftops. It’s kind. It’s real. And it’s calm enough for your friend to actually hear what you have to say.
10 Real Relationship Advice to Give to Friends
1. Remind Them That Communication Does Not Simply Mean Talking
A lot of couples make the mistake of thinking that because they talk every day, they are communicating effectively.
News flash: you can talk to your partner every day and still constantly misunderstand each other.
That is because communication is more than words. It’s the ability to speak clearly and with intent. To be honest and emotionally aware.
The next time you feel like you need to give your friend some advice about their relationship, tell them that communication skills aren’t measured by how often they and their partner speak, but how.
Are they truly listening? Responding with compassion? Are they neglecting to validate their partner’s feelings?
Encouraging your friend to reevaluate how they speak to their partner can completely change how they approach arguments and tough conversations. Sometimes love just needs people to slow down and listen.
Read also: 100 Random Questions to Ask Friends
2. Tell Them That Just Because Things Get “Better” Doesn’t Mean Ignoring Red Flags Is Okay
We’ve all stayed in a job we knew we hated for way too long because we told ourselves it would get better.
Relationships are similar. But that doesn’t mean you should ever encourage your friend to ignore big red flags early on.
I’m not saying they need to run at the first sign of trouble. But if your friend comes to you about constant disrespect, mismatched priorities, or unhealthy behaviors, remind them that patterns like these are not going to get better over time.
Time won’t fix problems that are consistently happening.
Healthy relationship boundaries are about respecting your partner and being respected in return. If your friend feels disrespected, unheard, or plain old drained after spending time with their partner, that is not okay and they deserve to hear you say that.
3. Remind Them That They Cannot Fix Everything By Themselves
If there is one thing that will drive me up a wall, it’s watching someone I care about pour their entire heart and soul into a relationship without reciprocation.
You cannot be the only person making a relationship work.
Remind your friend that if they’re doing all of this work on their own, it is unacceptable.
Tell them they don’t deserve to have to fix their partner every time they’re upset or experiencing troubles of their own. That no relationship should rely on a single person to keep it running.
They are deserving of a partner that balances them out, not one that requires all of their effort just to function.
When you’re trying to figure out what advice to give a friend about their relationship, encourage them to take a step back and look at the big picture.
Are they putting in just as much effort as their partner? Are they both holding up their sides of the relationship equally, or is it just them carrying the weight?
Healthy love is about teamwork. You don’t have to match your partner exactly, but you should never feel like you’re shouldering all the responsibility by yourself.
Read also: 105 Weird Questions to Ask Your Friends
4. Remind Them That Love Is Just the Beginning
Here’s the thing about love. Love won’t solve all of your problems and it definitely isn’t guaranteed to keep things perfectly smooth between you and your partner.
But that’s because love is not the only ingredient for a successful relationship.
As their friend, you can help them see that just because they love someone doesn’t mean they’re destined to be with that person forever. Help them understand that healthy compatibility is just as important as strong feelings.
Two people can love each other and constantly struggle because they have incompatible values, goals, or personalities.
If your friend comes to you telling you their relationship is suffering but they can’t figure out why, remind them that sometimes love needs more than love to survive.
Help them open their eyes to the possibility that their feelings might be great, but their partner’s behavior might not be.
When two people are truly compatible, being in love doesn’t feel like a constant battle, it feels natural.
5. Remind Them That Not Every Little Thing Is a Problem
If there is one thing our phones have taught us about relationships, it’s how to accidentally overthink the smallest things.
“I didn’t get a reply back right away, they must be losing interest…”
“They didn’t say ‘I love you’ back. Are they even into me?”
“It took them an hour to text me back. What does that mean?”
“Why did they use a period at the end of that text?”
Newsflash: it doesn’t always mean something.
As their friend, I know you want what’s best for them. But constantly analyzing every word, action, and look that their partner does will only bring them more anxiety than necessary.
Remind them that people are allowed to have bad days, be distracted, and have mood swings just like your friend does.
Encourage them to look for continuous patterns before they assume there is a problem. One off behaviors do not define someone’s intentions. It’s okay to ask questions, but also okay if some things don’t always have an answer.
6. Encourage Them to Stay Who They Are
One of the biggest problems I see in people I care about is them starting to lose themselves for their partners.
Suddenly their hobbies become things their partner likes to do, their schedules change to fit their partner’s, and they stop bringing up things that are important to them because “their partner wouldn’t care.”
Remind your friend that no matter how far they let themselves sink into a relationship, they should never lose who they are in the process.
A happy relationship will enhance your life, not ask you to change who you are for them to fit into it.
They should still be spending time with friends, working on personal goals, investing time into their hobbies, and fundamentally being themselves.
If you love someone enough, they will accept your passions and weird quirks. You don’t need to check your personality at the door when you start a relationship. Let your friend know that their relationship will be healthier for it if they remember that.
7. Remind Them That Silence Is Just as Dangerous as Arguing
It used to shock me how many people viewed arguments as the biggest red flag in a relationship.
But after some thought, I realized that silence can be even worse.
Think about that for a second.
When people stop talking to each other about their feelings, stop addressing problems, and stop trying to understand each other, that is when love really starts to lose its strength.
The next time your friend comes to you about constant arguments, remind them that taking a moment to cool off can be healthy.
As long as you and your partner come back to each other.
Relationships should not survive on tension. Avoiding arguments does not mean you cannot or should not talk about the things that are bothering you. Healthy relationships require tough conversations to ensure both partners are on the same page.
Tell your friend that you can argue and still love each other. You can recognize when you both need time to cool off without giving up on the relationship entirely.
Remind them that staying silent about things that are bothering you will only push your partner farther away. And that will cause way more problems than working through a difficult argument ever will.
8. Encourage Them to Set Boundaries
This tip almost goes hand in hand with number six. But setting boundaries with your partner is the best way to prevent yourself from losing pieces of who you are to please them.
You are not parenting your partner.
You are not their teacher or personal assistant either. Setting boundaries in a relationship is not about training someone to meet your standards.
Setting boundaries is about protecting your mental and emotional well being.
Encourage your friend to sit down and think about what they will and will not tolerate from their partner. If they disrespect your time, ignore your feelings, disregard your boundaries, whatever it may be.
As long as your friend knows what they will and will not allow, they’ll have a better idea of what they need to communicate to their partner.
Understanding your boundaries in a relationship can help people decipher when they constantly find themselves giving more than they’re getting.
9. Remind Them That Actions Mean More Than Words Any Day of the Week
Anyone can say they will do something. But actions speak louder than words every time.
Encourage your friend to look at their partner’s behavior for clues on how they feel.
If your friend constantly makes excuses for their partner’s words but their actions tell a different story, wake them up.
Nothing is more frustrating than watching someone throw their time and energy into a relationship that is obviously one sided.
There is nothing worse than hearing your partner say they will do better, love you more, and change for you, only to have them do the complete opposite.
Help your friend see that if someone loves them, they will show them. Their actions will match their words.
10. Remind Them That It’s Okay to Walk Away
This is probably the hardest type of relationship advice to give a friend, but staying in a relationship that is causing you pain is never a good idea.
If your friend comes to you and they’re constantly unhappy, feeling drained after spending time with their partner, or they’ve tried their best to fix problems but nothing seems to be working, remind them that walking away can be the best thing for their mental health.
Staying in a bad relationship out of fear, hope, or comfort will never fix anything. If they know in their heart that this relationship is no longer serving them, sometimes the best thing you can do is support their decision to leave.
I know walking away from someone you love is never easy. But sometimes people come into your life for a reason and others come into your life for a season.
You never know, letting that person go might open your friend up to someone who better suits their needs and respects them for who they are.
Conclusion
As you can see, giving your friends valuable relationship advice is simple once you know what you’re talking about.
These are the kinds of insights that allow you to sit your friend down and have those honest conversations that they know they need to have but are too scared to start alone.
These are relationship rules that everyone can benefit from learning whether they’re currently in a relationship or not.
The best advice comes from a place of love and support. Your job is not to control your friend’s decisions but to provide them with knowledge that can help them respect themselves more.
YOU ARE THE SMARTEST VERSION OF YOUR FRIEND’S LOVE LIFE.
If they trust you enough to come to you, help them help themselves.
FAQ
What advice do you give friends about relationships?
Relationship advice that comes from a place of support and kindness. Reminding them that communication, boundaries, consistency, and respect matter more than pretty words.
How do I talk to my friend about their unhealthy relationship?
Be straightforward about your concerns but allow them to explain their side. Avoid outright saying that their relationship is unhealthy but encourage them to see why it may feel that way.
Should I give my friend advice about their relationship?
Only if they want you to. But if you know your friend well enough that you’re concerned for them, speak up.
How can you tell if your friend needs help?
They will tell you. Friends who know they need help will usually reach out to someone they trust before things escalate.
Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships?
Fear, hope, and comfort. We stay with our significant others because we are afraid to try being alone, hope they’ll one day change, or simply become too comfortable to go elsewhere.
Is it normal to feel nothing in a relationship?
Yes and no. When you first start dating someone, it’s normal to feel indifferent about them. But as you spend more time together those feelings will develop.
Can friends change your relationship perspective?
Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. You learn something from every relationship whether it was positive or negative.
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