So many women choose to ignore initial red flags because they don’t want to come off as close minded, impatient, or worse… uninterested. Some people give excuses because they’re into him. Others do it because they’re lonely and will settle for anything that comes their way.
Point is, first dates can tell you A LOT about someone. Sure, he’ll probably try to put his best foot forward, but you’ll likely learn about certain bad habits, character traits, and patterns almost instantly.
Believe it or not, the wrong guy usually sabotages himself in the first five minutes. All you have to do is pay attention and stop making excuses for him. While a first date should be about getting to know someone and exploring mutual chemistry and attraction, it’s also about observing their character, emotional maturity, respect levels, communication skills, and overall behavior during normal conversation.
If he does these seven things on the first date, you should take notice because they often lead to bigger issues down the road.
If He Does These 7 Things on a First Date, Run
1. He Talks About Himself the Entire Date
Confidence is good. Self absorption is not. On a first date, both parties should be asking questions and showing interest in getting to know the other person. But if he interrupts every story you tell to talk about himself, doesn’t ask you anything meaningful, and basically turns the date into a personal monologue, beware.
Notice if he actually listens or if he just waits patiently for his turn to speak. Some guys are so nervous about making a good impression that they unknowingly dump on themselves by revealing that they are emotionally unavailable. If the things you have to say don’t excite him or seem like they even matter, imagine what his level of interest will be like throughout the entire relationship.
Asking questions, remembering details, and building on your answers is how a guy shows you he wants to get to know YOU.
Read also: 100 Random Questions to Ask Friends
2. He Is Rude to Others
Want to know the truest form of who someone is? Pay attention to how they treat others, especially people who they have no reason to impress.
If he blatantly disregards waiting staff, cashiers, drivers, delivery workers, or customer service reps by yelling, arguing, speaking harshly, or expecting immediate gratitude for paying, TAKE NOTICE.
Some women foolishly excuse this behavior because they figure that “he wouldn’t dare talk to me that way” or that how he treats others has nothing to do with how he treats her. NEWS FLASH: it absolutely does. The same level of intolerance, disrespect, and overall nastiness is bound to come toward her eventually.
How a man treats people when he thinks no one is watching says a lot about his character. If he can be rude to people while expecting you to admire him, why would he treat you any better? You deserve mutual respect and someone with a healthy level of emotional maturity.
Read also: 10 Ways to Respond to Rude People
3. He Tests Your Boundaries
Pushing too many drinks on you, forcing unwanted physical contact, ignoring your feelings, or making you feel guilty for setting limits are ALL boundary violations on the first date. Recognize them and run.
Men that respect women understand boundaries. They don’t try to rush you or go at your own pace emotionally or physically. Guys that violate your boundaries on the first date are basically testing the waters to see how much they can get away with.
Don’t blow off someone intentionally making YOU uncomfortable because you don’t want to overreact or seem high maintenance. Your feelings are VALID, and someone that truly respects you will never make you feel guilty for protecting yourself. Personal boundaries, dating safety, and self respect are way more important than avoiding a little awkwardness.
Read also: 15 Ways to Set Boundaries at Work
4. He Talks About His Ex All Night
It’s totally okay to briefly talk about past relationships in an appropriate and mature manner. However, if he spends the majority of the date giving you the play by play of his previous relationship and analyzing every detail like you’re his therapist, time to GTFO.
This could be a sign that he’s emotionally unavailable or bitter about something. It could also mean that he hasn’t moved on for whatever reason. Worst of all, some men use their past relationships as an opportunity to blame their ex for every mistake they made.
How he speaks about women he’s dated in the past can tell you a lot about his relationship patterns, emotional healing, and overall level of self awareness. Pay attention to his tone. If he focuses on every ex as if they were the biggest mistake of his life or constantly talks about how “messed up” they were, RUN FOR THE HILLS.
Healthy men can discuss past relationships without glorifying the bad ones or sounding like toxic abandonment issues dictate his every thought.
5. He Makes You Feel Inadequate
There are guys out there who will insult you indirectly on the first date, toying with you as a manipulation tactic. It’s known as gatekeeping, and they do it through jokes, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or plain ole putting you down if you let them.
Whether he’s trying to catch you off guard with “humility” by insulting your weight, job, interests, personality, or appearance, recognize the pattern and leave him ASAP.
Emotionally intelligent men do not insult you on the first date because they have nothing to prove and high enough standards for themselves that they don’t need to put you down to feel better about their lives.
A first date should make you feel respected, comfortable, and emotionally safe. If you have to constantly defend why you like the way you look, what you do for work, or how you choose to spend your free time, that is emotional manipulation.
6. He Lies About Minor Things
Minor lies are still lies. Big deal if he lies about something insignificant on the first date, RIGHT?
WRONG.
Lying about where you knew each other from, exaggerating stories to sound more impressive, pretending to be someone you’re not, or providing inconsistent details are RED FLAGS. Why?
If he can lie to you on a first date, when he’s supposed to be making a good impression, what’s he going to lie about later on when he doesn’t feel like you’ll ever find out? Building trust with someone is vital. Without it, every part of the relationship becomes shaky.
Stay away from men that tell small lies on a first date. Chances are he will lie about much bigger things in the future to avoid getting into trouble.
7. You Feel Drained After Hanging Out with Him
One of the BIGGEST RED FLAGS is not always something he says or does. Sometimes, it’s just how you feel when you are around him.
If you feel emotionally drained, anxious, tense, confused, pressured, or weird after spending time with him, even if it’s on the first date, LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
Our gut reactions tend to pick up things that our conscious mind can’t recognize yet. A lot of women ignore these early signs because they think they need something more concrete to go off of before trusting their instincts.
When you know, you know.
If you feel attracted to him, that’s great. If you have a good time, that’s wonderful too. But you should STILL feel at ease, peaceful, and happy when you’re hanging out with him too. Connection should never leave you feeling frazzled and exhausted.
Conclusion
Do not ignore these early signs.
Granted, people deserve second chances if they genuinely loved themselves enough to realize their behavior was unacceptable. But that takes a LOT of self awareness to catch yourself early on.
First dates aren’t just about finding out if you’re physically attracted to someone. They’re about seeing who they really are when nerves, flirtation, and lust aren’t the only things driving conversation. Too many people allow others to continue past the first date who give obvious red flags because they want to believe better of the person they like.
If he constantly interrupts you, ignores your feelings, talks down about other people, manipulates you emotionally, or leaves you feeling anything less than wonderful when you’re with him, STOP MAKING excuses for him.
The right person will not disrespect you, talk over you, manipulate you emotionally, or make you feel LESS than amazing from day one.
You DESERVE to be with someone who builds up your confidence, respects your boundaries, values honesty, and cherishes your mental and emotional wellbeing.
If your date does ANYTHING that makes you feel unsafe or abused in any way, shape, or form, GUARD YOURSELF by walking away.
Trust me when I say that walking away sooner is not always overreacting. It’s wisdom.
FAQ
What are red flags on the first date?
Some red flags on a first date include rude behavior, boundary pushing, blatant lies, arrogance, low self esteem, emotional manipulation, constant talking about ex partners, and quickly making you feel emotionally uncomfortable or unsafe.
Should you give someone another chance if they display minor red flags on the first date?
No! Little things mean a lot. How a guy treats you on the first date will most likely be how he treats you down the road when you become more comfortable around him.
How do I know if my intuition is speaking to me?
If you consistently feel drained, anxious, uneasy, pressured, or emotionally uncomfortable around someone, your intuition is likely trying to tell you that something about the connection feels off.
Is it bad if he talks about his ex on the first date?
Talking about your exes isn’t always bad, but if he talks about them too much, brings them up constantly, or only focuses on the negative, then you may want to take that as a warning sign.
What should a first date feel like with the right person?
A date with the right person should make you feel respected, comfortable, emotionally safe, excited, and happy. You should still feel anxious about meeting someone new, but you shouldn’t feel drained when you hang out with them.
Why do people dismiss red flags?
People dismiss red flags because they are sometimes blinded by attraction. Others ignore them out of loneliness, emotional attachment, hopefulness, and fear of judging someone too quickly.
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