You don’t always think about someone because you love them. Sometimes you think about them because your emotions are still attached. Other times you ruminate over situations you never got closure on. Other times your mind is just stuck on repeat and you want to get off.
The problem is that most people believe if you think about someone that means they should still be in your life. Nope.
Sometimes your mind replays people long after they should have played out in your mind.
The good news is there are ways to train your brain out of these obsessive thought patterns.
Below are 7 steps that will show you how to stop thinking about someone for good.
1. Accept That You’re Not Trying to “Forget” Them, You’re Detaching
Do not attempt to force your mind to not think about them. You’ll end up thinking about them more.
The reason? Suppression equals increased attention.
You have to change your relationship with your thoughts.
You’re not trying to forget them. You never want to see them again. You are trying to detach your emotions from the relationship they once held in your life.
Sure they will pop back into your mind from time to time (possibly even a lot) but the emotional tug they have on you will lessen with time.
Realizing this will take a ton of pressure off you. You no longer have to force your mind to go one way. You just have to guide it.
Read also: 12 Honest Signs Your Ex Has Moved On After the Breakup
2. Stop Filling Your Mind With Them
Simple concept. You can’t stop thinking about someone if you are mentally flooding yourself with them.
The easiest way people keep this cycle going is:
- Stalking them on social media
- Reading old conversations
- Constantly reminiscing on memories
- Talking about them over and over
- Listening to every song that reminds you of them
You are allowing your mind re entry every time you do these things.
Your attention reinforces what your mind pays attention to.
If you want to stop thinking about them, stop letting them back in.
Healing doesn’t mean they didn’t matter or you never met them. It just means you refuse to allow them repetitive access to your emotions.
Read also: How to Disconnect from Someone You Love (10 Tips)
3. Remove Triggering Items From Your Surroundings
Your environment has more control over your thoughts than you think.
If you are constantly surrounded by their things, images, messages, locations, songs, etc., your brain will naturally want to keep thinking about them.
That doesn’t mean you have to throw everything away that reminds you of them. But you should take steps to remove daily triggers.
Some examples:
- Archive or mute conversations
- Stop creeping on their profile
- Avoid places you constantly run into them
- Remove photos, gifts, clothes, etc that spike your emotions when you see
This isn’t running away from your emotions. This is curating your life so your emotions have a chance to calm down.
Think about it: If you cut your finger and keep hitting your hand against a nail, how will it heal?
Read also: 10 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You More Than You Think
4. Fill Your Mind With Something Else
You will never clear your mind by leaving it empty.
One of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to fill your mind with productive activity. Spend more time working, learning, exercising, engaging in hobbies, building social connections, and growing as a person.
When you’re idle, that’s when your mind wanders the most.
If your mind doesn’t have anything constructive to focus on, it will turn to what it knows: them.
This isn’t you distracting yourself from your emotions. You are redirecting your attention.
Understanding attention and the psychology behind how habits work will allow you to take control of where your energy is spent instead of having it wander.
5. Stop Romanticizing Old Memories
Forget trying to forget them. Sometimes the reason you can’t stop thinking about someone is not who they are now… it’s who you remember them as.
Our minds have a funny way of editing our memories. Our brain tends to want to remember the good times and forget the bad.
The more you replay these moments over time, the more your mind builds them up emotionally and you forget about all the reasons you don’t actually miss them.
You literally miss someone that didn’t even really exist.
You have to break this cycle by reminding yourself that:
- They were good at times, but not always
- You had good moments but also grew incredibly frustrated
- You felt a strong connection but there were major incompatibilities
It’s not about trying to bring yourself down. It’s about gaining perspective.
Stop glamorizing the past and your emotions will attach themselves less naturally.
6. Feel Your Emotions Without Falling Into Them
I know what your mind wants to do. You want to suppress your emotions and pretend they go away.
They don’t.
The emotions you don’t process will keep pulling you back into that person’s mind.
If you feel an emotion coming on whether it be sadness, longing, anger, or confusion, let yourself feel it, but don’t act on it. Don’t dive into that mindset. Simply allow yourself to feel it, then let it go.
Emotions are like waves. They rise, they peak, and they eventually pass.
The only thing you can do to keep them lingering is to ride that wave for as long as possible.
Allow yourself to feel without giving in.
7. Build a Life That Doesn’t Revolve Around Them
This is the final step to stop thinking about someone:
You will stop thinking about someone when your life no longer orbits around them.
What do I mean by that?
Their absence won’t hurt nearly as much when you stop living your life by routines, goals, experiences, and an identity that revolved around them.
You replace that void with new things:
- New goals you’re working towards
- New habits you’re developing
- New environments you’re exploring
- New feelings you’re tapping into
- New you that continues to grow
When your mind is focused on building yourself up, it no longer has room to think about what was.
You will forget about them because your life no longer is emotionally attached to them.
Conclusion
Stopping yourself from thinking about someone will never happen by force.
You will not tell your mind to stop thinking about them and magically it stops.
What you will do is change the environment your mind lives in. You will stop mentally allowing them back in your life. You will redirect your attention. And you will build a life around you that no longer revolves around them.
Your mind won’t stop thinking about them… your feelings toward them will.
FAQ
Why can’t I stop thinking about someone?
Because your emotions are still tethered to them, you never got closure from them, or you live in a place or lifestyle that constantly grants them access to your mind.
How long should it take me to stop thinking about someone?
Every situation is different. But the intensity and frequency of you thinking about them should decrease over time.
Is it normal to think about someone every day?
Yes. But like I said earlier, it shouldn’t be this way forever.
Does blocking someone help you stop thinking about them?
It can help with cutting triggers, but you will still have to internally detach your emotions.
Why do I only think about the good times we had?
Our minds have a natural tendency to suppress the bad and hold on to the good. It’s called biased processing.
If I stay busy will I forget about them?
It will redirect your attention for a little while but you have to deal with your emotions head on.
How do I quickly stop thinking about someone?
There is no quick fix. But a combination of the above steps will get you your quickest results.
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