Friendships are some of the most special connections we form in our lives. A true friend cheers you on when you succeed, walks with you through the hard seasons, and knows your story better than most. So when a friendship ends, it can feel just as heartbreaking as the dissolution of a romantic relationship.
The problem is most people don’t know how to fix a broken friendship. As a result, they avoid each other and choose to remain distant.
Truthfully, some friendships are beyond repair. If there was chronic disrespect, manipulation, or betrayal, walking away may be the best decision you can make. However, many friendships end due to misunderstandings, poor communication, pride, or life simply drifting apart.
If you and your friend still care about each other, chances are you can repair the relationship. It won’t happen overnight, but these six steps will help you learn how to become close with your friend again.
6 Steps to Fix a Broken Friendship and Become Close Again
1. Be Honest About What Broke the Friendship
If you don’t know what caused the issue, you’ll never know how to repair the friendship. Was there a huge argument that you never resolved? Did you allow distance to grow between you by canceling plans or failing to show up when your friend needed you? Big or small, know what led to the breakup. That way, you can go into the conversation prepared with humility and a sincere desire to make amends.
Once you understand what happened, take time to reflect on your part in the fallout. It’s okay to admit you were wrong or insensitive to your friend’s feelings. By realizing your faults, you can avoid repeating the same mistakes going forward.
Approach your friend with a clear understanding of your faults and an honest desire to understand theirs. This will set the tone for the entire conversation and drastically increase your chances of reconciliation.
Read also: 8 Signs You Are in a Romantic Friendship
2. Reach Out With Sincere Intentions
In order for things to get better, one of you needs to reach out first. How long you wait depends on your unique situation. If you just had a small argument, reaching out within a few days or weeks can prevent resentment from building. However, if it’s been years since you last talked, that doesn’t mean you should never reach out.
Tell them you’ve been thinking about them and would like to meet up to catch up. You don’t need to craft the perfect message. Part of rebuilding a friendship is trusting that the other person will forgive you just like you forgive them.
Communicate that you miss their friendship and want to reconnect. Apologize for your part in the fallout and let them know you’re open to listening if they want to share how they felt.
Lastly, don’t take it personally if they don’t want to talk right away. They may need time, and that’s okay. Give them space, and try reaching out again in a few weeks.
Read also: How to Build a Strong and Loving Friendship with Yourself (6 ways)
3. Listen to Understand, Not to Defend Yourself
Far too many people are waiting for the other person to finish speaking just so they can defend themselves. When your friend tells you how they felt, truly listen. Don’t interrupt or change the subject to your side of the story.
Empathize with your friend by trying to understand how the incident made them feel. I know you want them to know you weren’t ___ (fill in the blank with your perspective). But if you spend the entire time thinking about how you’re going to respond, you’ll never hear them out.
Repeat back what you’re hearing to validate their feelings. Say things like, “That makes sense why you’d feel that way,” or “I’m sorry you were hurt by my actions.”
When you listen with the intent to understand, you’re showing your friend that their feelings and perspective matter to you. This will go a long way toward showing your friend that you care about repairing the relationship.
Read also: 8 Steps to Let Go of a Toxic Friendship That Is Draining You
4. Rebuild Trust Through Consistent Actions
An apology is only the beginning of the restoration process. Trust is broken gradually during a friendship, so it will take time to repair. If your friend felt like you were too busy for them, start making time. If they didn’t feel like they could rely on you, prove to them that you’re trustworthy.
It’s normal to feel frustrated if your friend doesn’t instantly trust you like they used to. Remember that trust is restored through your actions over time. Just continue doing small things that show you care, and the trust will return.
I recommend reading this article on building emotional intelligence if you struggle understanding how your words and actions affect others.
5. Create New Memories Instead of Living in the Past
Just because you two talked things over doesn’t mean you should dissect every conversation you have from then on. Make an effort to spend time together and create new experiences. Go out for coffee, take a walk, or watch a movie. Simply spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.
You broke up in the past, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue damaging the friendship moving forward. Learn from past mistakes and don’t repeat them. Over time, these positive experiences will replace the bad ones that drove a wedge between you two.
Think about how you can make the friendship even healthier this time around. Were you more patient with each other? Did you learn to communicate better? By improving these areas, your friendship can become stronger than it was before the breakup.
6. Accept That Some Friendships Need Time to Heal
Lastly, understand that healthy relationships take time to repair. Don’t expect your friendship to immediately bounce back to what it once was. If you’ve apologized and made efforts to reconnect, that’s all you can do in the moment.
Continue being kind and reach out from time to time. If they see you’re consistent in your efforts, they’ll know you truly care about repairing the friendship.
If things don’t work out, learn from the situation and accept that not all friendships are meant to last forever. As long as you approached the conversation with honesty and respect, you did everything you could to repair things.
Conclusion
Friendships can leave us confused, regretful, and even heartbroken when they end. Whether they lasted for a few months or several years, ending on bad terms is painful. The good news is that friendships are surprisingly resilient. Honest conversations and consistent efforts can help you learn how to become close with your friend again.
By repairing the broken pieces and focusing on the present, you can help your friendship return to what it once was (or better!). Remember that every relationship goes through difficult seasons, but they don’t have to define your entire friendship.
If there’s a broken friendship you want to repair, stop overthinking and take the first step. You never know how long your friend has been wishing you would reach out.
FAQ
Can every friendship become close again?
No. If your friendship ended due to repeated abuse, disrespect, or manipulation, walking away may be your best option. However, if the reason for the fallout is something that can be resolved with better communication, there’s a good chance you can become close again.
Should I always be the first to reach out and make amends?
If there’s a friend you want to become close with again, go ahead and make the first move. Just because you text them first doesn’t make you weak or mean you’re begging for their forgiveness. It shows that you care about the relationship more than your ego.
What should I do if my friend doesn’t want to forgive me?
Give them time. If you reached out with sincerity and respect, don’t spam them with messages. Again, allow them time to process their emotions and try reaching out again in a few weeks.
How long will it take to become close with my friend again?
Every situation is different. Some friendships are repaired quickly through a single heartfelt conversation, while others need time to heal. As long as you’ve both apologized and agreed to forgive each other, closeness will come with time.
Isn’t saying, “I understand why you feel that way,” just allowing them to blame me for everything?
It’s not. What you said may have legitimately hurt your friend’s feelings whether you meant to or not. A genuine apology and showing that you understand how your actions affected them goes a long way toward rebuilding trust.
Do I still have to apologize if we were both at fault?
Of course. You can apologize for YOUR actions during the disagreement without accepting blame for everything they say. Sometimes a friendship falls apart because both people realize they need to grow. By apologizing, you open the door for your friend to apologize too.
Will our friendship be damaged forever since things changed?
Not necessarily. Healthy relationships change over time. Instead of focusing on what your friendship was in the past, put effort into creating a healthier foundation moving forward.
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