There was one conversation I’ll never forget.
It began like any other, with a few people talking and laughing.
But suddenly, within minutes, it changed.
One individual commanded the entire room. Literally.
Every question led back to them. Every anecdote became their anecdote. Every opportunity for connection was replaced with an opportunity to talk about themselves.
At first, people indulged. But then they stopped participating. You could actually see it happening in real time.
But what shocked me wasn’t what that person was doing. It was how everyone around them adapted:
- They stopped talking.
- They started listening.
- They gave them more airtime than they’d ever receive in return.
That’s what self obsessed people do to real conversations.
As someone who has spent years studying psychological dynamics in relationships and real-life behavioral patterns,
Self obsession doesn’t just ruin meetings and dinners, it drains you emotionally and mentally.
It makes you question your own value. It leaves you feeling unseen. And before you know it, you start speaking less and less.
You make excuses for their behavior. You explain why you don’t talk more. You allow them to monopolize your energy with very little in return.
But you don’t have to.
If there’s someone in your life who constantly hijacks conversations, makes everything about themselves, and drains your energy (yes, that could even be your partner), you don’t have to compete with them for attention.
Nor do you have to simply accept their behavior.
You just have to know how to handle them.
How to Deal With Self-Obsessed People (10 Tips)
1. Understand That It’s a Pattern, Not a Phase
One of the first things you must realize is that their behavior isn’t “just how they are right now.”
Many people make this mistake by excusing the behavior, assuming they’re going through something tough, or they’re simply distracted.
However, constant self focus isn’t situational. It’s a learned behavior.
Self obsessed people tend to repeat this pattern regardless of where they are, who they’re talking to, or the environment they’re in.
If you try to have a conversation about something other than themselves, they’ll either steer it back to them or quietly go along until they can jump in with their own story.
Knowing this is half the battle.
You have to understand that their behavior isn’t personal, and it’s not going to change until they decide to make an effort.
Until then, you can adjust how you deal with them.
Read also: 10 Ways to Deal With Being Ghosted Without Letting It Break You
2. Stop Trying to Be Seen by Someone Who Isn’t Looking
This is where people go wrong.
You try to speak. They steamroll over you.
You try to share your thoughts. They cut you off.
You try to open up emotionally, and they…
Well, they do whatever self absorbed people do when someone opens up to them emotionally. POINT THEY IGNORE YOU
The kicker is, the more you try and make yourself heard, the more annoyed they’ll become that you’re focusing on YOU.
So you talk louder. You explain more. You eventually give up because you’re not being heard.
cues impassioned speech about self worth
Read also: 7 Ways to Overcome Feelings of Low Self-Worth
3. Set Clear and Firm Boundaries During Conversations
Because let me tell you something about self obsessed people:
They interrupt. They redirect. And they do both with zero regard for your experience or feelings.
If you let them, the cycle of them speaking over you will continue.
Now, I don’t mean go Bob Ross on them. Set simple boundaries like:
- “Let me finish my thought.”
- “Actually, I’d like to finish what I was saying.”
It may feel weird speaking up if you’re not used to it, but guess what?
Setting boundaries is part of building healthy communication habits, and it lets them know you’re not their YES PERSON™.
You’ll notice one of two things happen:
- They’ll let you speak, OR
- They’ll continue to not let you speak, and you’ll realize how badly they don’t care about your experience.
4. Stop Over Giving Value to Their Words
Everyone likes feeling validated. It’s part of what makes us human.
However, self obsessed people love validating themselves even more.
The reason? Validation from others makes them feel extra validated.
So when you hang on to every word they say, agree with their opinions, and mirror their energy, you unintentionally feed into the very problem.
Instead of pumping them up with compliments and agreement, try neutral responses.
Nothing hurts their ego like not receiving the validation they’re used to receiving.
Read also: How to Stop Being Condescending: 10 Tips to Improve Your Behavior
5. Accept That You Won’t Receive Much Depth From Them, Emotionally
Want to know a secret?
You’re going to want authentic, meaningful conversations with them. You’re going to open up and they’ll steal your thunder.
But here’s the thing…
Most self obsessed people aren’t capable of giving you that.
They either won’t know how to respond, or they won’t care enough to try.
When that happens, you open up about something personal and meaningful, POOF—all of a sudden, it’s about them again.
This will happen time and time again because that’s their default way of processing information: through themselves.
Once you come to terms with the fact that you’ll never receive much emotional depth from them, you’ll stop expecting them to deliver something they simply can’t.
6. Guard Your Energy Better Than You Normally Would
This happens to me all the time with people who love to talk about themselves.
I give them my energy by listening, engaging with their stories, and asking questions.
Then what happens?
They turn right back around and do the same thing to me.
What I thought was going to be a 20 minute conversation turns into an hour because I allowed them to run over my time.
Your energy is like a battery. It doesn’t last forever, and when you feel “zapped” after an interaction, that’s why.
Start holding your energy closer than you normally would and pay attention to how much better you’ll feel.
7. Practice Redirecting the Conversation Back to Them
There will be times where you absolutely cannot let them drive the conversation.
You could try the tips I mentioned above, but sometimes, you need to be a little more direct.
If they interrupt, casually interject with “Hey, I was talking.” If they derail the conversation, steer it right back.
You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to let them walk all over you either.
Hey, YOU can dominate a conversation if you want to.
8. Work on Establishing Your Identity Outside of Them
The more time you spend with someone who loves to monopolize conversations, the less you’ll feel like yourself around them.
You won’t talk as much. You won’t open up as often. You won’t feel heard or seen.
Doing things that remind you who you are when you’re not around them is critical to your identity.
Take up a hobby you love. Hang out with friends who make you feel good about yourself. Invest time in YOU.
The more you cultivate your own sense of self worth when you’re not around them, the more grounded you’ll feel in your relationship with them.
9. Decide How Much of “You” They Actually Get
Listen, some relationships are going to be closer than others.
If there’s a coworker, acquaintance, or friend you barely talk to that falls into this category, it’s okay to keep conversations superficial.
You don’t have to dive into deep topics. You don’t have to engage with everything they say. And you don’t have to see them all the time.
Some people will only ever know a small piece of who you are, and that’s perfectly okay.
You decide how much of you people get.
10. Know When Enough Is Enough (and Walk Away)
You know that meme where someone says something along the lines of “Excuse me while I mentally destroy anyone who gets in my way?”
Imagine that, but with you walking away from someone who refuses to respect your time, energy, or emotions.
If things get bad enough, you can only take so much before you have to pack your bags and leave.
This person isn’t changing, and no miracle will happen to make them suddenly empathetic toward your experience.
You deserve better than to be emotionally and mentally drained by someone who gives you nothing in return.
Bottom line: know your limits and honor them.
Conclusion
I know what you’re thinking:
“But Chris, won’t they feel bad when I start doing X, Y, and Z?”
No. They won’t.
Truth is, you’re not doing this for them. You’re doing this for YOU.
Stop shrinking yourself to make room for someone else.
Stop explaining why you don’t talk more in conversations.
Stop allowing people to run all over you while you patiently sit back and allow it to happen.
What you’re really doing is setting boundaries so you can show up as your BEST SELF for the people who actually matter.
Life is too short to waste time and energy on people who don’t see you for who you are.
FAQ
Why are people so obsessed with themselves?
Typically due to a sense of insecurity. They may also have a bad habit of seeking validation from others.
Will a narcissist ever change their ways?
Sure! As long as they care enough to fix their behavior.
How do I stop draining energy around them?
Take fewer meetings with them. Set better boundaries. Don’t emotionally invest in them.
Should I just confront them about it?
Maybe. But only if you feel comfortable doing so. Some people will take the advice and change; others won’t.
Is it selfish to distance myself from them?
Absolutely not. You have a right to take care of your mental and emotional needs. If someone drains you, distance them.
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