Over the years, I’ve read countless stories, sat with clients after devastating breakups, and listened to friends replay failed relationships in their minds like broken records.
I remember one thing from all those stories.
It’s usually the people we love and trust the most who end up hurting us deeply.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen smart, successful people mentally deteriorate after being let down by those they loved. They suddenly question everything about themselves because someone convinced them they weren’t good enough.
What hurt me the most wasn’t how many times this happened. It was how many people I saw suffer through this and stayed stuck even after the relationship was over.
The hoping. The wishing. The trying to forget when you never really do.
Then there’s life moving on without you.
If you’re in that place right now, please know there is a way out.
Letting go of someone you love won’t happen overnight, but if you shift your mindset and take the necessary steps to move forward, you can heal from heartbreak.
6 Healing Steps to Let Go of Someone Who Hurt You Emotionally
1. Accept That What Happened Cannot Be Changed
If there’s one thing that keeps people mentally and emotionally chained to an ex, it’s the desire to change the past.
You think about every argument and analyze what you could’ve said differently. You dwell on that one night and imagine how it could’ve gone if you said the right thing.
But the truth is… nothing you think about now will change what already happened.
They cheated. They said those words that cut you to your core. They decided to end things.
I hate that things didn’t work out between you two.
But as unhappy as that realization makes you, acceptance is the first step toward emotional freedom.
Acceptance means you’re no longer investing time and energy trying to change things that can’t be changed. You can now focus your time and energy on emotional healing.
Read also: 58 Healing From a Narcissistic Relationship Quotes
2. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain Instead of Running From It
The pain of heartbreak is something we all try to avoid.
Some people throw themselves into another relationship. Some people distract themselves with work or partying. Others keep their pain bottled up and pretend they’re okay when they’re really not.
Pain never goes away if you don’t face it.
So cry if you need to cry. Journal your thoughts. Talk it out with someone you trust. Allow yourself to feel every emotion, whether it’s anger, disappointment, or heartbreak.
Allowing yourself to feel your emotions helps you heal.
When you ignore your emotions, they control you. But when you face them head on, you regain control.
I like to think of emotional healing as a form of self awareness. The more you feel your emotions, the more you’ll understand them. As you gain understanding, you lose the power they have over you.
Read also: 10 Healthy Relationship Boundaries Examples Every Couple Needs
3. Stop Looking for Closure From the Person Who Hurt You
One day, you’ll understand that the person who broke your heart won’t necessarily be the person to mend it.
You hope they’ll apologize. You hope they’ll tell you it was all a huge misunderstanding. You hope they realize what they’re giving up when they walk away from you.
But hoping doesn’t make things happen. Nor does it guarantee you’ll ever find the closure you’re looking for.
Your emotional healing depends on how much control you allow someone else to have over you.
If you spend the rest of your life hoping they’ll reach out to you in hopes they’ll somehow make things right, you’re placing your happiness in their hands.
True closure comes when you no longer need it. You’ll understand that while some questions may never be answered, your life can still move forward.
Read also: 14 Effective Ways to Truly Heal
4. Create Healthy Distance So Your Heart Can Start Healing
How can you begin to heal if you’re constantly being reminded of them?
Looking at their social media. Replaying old conversations. Making excuses to spend time with them.
None of that is going to help you heal.
If anything, it’s going to push healing farther and farther away.
Creating distance doesn’t mean you’ll never talk to them again. In some cases, you have to because of kids or jobs. But that doesn’t mean you need to hang on to every moment you’ve shared like a lifeline.
Create distance by blocking them on social media or deleting their number.
Stop inviting them into your space if their presence only hurts you. Creating healthy boundaries is not selfish. It’s healing.
5. Rebuild the Parts of Yourself You Lost Along the Way
Another person didn’t just tear your heart apart. They stole pieces of your identity, too.
Confidence. Joy. That spark that made you who you are.
If you haven’t healed from heartbreak, you’re still holding onto that person because a part of you is still missing.
Think about the person you were before they came into your life. What made you happy? Who were your friends? What were your goals?
You were incomplete with them, but you can be whole again.
Take up those hobbies you neglected.
Reconnect with those friends who always had your back.
Go after your goals with reckless abandonment.
As you start to rebuild the person you were, you’ll see something amazing happen…
You’ll slowly become better than you were when you first met them.
6. Choose Forgiveness for Your Freedom, Not Theirs
If there’s one thing people misunderstand about forgiveness, it’s the definition.
You don’t forgive someone to set them free. You forgive someone to set yourself free.
Many people ask the question, “Do I have to forgive that person who hurt me?” My answer? Of course not!
Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person. It’s something you do for you.
Relationships are over when trust is betrayed. Friendships are ruined when someone shares your secrets. Memories come and go.
Don’t carry that burden with you any longer than you have to.
Forgiveness is the final step of healing. It’s you deciding that while what they did was wrong, you’re not going to let it destroy you.
Conclusion
There’s nothing easy about moving on from someone who you loved with every fiber of your being.
But just because it hurts doesn’t mean you should stay there.
Healing from heartbreak occurs when you embrace your reality, allow yourself to feel your emotions, let go of the need for closure, build a healthy distance, rebuild your life without them, and forgive them for your own freedom.
Some days you’ll feel like you’ve healed. Other days you’ll randomly remember them, and your heart will ache.
It’s okay.
Healing isn’t linear. Allow the process to take you where you need to go.
One day you’ll look back on this pain and know exactly why it happened.
You’ll realize that the person who hurt you is also the person who made you stronger than you were before they entered your life.
You’ll know you’ve let go.
FAQ
How long does it take to stop thinking about someone who hurt you emotionally?
Some people think about their ex for months or even years after a breakup. Other people take their emotions and turn them into lessons and quickly move on with their lives. Everyone heals at different rates, so focus on healing instead of how long it takes.
Will the pain of a breakup ever go away?
Emotional pain can take time to heal, but it will heal. If you allow yourself to process your emotions and learn from the relationship mistakes you made, you’ll eventually find peace.
How do I know when I’ve truly moved on?
You don’t obsess over them or their social media every chance you get. You no longer talk badly about them to everyone who will listen. You stop asking “what if” questions and focus on what’s in front of you.
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