It’s difficult to date a man who shares a child with another woman. Not because of the child. They are a part of the relationship that both of you have to learn to accept. It’s difficult because sometimes it can be hard to distinguish between healthy coparenting and old feelings.
Luckily, healthy coparenting is normal. In fact, it’s necessary. Strong parents keep in touch with one another, attend important events together, and work together to do what’s best for their child. Communicating about a child does not equal cheating, and spending time together does not necessarily mean he wants to get back together with his baby mama.
That said, it’s also understandable if you have been wondering lately whether your boyfriend or husband is over his baby mama. He may give all of the signs that he is being a responsible parent, but what if there’s more to it than that?
If you’ve found yourself asking, “Does he still love his baby mama?” more than once recently, take a close look at his behavior for consistent patterns. The following signs probably stood out to you already if he still has romantic feelings for his baby mama.
8 Clear Signs He Still Loves His Baby Mama
1. He Puts Her Needs Before Yours
Healthy coparenting involves communication. But if he frequently chooses his baby mama’s feelings over your feelings, that’s a red flag.
Does he cancel his plans with you because she’s feeling upset? Is he afraid to set boundaries with her or ask for space because he worries about hurting her feelings? Does he constantly seek her approval before doing something that doesn’t involve their child?
Anyone can put someone else’s needs before their partner’s every now and then. But if he constantly expects you to be understanding of her needs while refusing to do the same for you, there may be more to it.
Read also: 8 Dangerous Love Lies That Are Ruining Relationships
2. He Finds Excuses to Spend Time With Her Beyond Parenting
Coparenting a child will naturally require you both to spend time together on occasion. But if he goes out of his way to create situations where they’ll be alone together, that may mean he wants more than healthy coparenting.
Maybe he always stays long after he drops her off with their daughter. Perhaps he offers to help with her grocery shopping or pick up something from the store “since he’s going anyway.” Maybe he makes excuses to stop by her place when it wouldn’t be difficult to exchange their daughter someplace else.
Again, one instance means little to nothing. But if you notice a trend that he consistently wants to spend time with her even when it’s not necessary, you can ask yourself why he wants to.
Read also: 6 Undeniable Signs He Still Loves You After the Breakup
3. He Talks About Her All of the Time
You can’t wipe your child’s mother out of existence. But you can notice how frequently she comes up in conversation.
Does he constantly compare you two? Is he always telling stories about things they used to do? Does he speak up to defend her whenever you bring up irrelevant topics or mention her name when she has nothing to do with the discussion?
The person you choose to spend most of your time with will naturally dominate your conversations. But if he constantly talks about his baby mama, it may be a sign he still has feelings for her.
Read also: 6 Little Things Women Secretly Love Seeing in Their Men
4. He Gets Defensive or Emotional Around Her
Affection is one of the easiest signs to spot. But fighting and defensiveness can tell you just as much about his feelings toward his baby mama.
Does he get unusually nervous or defensive whenever she makes requests of him? Perhaps he becomes more joyful when she’s around than he should. Or maybe you’ve caught him being irrational or jealous in some way when he’s around her?
If his emotions seem to fly high when his baby mama is around, whether they’re positive or negative emotions, he may still be hung up on her.
5. He Won’t Set Boundaries With Her
Coparenting requires boundaries. If his baby mama calls him late at night when it isn’t urgent, expects him to help with her problems, or frequently disrupts your time with his poor communication skills, how does he react?
He won’t always avoid setting boundaries to be polite. If he still cares about his baby mama more than he lets on, he may make excuses to her or avoid setting boundaries with her altogether.
6. He Continually Measures You Up Against Her
Few things create insecurity faster than constant comparisons.
Whether he’s complimenting you or criticizing you, repeatedly measuring you against his baby mama keeps her emotionally present in your relationship. Comments like, “She used to cook like this,” or “You’re so much calmer than she was,” may seem harmless individually, but together they suggest he’s still using her as his emotional reference point.
A healthy relationship focuses on the person standing in front of you—not someone from the past.
Developing healthy communication about these comparisons can prevent resentment from quietly building over time.
7. He Seems Jealous When She Dates
Does he suddenly become nicer to her when she starts seeing someone new? Does he pick fights with you over every boyfriend she mentions? Does he ask her endless questions about their relationship?
Some jealousy is natural if her boyfriend is going to be spending time with your child. But if he acts jealous about things that have nothing to do with you two or your child, that may mean he’s still struggling to let go.
8. His Words Don’t Match His Actions
He might tell you every day that he doesn’t have feelings for his baby mama. But he can say “I love you” until he’s blue in the face. If his actions say otherwise, his words won’t matter.
Cross referencing his words with his behavior is a great way to verify that he means what he says. He says he doesn’t care about her, but if he keeps her number as a contact called “baby mama,” he’s obviously lying to you.
If he truly loved his baby mama like he says he doesn’t, he wouldn’t have to convince you that he doesn’t. It would show in his actions.
Conclusion
If he’s the father of your child and you’re serious about being with him, coparenting is something you’ll have to deal with. But just because you two have to coparent doesn’t mean he can’t genuinely commit to you and your relationship.
You’re allowed to be with someone who has a child with an ex. But you shouldn’t feel like you have to settle for less than you deserve just because he has a child with someone else.
If he’s displaying multiple signs that he still loves his baby mama and has been doing so consistently, it may be time to have a conversation with him about your concerns.
If he loves you like he should, he’ll understand where you’re coming from. And if he doesn’t, at least you’ll know where you stand.
FAQ
Is it wrong for a man to talk to his baby mama every day?
Not at all. Assuming they have kids together and she requires help taking care of them, they will likely have to speak every day. It isn’t the quantity of conversation that matters, but the intention behind it.
Does coparenting mean he loves her?
No. Coparenting means they will have to speak and work together to raise their child. It does not mean he harbors any type of feelings for her.
How do you tell the difference between coparenting and falling back in love?
As long as they both understand coparenting means putting their child first and don’t become emotionally attached to one another, them speaking shouldn’t be an issue. If they start going on dates, neglecting their current relationships to spend time with their child, or violating set boundaries, they may be struggling to coparent effectively.
Can you love your baby mama and your boyfriend?
Of course not. If you’re still romantically attached to your child’s mother, you will not be able to give your relationship 100%. One way to tell if your boyfriend loves you is if he wants to spend every waking moment with you.
How do you tell if he really loves his baby mama or is just helping his daughter?
He helps his daughter whether he loves her mother or not. If he says he loves her, but you catch him cheating on you, he’s probably just saying that to avoid hurting her feelings. You have to trust your gut. If he were completely devoted to his baby mama, you would’ve known by now.
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