Have you ever noticed that couples who are the happiest together never seem to discuss only bedroom matters? I once saw an interview with a happily married man who had been together with his wife for over 10 years. Someone asked him what was the secret to keeping their sex life so enjoyable after so many years together. He flashed a small grin and said, “Bedroom fun doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts with how we treat one another every day.”
This really resonated with me because so many people think intimacy begins and ends with sex. When a man feels respected, desired, appreciated, and emotionally connected to his partner, he tends to relax more, become more affectionate, and more engaged when you guys actually are alone together. Paying attention to the little things during the day will often make the biggest difference at night.
If you’re wondering how to make your boyfriend happier in bed, it doesn’t start with changing who you are to become someone you’re not. Creating enjoyable and memorable intimate moments starts with both you and your boyfriend feeling connected, comfortable, and excited to be with each other. When you understand how to make most men feel loved and wanted, your relationship will grow stronger both inside and outside the bedroom.
1. Make Him Feel Desired BEFORE the Bedroom
One mistake I see all the time is people waiting until they enter the bedroom to start feeling intimate toward each other. Building attraction actually starts hours before you two are lying in bed together. If your boyfriend feels as if you desire him, he will feel more confident, relaxed, and emotionally connected when you guys spend private time together.
Compliment him. Tell him he looks nice when he does. Put your arm around him when you’re talking. Hold his hand randomly throughout the day. Send him cute text messages letting him know you’re thinking about him. Most guys don’t get verbal compliments very often, but hearing it from their loved one means the world.
You don’t want to go overboard and flatter him 24/7. You simply want him to know that you still find him attractive and you’re happy he’s your boyfriend. Doing this builds emotional intimacy, which will allow the two of you to have more meaningful time together.
Read also: 15 Different Types of Foreplay to Try As A Couple
2. Build Emotional Connection Throughout the Day
Sex and emotional intimacy are incredibly connected. If you and your boyfriend have spent the entire day fighting, nagging, or avoiding each other, it’s going to be tough for him to feel emotionally connected with you when you two finally crawl into bed.
Take the time to talk to each other without distractions. Ask him how his day was and listen to what he has to say. Laugh about a silly joke. Share your thoughts and allow him to share his thoughts with you. Building an emotional connection can often lead to physical connection because you’ve eliminated the tension between you two.
When your boyfriend feels that you two have an emotional connection, he won’t just see you as his girlfriend. He sees you as the person that he can truly let his guard down with.
Read also: 10 Beautiful Emotions You Feel in a Secure Relationship
3. Don’t Forget About Random Acts of Affection
Many couples unknowingly restrict physical affection to times when they’re about to get it on. The more you do this, the more every hug and kiss will start feeling like you two are expecting something from each other.
Throw your boyfriend a hug when he walks through the door. Kiss him goodbye before you leave to run errands. Place your head on his lap while watching TV. Sit close to each other on the couch where your legs touch as you’re talking. Simple acts like these let your boyfriend know that physical touch doesn’t always have to lead to sex.
Ironically enough, couples that show each other affection when they’re not getting intimate have better sex. There’s no feeling of pressure. When you two are consistently touching one another, you build comfort, trust, and sexual anticipation naturally.
Read also: 9 Barriers to a Happy Life You Can Overcome
4. Set the Mood So YOU Both Relax
We often forget about how much our environment affects us during intimate time. If you and your boyfriend are stressed, surrounded by clutter, or constantly being interrupted, it’s hard to be “in the moment” and really enjoy each other.
When you two make the effort to clean up the space you’re in, use fresh sheets, light a nice smelling candle, or turn on your couple’s favorite playlist, you’re setting the mood. Small things like this show effort, and effort is sexy. You’re telling your boyfriend that spending time with him is important to you. When you both are able to relax and enjoy each other’s company, you’re able to focus on one another rather than what else is going on around you.
Like I said before, put your phones away, turn off distractions like the TV, and truly be present with each other. In a world full of social media and technology, giving your partner your undivided attention is incredibly romantic.
5. Communicate What BOTH of You Like
Some couples think their partner is supposed to know everything they like without telling them. Intercourse isn’t mind reading, and healthy relationships understand that.
Every couple should feel comfortable enough to discuss what they like and don’t like sexually. The more you both open up about your likes, expectations, and boundaries, the more comfortable you’ll both feel.
You shouldn’t strictly have these conversations in the bedroom. In fact, you should probably talk about this while you’re cuddling on the couch after dinner or taking your weekly stroll. Ask questions and allow him to ask you as well. You two need to feel like you can talk to each other about anything. When your boyfriend knows that he can have a comfortable conversation with you about your intimate life, he will trust you more.
Communication is key in any relationship, but more specifically when it comes to building an intimate relationship. Not only should you ask him what he likes, you should tell him what you enjoy as well. The best intimate relationships have healthy communication where both people feel like they can speak their mind and be heard.
6. Be Confident, You’re NOT Chasing Perfection
Trust me, no one wants to see you try hard to be someone you’re not just to get in his pants. Sex is way better when you feel confident in your own skin. You don’t need to look “picture perfect,” wear pricey lingerie, or compare yourself to models on Instagram.
What most men find attractive is a girl who is comfortable with who she is and enjoys spending time with you. If you’re worried about your outfit, if you said the right thing, or if you’re providing him with a good enough “performance,” then you’re distracted, which will rub off on him. Let me tell you, he’s probably paying way less attention to those things than you think he is.
He’d much rather watch you smile, laugh, and be comfortable than stare at every little thing you’re doing. Take care of yourself, though. Eat right, take showers, wear what you feel confident in, and be proud of who you are as a person. The more you love yourself, the more confident you will feel about yourself. Self confidence is attractive, and being able to show that to your boyfriend will make your intimacy that much better.
7. Be Mindful and Present
Mental presence is huge. Many people fail to realize that they’re in bed with their boyfriend, but they’re nowhere mentally. You could be thinking about what you have to do the next day, what your boss said to you at work, or even wondering if you’re pleasing him.
Instead of letting your mind wander the next time you two get intimate, focus on him. Make eye contact, smile, laugh it off if you feel awkward, and don’t put any pressure on either of you to make every sexual encounter perfect. The best relationships are built on reality, not perfection. Let your boyfriend know that you’re enjoying his company, and he’ll relax.
Paying attention to him will allow you to notice when he may be having a bad day. Don’t automatically assume it’s something you did. He may just need you to lay with him and give him some space to clear his mind. Intimacy will become more enjoyable when you both feel like you can be 100% yourself and aren’t putting up a front to please each other.
8. Keep the Love ALIVE Outside of Bed
You want your boyfriend to be happier when you two get in bed? Don’t wait until bedtime to try and spice things up. You should aim to keep the romance alive throughout your entire relationship. Couples that have great sex in the long run are usually the ones that continue to date each other after the “honeymoon phase.”
Surprise him with his favorite dinner, leave him a love note, take him on a spontaneous walk, or plan a date night. It doesn’t have to be for a special occasion or require you to spend every penny you have. Just show him that you still care about him when you’re not going to bed together.
Remember to tell him you love him too! Tell him you appreciate everything he does for you, how kind he can be to others, or that you can’t imagine your life with anyone else. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, and what we appreciate doubles. By letting your boyfriend know that you appreciate him for who he is will allow him to feel more secure in your relationship. When a man feels valued, admired, and loved by his girlfriend outside the bedroom, it will automatically strengthen your romantic relationship when your bodies do connect.
Conclusion
When it comes down to it, making your boyfriend happy in bed isn’t about learning secret tips and tricks. It’s about how you make him feel when you two are spending private time together and when you’re not. Building emotional intimacy, showing affection, keeping the conversation going about each of your likes and dislikes, being confident, and keeping the romance alive will always keep the bedroom exciting.
A healthy relationship understands that intimacy should be shared by both you and your partner. You both should feel equally desired, respected, and secure when having intimate moments with each other. Focusing on building your emotional connection will allow your physical connection to grow.
Just remember, your goal shouldn’t just be to make your boyfriend happy in bed. Your goal should be to build a relationship where you both feel happy and are able to grow together as a couple. That is an intimacy that will last beyond one night.
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