Not every guy with narcissistic tendencies is a loud, arrogant person yelling about how great he is every five minutes. Some are extremely charming. Some act insecure. Some play the victim. Others act like millionaires with their fists up.
Recognizing the different types of narcissistic men can help you see the pattern for what it is.
But first: This isn’t about diagnosing every man you date. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition. Only a licensed professional can determine whether someone actually has it.
And it’s important to remember that someone can display certain narcissistic traits WITHOUT actually having narcissistic personality disorder.
What matters to you is recognizing unhealthy patterns. Especially if you find those patterns keep hurting your emotional well being over and over again.
If you’ve ever sat there and thought, “Something about this relationship isn’t right but I don’t know what it is,” this guide will help you name what you’re seeing.
8 Types of Narcissistic Men and How to Recognize Each One
1. The Grandiose Narcissistic Man
Grandiose Narcissism is probably the personality you think of when you hear the word narcissist.
He wants you to know he’s important. He knows what he wants. He believes he deserves special treatment.
He might brag about his accomplishments, connections, intelligence, appearance, wealth, social circle, or job status. He wants you to recognize how great he is. He might even become visibly uncomfortable if someone else is receiving praise or attention that he believes they don’t deserve.
In a relationship, he might expect you to admire him, support his goals, and make him feel special.
When you first start dating a grandiose narcissist, his confidence can be really attractive.
He knows what he wants. He may take the lead and plan awesome dates. He might speak passionately about his future. You feel special because you know he doesn’t just choose anyone.
The problem is what happens when you stop affirming him.
If you question him or argue back, he might become defensive. You can barely speak before he interrupts you with his own opinion.
He’ll minimize your achievements and steer the conversation back to himself whenever possible.
Emotional validation in this relationship starts to feel one sided. You should understand him. Encourage him. Celebrate him. But who’s cheering you on?
Look for exaggerated stories about his importance, achievements, or status. Watch for bragging, a strong sense of entitlement, an inability to take criticism, and a tendency to see other people as inferior.
But here’s the difference between confidence and narcissism: Being secure in yourself doesn’t mean everyone around you has to feel inadequate. A confident man can be proud of his accomplishments without denigrating yours.
Read also: 50 Powerful Narcissistic Quotes About Relationships
2. The Covert or Vulnerable Narcissistic Man
Covert narcissism can be difficult to spot. This guy doesn’t come across as overbearing or arrogant.
The covert narcissistic man may act shy, sensitive, easily hurt, misunderstood, or even insecure. He doesn’t loudly demand attention and admiration. He manipulates by playing the victim or acting too sensitive to hear your concerns.
He might continually allude to the fact that he “never gets appreciated,” “everyone lets him down,” or “no one gives him the respect he deserves.”
In the beginning, you feel so bad for him.
When he opens up about his insecurities, you empathize with him. You want to reassure him that he’s loved and valued.
Feeling insecure or asking for reassurance isn’t bad. In fact, vulnerability can actually improve your relationships.
The red flag isn’t how insecure he acts, it’s how he reacts whenever YOU need support.
Say you hurt his feelings by setting a boundary. He might react as if you completely rejected him.
You ask him to clean up after himself because it’s bothering you. He responds by listing every single thing he does for you.
You challenge him on something, and suddenly he whines about how you “never listen to him.”
Soon, you find yourself walking on eggshells around his feelings.
You can’t say no because you know he’ll feel hurt. You hesitate to voice your opinion because you don’t want to deal with his reaction.
Does he make space for your emotions, or does his own hurt always take priority? Can he accept feedback without playing the victim? Can he respect your boundaries without punishing you for it?
These are the questions you should be asking yourself.
Read also: 15 Characteristics of a Narcissistic Individual
3. The Malignant Narcissistic Man
One of the most troubling types is malignant narcissism. Men with malignant narcissistic tendencies sometimes display some of the patterns we talked about above, but they can also mix those traits with aggression and cruelty.
The malignant narcissistic man doesn’t just want you to admire him. He wants control.
He wants to belittle you until you feel weak enough to follow his lead. He might even hurt you emotionally on purpose if it means restoring his own sense of control.
Your relationship with a malignant narcissist can be toxic.
Disagreements with a malignant narcissist don’t feel like normal disagreements. He won’t work with you to understand your point of view. He won’t calmly discuss things and find a solution.
He WILL win.
He might intimidate you, humiliate you, make threats, play mind games, use jealousy as a weapon, punish you by giving you the silent treatment, or use other forms of emotional abuse to force you to submit.
If you don’t automatically give him what he wants, he’ll do everything in his power to make you believe that YOU are the problem.
Read also: Healing After a Narcissistic Marriage: 6 Steps to Recovery
4. The Seductive or Charismatic Narcissistic Man
You know the dude we all fall for at least once? The one who just GETS you?
This is the narcissistic man who can seem incredibly charming.
Charismatic narcissists know exactly what to say to make you feel beautiful, incredible, and wanted. He’s great at listening, so you feel like you can tell him anything.
He may smile a lot, text you frequently, and plan the most thoughtful dates.
He can be so charming that you two seem to click instantly. You think you’ve found your soulmate.
The “love bombing” starts happening.
You know that term where someone throws so much affection your head at you that you start wondering what they want?
Constant compliments, attention, big gifts, affection, promises, or intense feelings can fall under that category. It’s basically a type of manipulation.
But that doesn’t mean every thoughtful or affectionate man is a narcissist!
It’s normal to feel closer to someone when you’ve clicked right away.
The thing you should pay attention to is whether he treats you with the same level of respect and care after the honeymoon phase is over.
5. The Antagonistic Narcissistic Man
The antagonistic narcissist treats every relationship as a competition.
He’ll probably have a hard time accepting other people’s success. He won’t take criticism well. He probably has trouble admitting when he’s wrong or letting someone else have the last word.
If you got a promotion at work, he’ll tell you how his buddy got a better position at a nicer company.
You tell him about your weekend and he immediately has a better story to share.
You got emotionally hurt by something he said? Now he reminds you about something you said six months ago.
You messaged him the wrong hour and committed the unforgivable sin of hurting his feelings by sending a text too early? He blocks you for a week.
Stop communicating with him? He makes sure you know that your lack of contact proves that you’re a horrible person.
There is literally no winning with this guy.
Healthy communication shouldn’t feel like a battle of egos.
Because he doesn’t win by understanding you and reaching a solution. He wins by making sure you know that you’re wrong and he’s always right.
He wants to control the conversation by making you feel inferior. Gaslighting, disrespect, psychological manipulation; these are his weapons of choice.
The best way to understand someone’s emotional maturity? Pay attention to how they react when they’re wrong.
I’m not saying that every healthy person will admit they messed up the second they make a mistake. We all handle things differently.
But if your boyfriend consistently makes excuses, blames you, shuts down whenever you criticize him, denies saying hurtful things, or tries to change the subject when he screws up,
…the pattern becomes more obvious.
6. The Manipulative Narcissistic Man
The manipulative narcissistic man might not come across as overly confident or even arrogant. He may simply want you to give him what he wants.
He may learn your emotional triggers. He may know exactly what to say to make you feel guilty. He pays attention to you, so he knows how to manipulate you without you even realizing it.
He never yells at you. He never insults you.
Instead, he knows just how to play on your emotions until you feel responsible for his actions.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what his manipulation might sound like
“How could you do this to me? After everything I’ve done for you?”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t care that I do __________.”
“Oh come on, you’re the ONLY person who thinks I did something wrong!”
Manipulation can be subjective and very well depend on context. I don’t want you to assume that every guy who says something passive aggressive is a narcissist!
My intention with this article is to teach you to recognize patterns of manipulation. If someone you care about constantly uses guilt, emotional pressure, or treats your feelings like a weapon to bend you to his will, THAT is the problem.
Manipulation is effective because you start questioning whether you really are at fault. YOU start becoming the problem.
7. The Neglectful Narcissistic Man
Do you know that guy who can’t really do anything wrong in your eyes? The one you want to spend all your time with because you feel so comfortable around him?
He wants to hang out with you, but only when HE wants to.
The Neglectful Narcissist is great at pushing all his problems onto you.
Doesn’t matter if he’s busy, stressed, tired, or dealing with his own emotions. You should be happy he decided to spend TIME with you.
That’s how you know he’s a narcissist when you’re dating him.
He doesn’t actually listen to you. He’ll tune you out if you talk about something that doesn’t interest him.
Doesn’t matter how much you want to talk about your day. He just slammed his credit card back to $0 debt and has NEWS to tell you.
Romance you two when he has free time? Sure. But when you want to spend time with him, he suddenly has a lot on his plate.
His schedule always revolves around what HE wants.
You spend more time with him than anyone else, but you still feel alone.
He cares about what’s going on in his life…but what about you? Does he even ask how your day was?
Great, he listened to you for a minute. Now it’s story time about how he accidentally dropped $300 on groceries.
You sit there complaining about how you don’t get enough of his time only to be told that you’re “too needy.”
The Neglectful Narcissist is subtle. There might not be a moment you can point to and say “THIS is why I feel so unhappy in this relationship!”
But look at the big picture. When you need him, he’s nowhere to be found. When YOU’re busy, that’s when he suddenly needs you.
Reciprocity is important in a relationship.
Reciprocity means giving and taking. If you’re always the one giving emotional support but your boyfriend can’t be there for you when you need him, that’s a problem.
Ask yourself: Does your relationship allow room for your feelings, goals, dreams, fears, concerns, and opinions?
You shouldn’t have to become a shell of yourself just to make your relationship work.
8. The Status Driven Narcissistic Man
The status driven narcissistic man cares about labels.
How much money he makes. How many followers he has. How attractive people perceive him to be.
His job title becomes more important than knowing your job struggles. He probably measures other people based on what they can offer him.
Image means everything to him.
He might work hard and obsess over his image for reasons that don’t involve narcissism. Ambition isn’t bad!
But the Status Driven Narcissistic man built so much of his self worth on how other people see him that he internalizes EVERY rejection.
Your relationship with him isn’t about you both learning each other and growing closer together.
It’s about how dating you makes him look.
How can you tell if he’s a narcissist?
Like I said before, someone’s appearance and public persona doesn’t tell you anything about who they are in private.
Look at how he treats people who CANNOT do anything for him.
Employees, waiters, service workers, employees, strangers, or people below his perceived “status level.”
Does he still act the same when you two are alone?
Does he speak to everyone with the same amount of respect?
The real you shows when no one is watching.
9. Recognizing the Common Patterns Behind Each Type
Each type of narcissistic man I mentioned can look different, but there are RED FLAGS that many of them share.
He might need a lot of admiration. He might react extremely defensively whenever you criticize him.
He may have no problem manipulating you to get what he wants.
He may lack empathy for you and refuse to take accountability when he hurts your feelings.
That being said, please DON’T try to label your boyfriend by asking yourself “Does he have this trait? Check. That trait? Check.”
The question you should ask is: What happens when you try to communicate your needs?
Every time you establish a boundary, what’s his reaction?
What about if you disagree with him?
Do you constantly struggle to get him to take accountability for his mistakes?
Behavior tells you more about your relationship than a BuzzFeed quiz ever will.
Pay attention to how he reacts when you say no
Many people mistake a narcissist’s reaction to boundaries as proof that they’re a narcissist.
“You can’t tell me what to do!”
“No, I will NOT apologize for something I didn’t do!”
Statements like these are NEVER acceptable, but they’re also not the end all be all of diagnosing a narcissist.
Does he react this way every time you set a boundary? Or is he capable of accepting “no” as an answer?
The issue isn’t that he gets mad when you say no. The issue is that he believes you saying no is an affront to his authority.
How does he react when he’s wrong?
Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.
But a healthy boyfriend will apologize. A narcissistic boyfriend will make excuses.
When he messes up, do you see him reflect on his behavior and try to make it right? Or does he try to justify his actions until you grovel and accept his apology?
Do you feel like you constantly have to prove that you’re not at fault?
10. How Narcissistic Behavior Can Affect You Over Time
I want you to answer this question:
When did you realize that your relationship was affecting your confidence?
Was there a moment that made you wake up and say “THIS is why I don’t feel like myself anymore?”
If so, great! Understanding that something is wrong is the first step to improving your relationship.
For others, the problem occurs much slower.
You start doubting yourself more.
You start apologizing just to calm the situation down, even when you aren’t sure what you did wrong.
You stop bringing up certain topics because you know he will automatically react poorly.
You make yourself smaller because you don’t want to “make things worse.”
You become so focused on keeping the peace that you forget to check in on how you feel.
You spend more time thinking about how he’s feeling rather than your own emotions.
My boyfriend made me feel this way WITHOUT realizing it.
The crazy part is that he DID realize it was happening.
He would apologize. Promise to be better. Try his hardest to not let it happen again.
…
…but it still did.
How to stop narcissistic behavior from affecting you
Learning how to recognize unhealthy patterns is helpful, but what do you do if you actually recognize one or more of these behaviors in your partner?
You don’t have to confront him about it.
In fact, you shouldn’t feel obligated to “fix” the situation by proving that he fits some sort of narcissistic archetype.
It’s not about him. It’s about you setting healthy boundaries.
Here’s what you can do to stop narcissistic behavior from affecting you:
Conclusion
Understanding the different types of narcissistic men can help you recognize patterns that may otherwise be difficult to explain.
The label itself is not what matters most. What matters is how someone treats you, how they respond to your boundaries, whether they take accountability, and whether their behavior consistently leaves you feeling hurt, controlled, or diminished.
You deserve a relationship where you can feel loved, supported, respected, and safe.
FAQ
What are the signs of a narcissistic man?
Some signs of possible narcissistic behavior include: intimidation, aggression, gaslighting, lack of empathy, manipulation, lack of accountability, refusal to accept constructive criticism, or deliberately trying to make you feel inferior to them.
How can you tell if a guy loves you or is narcissistic?
As I stated above, someone can love someone and be narcissistic.
However, you can probably notice that he constantly puts his needs above yours. He probably won’t hold you accountable for your mistakes but expects you to apologize when he screws up.
He might love you, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to treat you well in a relationship.
Are narcissists capable of love?
YES. Someone with narcissistic tendencies can love someone. They can care about you, be emotionally attached to you, and even experience romantic attraction towards you.
But that doesn’t excuse their behavior if they CONSTANTLY disrespect you, belittle you, or refuse to take accountability for THEIR actions.
Can narcissists change for the better?
Change is possible. However, do they change? That depends on whether or not the person recognizes their behavior, is willing to accept responsibility for their mistakes, and takes ACTION to fix their behavior.
One of the biggest problems with partners claiming they’ve changed is that they prove it by talking about how much they’ve changed rather than changing their damn behavior.
Can a narcissist suddenly change?
No. And if they say they do, they’re lying.
Behavior change doesn’t happen overnight. True change is gradual and will prove itself through time.
How do you deal with a narcissistic man?
Make sure you establish healthy boundaries with him. Know your worth. Seek support from loved ones. Surround yourself with positive people.
And if he ever crosses one of your boundaries? Call his bluff.
Do narcissists get lonely?
Depends on how you define lonely. They can feel lonely if they don’t feel like they have someone who understands them.
But they can also ignore other people’s feelings when they don’t agree with them.
Why do narcissists seem so confused?
Narcissists often lash out when they’re hurt. Maybe your partner feels insecure about something he’s doing? Tried asking him about it?
Are you dating a narcissist?
Only a professional can determine that… but you know your situation best.
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