If you’ve lost your boyfriend, you know that pain all too well. Losing your partner is never easy, even when the relationship was struggling. You’re not just saying goodbye to him. You’re saying goodbye to the life you built together, the conversations you looked forward to, and the milestones you’d imagined experiencing together.
I think that’s why grief can hit so hard in the beginning. The light at the end of the tunnel can feel miles away.
If you’re grieving your boyfriend loss, know that I understand how difficult this moment can feel. I have been there too, and it will get better.
When it hurts this badly, it can feel like no one will ever understand your heartache. You may find yourself waking up each day hoping it was all a bad dream. But when you open your eyes, there he is, gone again. If you’re here, reading this, you are not alone.
While I will never tell you that grieving is easy or completely painless, I will tell you there is a healthy way to grieve. These eight steps will help you heal after losing your boyfriend when grief feels unbearable.
8 Steps to Heal After Losing Your Boyfriend
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Everything
When you first experience a significant loss, you may feel pressure to put on a strong face. Friends, family members, and maybe even you will expect you to hold it together. But, guess what? You won’t always be okay. That’s perfectly okay too.
Trying to force yourself to feel okay will only make you feel guilty when you’re not. When you’re grieving, allow yourself to feel every.single.emotion. Cry if you need to cry. Hit a punching bag if you’re angry. Rest if you’re tired. It’s okay not to be okay right now.
Healing begins when you give yourself unconditional permission to feel everything that comes without judgment.
Read also: 15 Essential Steps to Start Your Healing Journey
2. Stop Putting a Timeline on Your Healing
I think many of us believe grief should operate on some sort of timeline. We tell ourselves that if we just wait a few weeks or months, we’ll magically feel better.
But grief is not predictable. You may have good days and bad days. You may find yourself perfectly fine until you catch a song on the radio that sends you crashing down. If you find yourself feeling guilty for not bouncing back faster, please know that you are not healing slower than you should.
Everyone’s grief timeline is different. There is no reason you should match anyone else’s pace. Be gentle with yourself and allow the process to take the time it needs.
Read also: 15 Tips on How to Journal for Healing
3. Talk About Him Instead of Avoiding His Memory
Avoiding things that remind you of your boyfriend may feel instinctual at first. I know it did for me. You may not want to look at old pictures, throw out his clothes immediately, or even talk about your relationship because it hurts too much.
But guess what? Healing involves some level of pain. While it is okay to take breaks from the memories that cause you to hurt, understand that constantly avoiding them will likely only prolong your healing.
When you feel ready, embrace his memory. Talk to friends about your favorite inside jokes. Remember all of the things that made you laugh until your stomach hurt. Reflect on what made your relationship special to you. Keeping his memory alive can help you heal without forgetting him.
Read also: 10 Things That Helped Me Start Healing After Loss of Pet
4. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief truly does hurt all over, especially in the beginning. Some days, it will manifest as heartache, but other days, you may struggle to sleep or find that your appetite is gone. Many people experience headaches, fatigue, and weakened immune systems after experiencing a significant loss.
Just as your heart is grieving, your body is grieving too. That is why taking care of yourself matters so much during difficult times. Focus on resting, drinking water, eating as well as you can, and going for a short walk each day. Little things like that can help you heal emotionally and physically.
5. Let Go of Unnecessary Guilt
I think we’ve all done this after a relationship loss. No matter how many times you tell yourself there is nothing more you could’ve done, you’ll find yourself digging through your memories to pick them apart.
Did you say something you wish you could take back? Were you too busy to spend enough time with them? We often spend so much time trying to punish ourselves that we forget to forgive ourselves along the way.
While some guilt is natural, beating yourself up about every little argument or misunderstanding will not reverse what happened. Practice self compassion and forgiveness on your journey to healing.
6. Lean on People Who Truly Support You
When you’re grieving, it can feel lonely as hell, even when you’re surrounded by loved ones. That’s because not everyone knows how to react when someone they care about experiences a major loss.
Some people will try to offer solutions when you just need them to listen. Others may attempt to lighten the mood by telling you everything will be fine or that you shouldn’t cry. The people who care about you want to support you, but they may not know how.
Seek out friends, family members, counselors, and support groups who you know will love you through this. Knowing that you have people in your corner can help you bear the weight of your grief while you begin to heal.
7. Find Healthy Ways to Keep Moving Forward
I know what you’re thinking. Moving on does not mean forgetting about your boyfriend. Trust me, I understand how easy it is to push yourself away from anything that reminds you of him.
But healing isn’t about forgetting your boyfriend. Healing means honoring your relationship by allowing yourself to feel happy again. You can love your boyfriend and continue to grieve his loss while welcoming joy back into your life.
Wake up each day and take one small step forward. Cook that meal you’ve been meaning to try. Start that book you’ve been wanting to read. Call that friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. These small steps will add up and help you feel grounded in your new normal.
8. Give Yourself Permission to Hope Again
This step is hard. I don’t want to sugarcoat it.
When your grief feels unbearable, it can be impossible to imagine a life where you feel happy again. But healing is happening even when you can’t see it. When I lost my boyfriend, I was hopeless for a long time. But I started to heal before I knew it.
Hope is often silent. It doesn’t need to arrive in the form of a dramatic moment. Hope will come when you laugh without forcing it one day. Hope will come when you realize you made it through the afternoon without crying. Slowly, you will begin to feel a little bit happier again. You will start to feel like yourself again.
Your heart will heal enough to hold both hope and grief together again.
Conclusion
After losing your boyfriend, you may feel like you’ve lost part of yourself. You built a life with him. You made plans for your future. You had dreams. Your grief is validating every emotion you felt for him.
When you are ready, take these eight steps to heart and allow yourself to heal. You will grieve your loss; that’s okay. But don’t let your grief steal your future away from you, too.
I am continually inspired by people’s strength after losing their partners. Recovering from heartbreak is never easy, but it will get better with time.
Ask yourself this: If you’ve lost your boyfriend, who would you be without him?
You are stronger than you think.
FAQ
How long does it take to heal after losing a boyfriend?
There is no set time limit for healing from grief. For some, a couple of months may feel like plenty of time to recover. Others need longer. Allow yourself to grieve on your timeline.
Is it normal to feel physically sick after losing a boyfriend?
Yes! Caring for someone you love puts a lot of stress on your body. You may experience fatigue, headaches, appetite loss, sleeplessness, and even body aches. It’s okay to be kind to yourself during this time.
Why do I still cry months after breaking up with my boyfriend?
Grief is often much longer than we think. Just because you’re still crying months later does not mean you haven’t healed. It just means that your loss still has not lost its significance to you.
Should I keep my ex boyfriend’s photos and memories?
Do whatever feels right to you. Some people find comfort in keeping their partner’s photos out. Others can’t stand to be around their belongings for a while. Only you know what is best for your healing process.
How do I stop feeling guilty after losing my boyfriend?
Forgiveness starts with self compassion. Allow yourself to feel guilty, but understand that you are only human. You are not perfect and never will be. As you practice forgiveness, the guilt will start to melt away.
Will I ever be happy again?
Yes, you will! I know that joy and happiness feel impossible right now. Believe me, I’ve been there too. But as you continue to heal, you will learn to open your heart to happiness once again.
Even if it feels like your whole world was broken when you lost your boyfriend, it will heal… and so will you.
Is it okay to move forward without feeling like I am betraying him?
More than okay. Honoring the time you had together by continuing to move forward in life is the best way to honor him. Healing and moving on with your life does not mean you loved him any less.
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