I was talking to this man recently. And while he shared things he wished he’d done differently in his marriage, he wasn’t one of those guys.
You know the ones I’m talking about.
The ones who pour out every disappointment, every grand gesture that their wife did to hurt them.
He told me about his marriage too, but it wasn’t the wild cheating scandals or never ending arguments.
He simply said, “It’s not one big thing… it’s the little things that kept happening until I just didn’t feel like I mattered.”
It was quiet. He said it with this heaviness that stayed in the air long after he finished speaking.
You see, most marriages don’t end overnight.
They end because of patterns.
Patterns are the repetitive things you do that may seem insignificant in the moment, but have negative emotional reactions associated with them over time.
And the crazy part is, these aren’t always things you’d view as “negative” in marriage.
Some of them are actually encouraged!
But if you’re married, or you plan to be someday, this article isn’t about pointing fingers.
It’s about recognizing unhealthy patterns and learning how to avoid them so you can maintain a strong emotional connection with your husband.
5 things you shouldn’t do as a married woman
1. Constant disrespect / talking down to your husband
You can love your husband with all your heart, but if you continuously speak to him in a way that makes him feel inferior or disrespected, he WILL distance himself from you.
Contrary to what you may think, this doesn’t always have to be yelling or name calling. Quite the opposite, actually.
Sometimes the disrespectful comments are said in our tone, our sarcastic jokes, our eye rolls, or how we talk DOWN to our husbands when we don’t agree.
Regardless of how they appear, those messages add up over time and cause unnecessary friction.
Practice respectful communication with your partner. You can still tell him how you feel, and you should, but do it without degrading him.
When a man feels respected by his woman, he opens up.
When he doesn’t feel respected, he slowly shuts down.
Read also: How to Make a Man Feel Valued in a Relationship (10 Tips)
2. Taking him for granted
Think back to when you first met your husband. Or how about when you first started dating him. You hung onto his every word.
You were excited to hear what he had to say.
When he did something thoughtful, you appreciated it.
So what happened?
As time goes on, we get comfortable. We assume that because he’s your husband, he KNOWS you appreciate the efforts he puts into your marriage. We expect things to just be… there.
When things are taken for granted too long, they begin to lose meaning.
And then they stop happening.
Show gratitude for the small things. And even more importantly, show gratitude for the big things!
Did he take out the trash like you asked? Thank him.
Make dinner like you asked? Thank him.
Don’t hug and kiss him only when he DOES something. Do that.
When you take the time to acknowledge the things your husband does for you and your family, you reinforce your relationship. When you let those things slide, you weaken it.
Read also: How to Stop Cheating on Your Husband
3. Comparing him to other husbands
This is probably one of the quickest ways to resent your husband.
Whether it’s comparing his job to another husband’s, his parenting to someone else’s dad, or how he gives you affection compared to another man.
When you compare your husband to others, you’re implying that he’s not good enough at what he does…
…for you.
And it doesn’t always have to be verbal. Maybe it’s a disrespectful comment here or there.
Or an expectation that he does more because your “friend’s husband does more.”
Every husband is different.
Every family is different.
Stop comparing your marriage to others and focus on building a relationship that’s strong for you and you alone. Trust me, this will save you from unnecessary criticism.
Read also: 10 Ways to Deal With Separation in Marriage
4. Losing emotional and physical intimacy
As the years go by, many couples lose their intimate connection.
It’s not that they stop loving each other.
They don’t make time for each other like they used to.
There’s less hugging, kissing, and cuddling.
The problem is, when you stop prioritizing intimacy in your relationship, both emotionally and physically, your marriage can begin to feel empty.
You’re still living together. Cooking meals. Cleaning houses. Paying bills. Telling each other about your day.
But the closeness is gone.
Make time for intimacy with your husband.
Give each other compliments. Ask each other how your day was. Be open about your emotions. Spend time holding hands.
You don’t have to schedule sex like it’s an appointment. But you should prioritize intimacy as if your relationship depends on it… because it does!
5. Making OTHER things a bigger priority than your husband
Sound familiar?
You start a new job and all of a sudden you have ZERO time for your husband.
Or the kids become your number one priority and you unintentionally put your marriage on hold.
It’s OK to spend time away from your husband. But you shouldn’t make other things in your life a bigger priority than your marriage.
I know, I know… your job helps pay the bills.
The kids are your reason for living.
But none of that matters if you’re pushing your husband farther and farther away.
When you make other things a priority, your husband feels neglected.
And when your husband feels neglected, he’ll slowly disconnect emotionally… and physically.
Put your marriage first. Always.
Conclusion
If your marriage ended because of one BIG issue, then fine. Work on that!
But chances are, it didn’t.
It ended because of little problems that happened OVER AND OVER that created distance between you and your husband.
Awareness is the first step to fixing a problem. Awareness and action.
If you can recognize these behaviors in yourself and make an effort to improve on them, you’ll allow room for your husband to move closer towards you.
And that’s what matters most.
Click here to learn about The #1 Best Way to Keep Your Husband Crazy About You
FAQ
Are these things common in marriage?
Yes. Most couples experience some version of these problems.
Can marriages be fixed if my spouse and I fall into these categories?
Of course! As long as you both WANT to fix it.
Do I have to do all of this? What if my husband is shitty too?
Start with you. Work on yourself first and let the positive energy grow from there.
If you want to improve your marriage and become closer to your husband, start by implementing one of these into your daily life.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. But it has to matter.
Try your best tomorrow and then rinse and repeat.
Is disrespect really that bad in marriage?
Yes. When your partner no longer feels respected by you, they WILL distance themselves from you emotionally and physically.
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