My sister once had a female bestie, a friendship that lasted from their teenage years all the way into adulthood. What made it even more interesting was that both of them eventually got married, yet they are still best friends till today. They didn’t just stay in touch out of convenience, their bond actually grew stronger over time.
At some point, I had to sit down and really understand the mechanics behind what made their friendship so stable. It wasn’t luck. It wasn’t just personality compatibility. It was intentional understanding. When I asked my sister what made their bond last so long, she didn’t mention surface-level things like “we always talk” or “we hang out a lot.”
She said something deeper: “We just know each other properly.”
That statement stayed with me. Because most friendships don’t break from lack of time — they break from lack of understanding.
So I started paying attention to what best friends who last actually know about each other. And I realized there are deeper layers most people never even think about.
10 Things You Should Know About Your Bestie
1. What Makes You Feel Emotionally Safe
This is the foundation of every strong friendship.
If your best friend doesn’t feel emotionally safe with you, they will never feel comfortable truly opening up to you, even if they spend every waking hour with you.
It goes beyond trust that they won’t tell your secrets. Emotional safety is about how comfortable they feel being themselves around you.
Do they feel judged? Do they feel listened to? Will they feel comfortable saying anything around you?
Knowing how to make your bestie feel safe allows them to be vulnerable with you. And when two people can be vulnerable with each other, you have a strong friendship.
Read also: 8 Things You Should Know About Your Spouse
2. What Their Silence Actually Means
Some best friends get quiet when they’re stressed. Others talk through everything.
One major mistake I see with friendships is not understanding your friend’s reaction to stress or conflict.
Maybe your bestie shuts down and you think they hate you or are mad at you. Or maybe they’re giving you the cold shoulder when they actually need you the most.
When you know how your friend handles stress or discomfort, you know how to react when they suddenly stop talking to you.
Learn what your bestie’s silence means and avoid digging yourself into a friendship hole.
Read also: How to Make Good and Responsible Friends
3. What They Are Insecure About
We all have our insecurities. Even your best friend has things they hesitate to share with anyone.
Maybe it’s about their appearance, how they measure up to others, their performance in life, or how they feel socially.
Whatever it is they are insecure about, you know the deeper parts of their mind that they don’t always tell you.
This knowledge means you won’t make jokes at their expense. More importantly, you can provide support when your bestie feels inadequate.
Best friendships go beyond trust, they protect each other’s weaknesses.
Read also: 30 Weird Questions to Ask Your Cousin
4. What Calms Them Down When They Are Stressed
We all respond to stress differently.
Know whether your bestie needs space, to talk about it, a distraction, silence, comfort, or your presence to feel better.
If you’ve ever had a friend snap at you when they were actually just overwhelmed, you know how important this one is.
Understanding how your best friend recovers lets you be there for them in the best way possible.
It’s the secret to any friendship support system that will last.
5. What They Want In Life (Deep Down)
No one screams about their life goals 24/7.
But if you know your best friend well, you probably know what they want to do with their life someday.
Use that knowledge to be their biggest cheerleader. Celebrate their wins with them. Encourage them when they fail. Remind them what they’re capable of when they doubt themselves.
Your best friend is your partner in life. When you know what they want in life, you can support them in achieving those dreams.
6. What Makes Them Feel Disconnected From People
Yes, some people pull away from others because they don’t like them.
But others simply pull away because they feel, well, disconnected.
Maybe your best friend feels disconnected when they’re:
- Overwhelmed
- Misunderstood
- Ignored
- Emotionally drained
- Smothered
Understanding how and why they distance themselves from others allows you to avoid those situations. You also learn how to reel them back in when they distance from you.
Friendships become stronger when you know how to spot distance before your friend shuts you out completely.
Healthy communication is everything.
7. What Kind Of Friendship They Value Most
Friendship means something different to everyone.
Ask 10 people how they define friendship and you’ll get varying answers.
Some value constant communication. Others value loyalty through distance. While some value emotional connection more than anything.
Knowing how your bestie values friendship allows you both to give each other what you need.
If you don’t know what your friend values in a friendship, you might feel like you’re putting in 100% while they feel emotionally unfulfilled.
Learn what your best friend values about friendship and you can avoid falling into this trap.
8. How They Act When They Are Emotionally Overwhelmed
When life gets to be too much, we all react differently.
Some people shut down. Others explode. Many go quiet. Some people stress eat. Others binge watch TV.
Knowing how your friend reacts when they feel overwhelmed can help you recognize when they need support.
It also helps you not take it personally if they react in a way that is uncharacteristic to their normal personality.
Friendships that last understand each other’s emotional reactions during stressful times.
9. How They Show Appreciation (Even If They Don’t Say It)
Not everyone is good at articulating their gratitude.
You’d be surprised how many things your best friend might appreciate about you but never actually tell you.
If you know how your friend shows they care, it gives you insight into how they really feel about the friendship.
You may realize they show it through consistency, talking to you about their thoughts, or remaining close during busy times in life.
Knowing how your friend displays appreciation can help you decipher their actions, even if they don’t say it.
10. How They’ve Changed Over The Years
I saved the most important for last.
You should know that your best friend is not the exact same person they were when you first met.
In fact, they will continue changing as you spend more time with them.
People change emotionally, mentally, socially. Their priorities shift, their mindset changes, and their needs in a friendship change.
By knowing and understanding how your friend has changed over the years, you can avoid holding them to an expectation that no longer applies to them.
Friendships that last grow with each other without losing connection.
Conclusion
Friendships don’t last a lifetime because people make time for each other. They last because you take the time to understand each other.
When you know how your best friend thinks, feels, what they value, need, and what they silently carry with them, you have each other’s emotional stability.
My sister and her best friend didn’t stay friends because life slowed down for them. They stayed friends because they continued to truly KNOW each other on a deeper level as they grew.
FAQ
What makes a best friendship last long?
Friendships that understand each other emotionally will last the longest.
How well should you know your best friend?
You should know how they feel emotionally, what makes them uncomfortable, how they react to stress, what they value, and what makes them feel appreciated.
Why do best friendships drift apart?
People grow apart in friendships when there is a loss of understanding. This usually comes from assumptions, unmet expectations, or life changing situations.
How can I be a better best friend?
Learn how to listen on a deeper level. Pay attention to their emotions. Support their dreams. Respect their boundaries. And learn how they like to be treated emotionally.
Can friendships get through big life changes?
Of course. If you both maintain that emotional understanding and put in the work to communicate, your friendship can make it through anything.
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