I’ve read dozens of psychological books on marriage and divorce and studied thousands of real stories about human behavior in relationships.
As a result, there is one thing that stands out to me more than anything.
You know how most people say they wish they didn’t get married yesterday?
They didn’t get married yesterday.
They woke up one day divorced because they married the wrong person years ago.
And the truth is—they knew something was off way before they walked down the aisle.
Sometimes the signs are glaringly obvious.
Other times they can be quite subtle.
It’s easy to miss those little red flags when you’re in love.
When your heart is invested, you hope things will just work out after marriage.
You hope problems you are facing will magically disappear when you tie the knot.
While I’m all for having faith in the unknown, don’t be naive either.
Marriage does not fix problems most of the time.
It makes them 10x worse.
That’s why you should take a step back every once in a while and look at your relationship objectively.
If you find that your relationship aligns with several things on the following list, you may want to hop off the marriage train for a bit.
Here are 12 signs you should not get married.
1. You Have Doubts About The Relationship
We all have days where we doubt our relationships.
But what I’m talking about is a deep-rooted inner doubt that never seems to go away.
You constantly question whether you’re making the right choice.
If that sounds like you, listen to your gut.
Our subconscious is often aware of things our conscious mind has yet to realize.
Here are some things you may feel if you fall into this category:
- Something just feels off.
- You can’t see yourself with this person long-term.
- You feel uneasy about marriage internally.
Listen to that little voice in your head.
Marriage shouldn’t feel like a sentence you force yourself to accept.
Read also: 12 Signs a Married Man Is Using You
2. You Want Your Partner to Change
One mistake people make before marriage is thinking their partner will change after marriage.
“I know they’ll be more responsible after we get married.”
“They’ll grow out of that annoying habit.”
Trust me.
They won’t.
Change is hard—and people aren’t willing to change themselves because you say “I do.”
If your partner does things that irritate you now (like talking behind your back, forgetting important dates, or acting disrespectfully), they will probably continue to do those things after marriage.
The foundation of a successful relationship is accepting the person you fell in love with for who they are today.
Don’t expect your partner to change after marriage if they’re unwilling to make changes before.
Read also: 10 Signs Your Husband Is Incapable Of Loving You
3. You Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe
This is non-negotiable.
If you don’t feel emotionally safe with your partner, don’t marry them.
Feeling emotionally safe with your partner is vital to a successful relationship.
When you don’t feel emotionally safe, you will:
- Hide your feelings
- Walk on eggshells
- Feel scared to speak your mind
These are ingredients for a dysfunctional relationship.
All of your concerns, thoughts, and feelings should be able to be expressed to your partner without judgment.
When you can’t be yourself around your partner, your relationship isn’t healthy.
Emotional safety is the foundation for relationship trust.
4. You Fight Unhealthily
No relationship is perfect—everyone fights from time to time.
But how you fight with your partner can tell you a lot about the health of your relationship.
You should never yell at your partner, call them names, be defensive, or play the victim during an argument.
Arguments should never cut so deep that they cause long-term damage to your relationship.
Couples that stay together grow together by learning how to argue in healthy ways.
If you constantly fight unhealthily, marriage will only amplify those arguments.
You need to learn healthy communication skills before getting married.
5. Your Values Don’t Align
Physical attraction can make people fall in love quickly.
But it’s the core values you share that determine whether you’ll stay in love for the long haul.
If you don’t share the same values about:
- Spending time with family
- Budgeting and finances
- Religion
- Raising children
- Living healthy lifestyles
Then you’re destined for some major conflicts in the future.
Couples that live by similar core values find it easier to build a life together.
If you and your partner have different visions for the future, marriage will only amplify those differences.
6. You Feel Like You’re Rushing Into Marriage
There’s never a good reason to feel rushed into marriage.
Sure, you might be excited and ready to take the next step.
But if you’re forcing wedding plans to happen before you’re emotionally ready, that’s a problem.
Listen, all of your friends getting married isn’t the best reason to say “I do.”
The only person’s timeline you should consider is yours.
It’s okay to take as much time as you need.
If you don’t feel 100% about getting married, continue dating until you do.
Don’t marry someone simply because you feel it’s expected of you.
Marriage is a decision you should be thrilled about, not one you fear.
7. Trust Comes And Goes
Trust is everything in a marriage.
If your partner has repeatedly let you down by lying, cheating, or keeping significant secrets, trust will be an issue.
You may find yourself:
- Constantly questioning their every move
- Feeling afraid they will leave you
- Second-guessing your decisions
All of these things are signs of a weak trust foundation.
While trust can be repaired with work from both partners, you shouldn’t hop into marriage with trust issues.
Once trust is gone, it can be very hard to get it back to where it should be in a healthy relationship.
Healthy couples have rock-solid trust in each other.
8. You Don’t Feel Energized After Spending Time With Them
Your significant other should bring life to your relationship, not drain it.
Don’t get me wrong—every relationship will go through a rough patch every now and then.
But if you find that you consistently feel drained after spending time with your partner, that’s a huge red flag.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Are you always fighting?
- Does your partner criticize you often?
- Do you feel unappreciated by your partner?
In a healthy relationship, you and your partner both bring positive energy to the table.
When one partner is draining the other, resentment builds up over time.
9. You Avoid Future Discussions
It’s normal for couples to get caught up in the present.
You shouldn’t be talking about marriage every second you spend together.
But you also shouldn’t avoid future discussions.
Whether it be topics about:
- Saving money
- Career
- Living arrangements
- Buying a home
- Having children
You and your partner should be on the same page.
If you find that you or your partner become anxious or change the subject when certain topics are brought up, that’s not a good sign.
Avoiding discussions about the future can cause misunderstandings.
10. You Feel Settled
There’s a difference between being comfortable in your relationship and feeling like you settled.
Sure, you may be completely compatible with your partner and like many of the same things.
But if you sit down and think about it, marriage doesn’t excite you.
You don’t get butterflies thinking about your life together.
Your relationship is “good.”
But is it good enough for marriage?
If you have no desire to spend the rest of your life with your partner, you’re likely settling.
Settling down with someone may seem like the right thing to do at the time, but those feelings will compound later on in your marriage.
11. You Continuously Avoid Facing Problems
All couples fight.
That’s normal.
But you should NEVER avoid problems in your relationship.
When you sweep issues under the rug, they will only grow larger.
If you constantly find yourself:
- Arguing about the same things
- Not talking about your financial goals
- Bringing up past issues
Then your relationship is built on avoidance.
Marriage will not fix those problems.
In fact, it will make them 10x worse because you’ll have new issues to deal with as a married couple.
12. You Are Hoping Marriage Will Make Your Relationship Better
Marriage will not improve your relationship.
In fact, it will make it worse if you don’t work on your relationship FIRST.
Think about any problem you currently have in your relationship.
Once you get married, that problem will grow into a larger problem.
The problems you don’t fix before marriage will become your marital problems.
A lot of couples assume that once they get married, their relationship will magically get better.
It’s the complete opposite.
If you want a good marriage, start with a good relationship.
Conclusion
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married.
But you should never let yourself rush into marriage.
One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is people realizing they made a mistake TOO LATE.
The signs are there before you get married—you just have to pay attention to them.
Was your gut telling you something you didn’t listen to?
Does your relationship need some time and effort focused on it?
Either way—you now have the knowledge to make a better decision moving forward.
Remember…
It’s better to be single than to be married to the wrong person.
Knowing when not to get married is just as important as knowing when you should.
FAQ
Is it normal to have doubts about getting married?
It’s normal to have a few doubts here and there.
But if you constantly feel like getting married to your partner is the wrong decision, that’s a red flag.
Can your relationship improve after marriage?
Any problems you currently have will likely get worse after marriage.
Relationships don’t improve when you get married—the two of you improve your relationship by putting in the time and effort.
What are things you should talk about before marriage?
Finances, goals, kids, family expectations, careers, and values are all important topics to discuss before marriage.
Should you wait to get married if you have trust issues?
Trust is everything in a relationship.
If you don’t trust your partner 110%, do NOT marry them.
Building that trust takes time—don’t rush into marriage without it.
How do I know if he’s the one?
He respects you, makes you feel emotionally safe, and you’re aligned on your values and goals for the future.
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