Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…
One thing I have learned throughout my years as a relationship expert is that people tend to expect attraction to appear one way.
Women think that if a man likes them, he will come right out and say it. He will constantly text first. He will openly flirt. He will pursue her aggressively. And he will make his interest in her impossible to ignore.
This is not always how things work in the real world.
I once spoke to a woman about a guy that she thought was completely blowing her off. She said he was distant at times. He did not make things too obvious. And he would never verbally confirm that he liked her, let alone tell her he wanted to pursue something serious.
The more we spoke, however, the more signs started to surface.
He would remember things she said weeks ago.
He always seemed to find an excuse to start up a conversation with her.
He noticed when her mood would change before her friends would.
He cared about her and showed it while acting emotionlessly.
Attraction can make people weird.
Just because he likes you does not mean he is suddenly going to become the most forward person you have ever met. Sometimes attraction makes us nervous, emotional, clingy, or scared.
I am not saying he is hiding his feelings from you to annoy you. Men hide their emotions for various reasons: fear of rejection, insecurity, past heartbreak, uncertainty, or the fear of appearing vulnerable.
When trying to determine if a man is pretending not to like you, look for these:
8 Signs He Is Pretending Not to Like You
1. He Continues to Show Up
Do you ever notice that he always seems to find a way to end up around you?
Whether it is physically or through things like texting, if a guy says he is not into you but continues to show up, that is a sign.
Sure, he may just happen to join the same conversations you are in. He may always grab a seat next to you in group settings. He may message you about things that could have easily been avoided.
Individually, these things do not mean much. But if you continue to catch him placing himself around you despite his words, there is a chance he is trying to hide his interest from you.
Read also: 12 Things Every Man Wants From the Woman He Loves
2. He Remembers the Little Things
Ever mention something one day and never think about it again?
Then out of nowhere someone comes at you weeks, maybe even months later, about that very thing you randomly said.
It could have been your favorite Starbucks order. Maybe you mentioned you were nervous about giving a presentation at work. Maybe you told him about your childhood or something you have always wanted to do.
When someone cares about another person, they listen. And when someone listens, they remember.
That is why if he remembers the small things you say, he is probably listening more intently than you think.
Read also: 8 Signs He Is Your Future Husband (Not Just a Boyfriend)
3. He Seems Curious About Your Life
Questions are hard to disguise.
If he is pretending not to like you, he may not blatantly flirt, but you may catch him asking questions.
Questions about your hobbies, family, goals, what you hope to do in the future, your favorite things, movies, music, food, you name it.
The crazier part is he will try to make these questions seem casual. He will not want to appear as if he is sitting there brainstorming questions to ask you.
But asking questions means he is listening. And asking questions means he wants to learn more about you.
Why?
Because if he did not care about you, he would not be wasting his time.
Read also: 13 Unique Things Men Like in Women
4. He Acts Different Around You Than Other People
Attraction can really change a person.
Some guys may act the same around everyone else but then get nervous around you.
Others may become more awkward than usual. Some talk way too much. Others become quieter. You might even notice him teasing you more or acting completely different around you without realizing it.
Why does this happen?
When we like someone, our emotions can get the best of us. Even if he is usually the most level headed guy around his friends, being around you might make him feel awkward or overly aware of himself.
5. He Notices Other Guys Around You
Does he suddenly pull his phone closer when another guy walks by you two?
Does he become quiet for a moment when someone he finds attractive talks to you?
As humans, we automatically become more attentive whenever something or someone threatens what we care about.
Him steering clear of jealousy does not mean he will not react at all if another guy attempts to get close to you.
6. He Helps You When It Is Inconvenient
The more effort someone puts into something, the more they care about it.
Does he help you with things when it is the last thing he should be doing? Does he check up on you despite his schedule? Does he go out of his way to help solve your problems or make your life more convenient?
Helping someone does not automatically mean he likes you, but when actions like this continue to occur despite him acting like he does not care, something may be going on.
Sure, he may be a nice guy and would help anyone in a heartbeat. But if he constantly makes you a priority despite what he is telling you, his actions are speaking much louder than his words.
Relationships are built on effort. When two caring people come together, amazing things can happen.
7. He Pulls You Closer Then Pushes You Away
Ooh this one is tricky.
You two are hanging out. He seems to be paying you a lot of attention. Carrying on conversation. Maybe he even touches your arm every once in a while. Everything is going great, and then out of nowhere, he suddenly disappears for a few hours or the rest of the day.
Then all of a sudden, he is back to his normal behavior.
This behavior usually stems from fear.
He cares about you so he tries to close the distance by talking to you. But what he does not realize is he is actually pushing you away by doing this.
Reason being is that people who do not want someone to know they like them sometimes display confusing behavior.
8. His Actions Do Not Match His Words
This is probably the biggest sign.
He can say he does not like you. He can act cool around you.
He can avoid telling you how he feels, but he will always show you.
Remember how I said to pay attention to patterns and consistency? This is it.
If he always checks up on you, seems to notice when your mood changes, remembers tiny things, and continues to make you a priority despite what he is telling you, his actions are speaking volumes.
Sure, he can lie to you about how he feels. That is easy.
Controlling actions is hard.
You know you like someone when your instincts and emotions take over, and before you know it, you start unintentionally revealing it through your actions.
Men Who Pretend Not To Like You
There are many reasons why men may pretend not to like someone:
- They are scared of rejection
- They do not want to appear vulnerable
- They do not want to seem too desperate or eager
- Low self esteem
- They are just playing games
If someone you know resembles any of these, he may be hiding his true feelings from you.
It is good to recognize these signs. But if you want to improve your ability to understand people and really learn how to spot the signs he likes you, my free romantic signs ebook can help. Sign up and I will send you the cheat sheet to recognizing the early signs of attraction.
Why He Is Pretending Not To Like You
Why does he suddenly stop talking when you talk to other guys?
Some girls will automatically think he is playing games or doing it on purpose.
While some guys do this, it is not always the case.
Some men are not good at expressing their emotions. Others do not want to seem too eager or scared you will run.
I can pretty much guarantee you that if he is hiding his feelings from you, it is not because he does not like you.
Building a relationship is a vulnerable process.
When you allow someone to get closer to you, you become susceptible to getting hurt.
If he has felt hurt in a past relationship, he may not want that to happen again.
Conclusion
Discovering whether or not a guy likes you secretly can be exciting. But it can also be very confusing and frustrating.
Attraction will always reveal itself.
Even if he is doing everything in his power not to show you, it will show.
Just remember, actions speak louder than words.
If he constantly goes out of his way for you and continues to show effort, he likes you.
It is that simple.
My challenge for you is to stop reading words and start studying people.
Look for the patterns.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a guy pretend not to like you?
Yes, they can and many do. Whether due to rejection, past experiences, or insecurity, men tend to hide their emotions.
Why would a guy avoid me if he likes me?
Some men are nervous around people they like. Others do not want to seem too eager or scared of rejection.
Can mixed signals mean he likes you?
They can, but mixed signals could also mean he is confused about his feelings. That is why you have to look for patterns.
Does teasing mean he likes you?
Not necessarily. But if you combine teasing with other signs on this list, it becomes more likely.
Should I wait for him to tell me he likes me?
You do not always have to. If you want clarity, sometimes it is better to ask directly.
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