My female friend was complaining to me the other day.
She was sitting there, texting on her phone, super frustrated.
She had been texting this guy every day for weeks…
Laughing and flirting over text and everything.
And then out of nowhere…
BOOM.
His energy changed.
So what did she do?
She chased him harder.
Texted him more.
Put more effort into it.
Made herself SUPER available.
Boy, did that NOT work.
Turns out, there’s this thing most girls don’t get…
Attraction isn’t about putting in effort…
It’s about tension.
Curiosity.
Value.
Pulling away when you’ve shown you’re too available will ALWAYS spark more interest than “being nice” will.
Yet every single girl thinks more effort equals more interest.
If you want a guy to continually chase you, not just halfway try from time to time…
You need to know the science behind what you’re doing, not just copy forums of “what girls should do.”
Here it is.
How to Make a Guy Chase After You (10 Tips)
1. Take Away The “Rewards” For Low Effort
Most women accidentally do this to themselves.
Guy texts “hey”… You open up with your greatest intrigue.
Guy gives you a nibble… You open up with enthusiastic attention.
You’re behavioral conditioning him.
You’re teaching him he can have your attention whenever he wants it.
Without having to earn it.
But men have egos… they don’t have jobs.
Once a man knows you’ll be there regardless of his effort,
He WILL stop trying.
Test yourself:
If he gives X amount of effort → You give X amount of effort.
If he doubles his effort → You respond with warmth and attention.
That’s called behavioral conditioning.
We are hardwired to repeat behaviors that are rewarded.
Give rewards for laziness.
You’ll get laziness in return.
Read also: 10 Ways Real Love Feels Like
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2. Create Value By Becoming Emotionally “Unavailable”
Here’s the thing…
Nobody wants to chase down someone they know will say yes.
If he already knows that:
- You “like him a lot”
- You have tons of time for him
- You’re committed and not going anywhere
There’s no reason for him to pursue.
Create intrigue by unpredictability.
Be emotionally unavailable at times.
- Sometimes be busy.
- Other times you’re not.
- Respond sometimes fast. Other times drop the ball.
- Be warm but don’t loosen the reins.
This is called intermittent reinforcement.
(It’s the absolute BEST way to condition anyone to become addicted to you.)
It forces him to question what he has vs. what he could lose.
Read also: 10 Effective Emotional Resilience Activities
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3. Lead With Interest Instead Of Attachments
Listen…
The person who invests emotionally the most…
Loses all power in the relationship.
You become desperate.
You make excuses for their behavior.
You give more than you receive.
Don’t lead with your attachments.
- Don’t jump into listening to his problems.
- Avoid giving him advice.
- Be equal with the amount of interest you both show.
Leading with interest forces him to invest in you.
Not with his money…
But with his time, effort, emotions, and consistency.
Crazy how most girls skip past this step.
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4. Focus On Making Him Feel Instead Of Impressing Him
The number one mistake.
Trying to get someone to like you by…
Looking hot.
Talking the perfect things.
Trying to come off as likeable.
Attraction doesn’t work like that.
Instead try this…
“How does he feel when he’s around me?”
Let that be your focus.
Not your:
- Appearance
- Job
- Funny one-liners.
If a man feels good when he’s around you,
You can literally be $$%^& miserable and he won’t care.
He will want more of YOU.
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5. Create Space By Not Always Responding
I cannot stress this enough.
If you respond to every single text within 5 seconds of him messaging you…
You are boring the absolute F*** out of any attraction.
Building space = building intrigue.
Building intrigue = making him chase.
You don’t have to play the full-on “get lost for a week” game.
But ensure there is always a pause.
Let the conversation stop without you.
Don’t always be the one to restart it.
Make him want to come back to you because he missed you.
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6. Show Your Standards Through Actions, NOT Words
“I have standards”
Say that to me while rolling around in trash.
Words mean NOTHING.
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
He will test you.
Test how far he can push your boundaries.
If you allow him to.
Show up late?
You show up late right back.
Doesn’t give you his full attention?
You give him half yours.
Speak down to you?
You’ll talk down right back.
He will KNOW how much you will tolerate because of how you react.
Be clear with your energy.
If he crosses a line:
- Pull YOUR energy.
- Stop rewarding poor behavior.
- Walk away quietly.
That’s how you teach someone your standard.
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7. Let Him Fear Losing You
Ugh.
I know we don’t want to think about playing mind games…
But gentlemen love the idea that the woman they want could leave at any moment.
Once again…
It doesn’t mean threatening to leave.
It means allowing yourself to:
- Have other things going on.
- Be your own person.
- Maintain plenty of value he can’t give you.
When a man perceives you as so desirable that other people will try to pick you away…
His game changes.
Like really changes.
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8. Don’t Fall Into The Nice Girl Trap
Yes, be nice.
No, be a doormat.
“Nice girls” are forever trapped in this bogus fantasy that if they smile, laugh, and say “please” and “thank you” enough, a man will fall over himself to choose them.
Do you know what “nice girls” are best at?
Getting dumped.
Lack of confidence = lack of boundaries.
Smile politely when you mean fuck no.
Have an opinion, even if it’s different from his.
Be a bitch (not rude) if you feel like it.
No one will think you’re tough.
They’ll think you’re secure.
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9. Make Him WORK To Learn More About You
This ties back to rule number one.
If you give a man EVERYTHING:
Your past.
Your emotions.
Your feelings.
You become easy.
And like I said earlier,
Men are hardwired to pursue challenges.
They like working toward women.
Not having women handed to them on a platter.
Have small layers of your personality and backstory unfold over time.
You don’t need to text him your life story.
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10. Detach From The Need For Him To Chase You
Okay, this is the big mama JAMAAAAAA of them all.
If you look up every text to see how long he took to reply,
Stalk his social media every hour hoping he posted something about you,
Then you have a problem.
You’re emotionally invested.
And when you’re emotionally invested,
You do irrational shit.
You overthink.
You overgive.
You talk too much.
Attracting a man has nothing to do with doing whatever you can to get him to chase you.
It has everything to do with your ability to detach from needing him to chase you in the first place.
If you need someone to chase you…
You’ll spend your entire life chasing after people that lost interest.
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Conclusion
Pulling back and letting a man chase
Isn’t a list of complicated steps.
It’s knowing your value.
Scheduling your time.
Having a life you’re too busy enjoying to force someone to like you.
If you find yourself constantly having to “make” a man chase,
He’s probably not that into you.
When you have that mindset,
You become easy.
Available.
Someone to be fought for.
Stop being that girl.
Chasing not only damages the art of attraction,
But shows you have no life without him.
Live your life so fucking well that when he notices,
He’s already running.
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FAQ
How can I make a guy chase me without playing mind games?
Focus on your life. Mirror his effort. Create natural space.
Why does a guy lose interest when I show interest?
There’s no challenge. Mystery. He doesn’t feel like he has to try.
How long should I wait to reply to a guy?
There is no time limit. Stop focusing on the timing. Focus on not being too available.
What if he still doesn’t chase me?
Then he’s probably not that into you. Simple as that. If he needs to be chasin’, hell naw, he ain’t worth it.
Is confidence enough to get a guy to chase me?
Confidence is only half the equation. You need confidence + boundaries + emotional stability + a life you enjoy.
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