Forgiveness don’t happen fast. I used to think it meant simply saying, “It’s alright” and moving on. But soon I realized it was much deeper. Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting, and it doesn’t mean the pain wasn’t real. It’s about breaking the grip that pain has on you. And the hardest part? Sometimes you have to forgive even when the other person never says “I’m sorry.”
Over time, I learned that forgiveness is a gift to you as much as to the other person. It clears your heart, lifts your spirit, and frees you from being chained to the past. If you’ve been holding on to something you think you can’t let go of, here’s what I’ve learned—five ways to truly forgive, not just in words, but in your heart.
5 Tips on How to Truly Forgive Someone
1. Understand What Forgiveness Really Means
To forgive, you must know exactly what it is—and what it’s not. Many think forgiveness means pretending nothing bad happened. It doesn’t. You’re not asked to forget or justify what was done. Forgiveness is deciding not to carry the burden of resentment any longer.
You may still remember what happened, but it won’t control how you react each time the memory comes. Some people think forgiveness is weakness, but it’s actually one of your greatest strengths. It’s brave to face the pain and still choose to release it.
Research shows that forgiveness can benefit both mind and body. According to the American Psychological Association, people who forgive experience less anxiety, stress, and depression, have better relationships, and even enjoy improved immune function.
When you remember this, forgiveness becomes less about giving someone a free pass and more about reclaiming your own peace. You can’t control what happened, but you can control how it shapes your future.
Read also: How to Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry – 7 Guides
2. Acknowledge and Release Your Emotions
You can’t forgive if you’re burying your feelings. Pretending you’re not hurt only makes the pain grow in the hidden corners of your mind. Allow yourself to feel what you feel—anger, sadness, disappointment—without guilt. These emotions are normal and healthy.
Forgiveness often begins by processing those emotions. It’s uncomfortable because it forces you to revisit the pain, but avoiding it leaves you stuck. Sometimes we hold onto anger thinking it will protect us, but in truth, it costs us far more than it costs the person we’re angry with.
You might process your emotions by talking to a trusted friend, writing them down, or simply sitting with them and noticing them without judgment. Acknowledging what you feel helps you understand why the pain matters to you, which makes it easier to release it.
Remember—releasing doesn’t mean the pain never happened. It just means it no longer gets to control your present or your future.
Read also: How to Forget Bad Memories – 5 Tips
3. See the Person Beyond the Wrong
One of the hardest parts of forgiveness is separating the person from the action. When someone hurts you, it’s easy to see them only through the lens of that moment. Forgiveness requires you to view them as a whole human being, not just the act that caused the harm.
This doesn’t mean excusing their behavior or pretending they weren’t wrong. It simply means recognizing that people are complex. They may act from their own pain, fear, ignorance, or weakness. Sometimes malice plays a role, but often it’s more complicated.
You may never speak to that person again, but seeing them as flawed rather than as a villain can loosen resentment’s grip. The Mayo Clinic notes that empathy—standing in someone else’s shoes—can make forgiveness more possible. You don’t have to reconcile, but understanding their humanity can open the door to your own peace.
Read also: 10 Effective Emotional Resilience Activities
4. Forgive Without Waiting for an Apology
One of the biggest blocks to forgiveness is waiting for the other person to admit they were wrong. You might think, “I can’t forgive them until they apologize.” But what if that apology never comes? What if they deny what they did?
When your ability to forgive depends on their actions, you hand them control over your healing. Real forgiveness means letting go whether or not they ever acknowledge the hurt. This doesn’t mean reconciliation is unimportant—it just means your peace isn’t dependent on it.
A study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that people who practice unconditional forgiveness—letting go without requiring an apology—experience lower stress and better mental health. By forgiving unconditionally, you take back control of your emotional well-being.
5. Keep Choosing to Move Forward
Even after you decide to forgive, the pain may return through memories or triggers. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event—it’s a choice you make again and again.
You may still remember what happened, but you no longer feed on resentment or anger. Instead, you focus on what you want your future to be. This commitment to moving forward makes space for joy, trust, and new experiences.
Some days will be easier than others. But each time you choose to let go, you clear another path toward a lighter, freer life.
Final Thoughts
Forgiveness is a process, not a moment. Over time, the grip of pain loosens until one day it no longer has power over you. Forgiving doesn’t mean what happened was okay, and it doesn’t mean you must let that person back into your life. It means you’re choosing your own peace over your anger.
By forgiving, you make room for growth, clarity, and a future unshaped by old wounds. It takes strength, patience, and time, but the reward is a lighter heart and a freer mind.
When forgiveness feels impossible, remember this—it’s a gift you give to others, but it’s also one you give to yourself. And it’s a gift you truly deserve.
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