I was talking with someone recently about relationships. At some point, we touched on the concept of spending time together. She told me that she and her boyfriend were constantly doing things together but felt like they just weren’t growing closer.
They went to movies, ate dinner, texted all day, and saw each other frequently. Everything seemed fine when she listed it out like that.
The more we talked, though, the problem became apparent. They spent a lot of time together but weren’t necessarily connecting. You can sit beside someone for hours on end and completely avoid the conversations and experiences that bring you closer together.
Here’s the thing to remember about that: Just spending time together isn’t always going to improve your relationship.
You don’t have to go out of your way to plan extravagant dates or craft romantic gestures every chance you get. Instead, you simply need to do things with your boyfriend that allow you two to have fun, communicate, make memories, handle life’s challenges together, and discover who you are when you’re not trying to impress each other.
If you want to know what you really need to do with your boyfriend to make your relationship stronger, keep reading. These six things will help you build a relationship that feels fulfilling and lasting, even on the tough days.
10 Things You Need to Do With Your Boyfriend
1. Have a Real Conversation About Your Future
One of the most important things you can do for your boyfriend is talk about your relationship.
You don’t need to sit down and have an intense marriage counseling session about finances, babies, and where you see yourselves in 10 years. However, you should be able to talk about your relationship without holding back or feeling uncomfortable with what you want to say.
Talk to each other about what you truly want out of life. Your careers, where you want to live, family values, finances, lifestyle, and more. You might find that you have more in common than you thought or that there are areas you don’t see eye to eye on that are worth discussing.
Communication is key in a relationship. Sure, you can enjoy each other’s company on a date night, but you also need to be able to communicate about the future. You should feel comfortable telling your boyfriend what you want and feeling heard without pretending to be someone else just to make him happy.
Don’t Force Agreement
Just because you and your boyfriend have discussed the future doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything right now.
People can be different and still love and respect each other. However, you should know whether your goals and expectations are incompatible or can be worked around.
For instance, if you want children one day but he does not, don’t just ignore that. There’s a reason your boyfriend needs to be someone you can be honest with.
When you can tell each other the truth, even if you don’t want the same thing, you can decide what those truths mean for your relationship.
Read also: 60 Serious Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship
2. Take a Trip (or Create an Adventure) Together
This doesn’t mean you have to fly across the world to a 5 star hotel. Taking a weekend trip, road trip, day trip, or even visiting a place close by that you both haven’t been to can change the dynamic of your relationship.
Traveling allows you both to see new sides of each other that you might not experience while on your typical date nights. It also teaches you how you two deal with new things and challenges.
Taking trips with your boyfriend is about more than just having fun. Sure, that’s important, but when you experience new things together, you create memories that you’ll have for the rest of your relationship.
Focus on the Experience, Not the Price Tag
You don’t need to spend a lot of money in order to have a worthwhile adventure with your boyfriend.
Drive to a town you’ve both never visited, visit a museum, go hiking, have a picnic somewhere you’ve never been, go to the beach, or take a last minute road trip with no real agenda.
Sometimes the best memories come from your ability to step out of your normal lives.
You might not remember every restaurant you went to on your trip, but you will probably remember that weird thing that happened on your road trip or that heart to heart you had while laying in a field neither of you had ever been to before.
Read also: 16 Romantic Cozy Fall Activities With Your Boyfriend This Autumn
3. Spend a Day Doing Nothing Out of the Ordinary Together
Yep, you read that right. Try spending an entire day with your boyfriend and just doing normal, everyday things.
Go grocery shopping, make lunch, clean the house, run errands, watch a movie at night, take a walk, or just lay around and relax for a while. Why is this important?
Well, as cliche as it sounds, you’ll have days like this when you’re together forever. You shouldn’t base your entire relationship on date nights, trips, and gifts.
There will be chores, schedules, stressful days at work, bills, and more. If you can’t have fun and relax with your boyfriend when you’re just lounging around at home, then that might be a problem later.
Being able to connect with your boyfriend on an ordinary day shows that you can learn to be intimate with him no matter what you’re doing.
Notice How Comfortable You Are With Him
Notice how you feel around your boyfriend when you two are just hanging out. Can you relax around him and be comfortable without saying very much? Can you have a lazy morning together without feeling like you need to plan a bunch of activities?
One of the healthiest signs of any relationship is being able to do absolutely nothing together and still have a good time.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to entertain your boyfriend every second you spend with him. There is something so beautiful about reaching a point in your relationship where you can just exist together.
You can joke around, make conversation, eat meals, work on your own projects, and even sit in comfortable silence and still feel connected to each other.
Read also: 16 Fun Challenges to Do With Your Long-Distance Boyfriend to Feel Closer
4. Have Fun Without Trying to Make Every Second Count
All relationships need to have serious conversations, but they also need to have fun.
Make sure you do things with your boyfriend that allow the both of you to feel like kids again. Play board games, try that goofy Pinterest recipe, sing off key together, go bowling, or compete against each other in some silly contest.
Take goofy pictures and laugh about them later. Create inside jokes with weird stories that only you two will understand.
It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you let yourselves have fun and be goofy in the process.
When you focus too much on problems and responsibilities, you can forget why you enjoy being around your boyfriend in the first place.
Yes, you should make the most of the good times you have together. But you shouldn’t feel like every minute you spend with your boyfriend needs to revolve around your relationship.
Make Inside Jokes
Some of the best relationship moments will seem silly as all heck.
You’ll spend years remembering that ridiculous thing your boyfriend did on your first date. You’ll tell stories about something that happened in the past and suddenly both of you start giggling for no reason.
You might even refer to each other with funny nicknames that only you understand.
Having these types of memories with your boyfriend creates a little world that you both understand. To others it may seem meaningless, but those moments build a friendship within your relationship.
Friendship is important. You should be able to love your boyfriend and enjoy being around him.
5. Talk About the Not So Fun Stuff
There’s a lot of advice out there that tells you to always stay positive and avoid arguments with your boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, staying positive can be great…but you also shouldn’t ignore hard conversations.
Sit down with each other and talk about the stuff you typically avoid because it may cause arguments.
Money. Boundaries. Jealousy. Family. Friends of the opposite sex. Personal space. Social media. Arguing in general. Intimacy. Insecurities. Commitment.
You get the idea.
Don’t have this conversation all in one day unless you feel comfortable doing so. Instead, allow each other to bring up the things that you know might be difficult for the other person to hear.
A relationship is not healthy if you and your boyfriend avoid having tough conversations.
Sure, your relationship may not have any arguments, but that just means both of you are scared to rock the boat. Eventually, something will come up that forces you to have hard conversations.
You might as well practice having them early on.
6. Create a Memory That Is Just Yours
Every relationship should have things that are special just to you and your boyfriend.
It could be an annual trip you take together or photos you take in the same spot every year on your birthday. You could make a fancy meal together once a month or plan a date night where you both turn off your phones and spend the whole night together.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this.
What you want to happen is to create small traditions that remind you both that your relationship has a history. Memories, even small ones, will build your relationship’s identity.
Make Memories You’ll Remember in 10 Years
When you look back on your relationship in 5 or 10 years, what do you want to remember?
You probably won’t remember every text you sent each other or every meal you made together. You will remember how you made each other feel when you were together.
Make sure you make your boyfriend feel special when you’re together. Take pictures, write things down, keep souvenirs from trips, celebrate small accomplishments, and try to surprise each other every once in a while.
Creating a better relationship doesn’t mean you have to craft perfect memories. Instead, just stay present enough to recognize the good ones when they happen.
7. Learn to Function as a Team
When you first start dating someone, you think about yourself and your boyfriend. When you become official, you should start thinking about you, him, and we.
Sure, you should both maintain your own independence when you’re together. But you also need to learn how to work together if you want your relationship to last.
Try planning out a trip or working towards a common goal together. Save up for something you both want, finish a project, plan an event, or cook an elaborate meal.
Relationships become stronger when you and your boyfriend learn to work together.
Support Each Other’s Goals
Just because you become a team doesn’t mean you and your boyfriend have to want the same things.
If you have an ambitious career goal or hobby that you’re passionate about, your boyfriend should be able to support you without feeling insecure. The same should go for him as well.
Healthy relationships allow both partners to grow as individuals. You should be able to look at your boyfriend and say, “I want you to succeed,” and mean it wholeheartedly.
8. Make Time for Intimacy (Both Emotional & Physical)
Intimacy isn’t just about sex.
It can be as simple as holding hands on a walk, giving each other a hug a little longer than usual, sitting too close to each other on the couch, kissing for a few minutes rather than seconds, having heart to hearts, or just making each other feel safe.
When your lives start filling up with work, responsibilities, phones, families, and stress, you may forget to make time for intimacy with your boyfriend.
That’s why it’s important to be intentional about keeping the romantic part of your relationship alive.
Talk to Each Other About It
Your boyfriend isn’t a mind reader.
Let him know what you like and what makes you feel close to him. If you love physical contact, tell him. If you’re glad he texted you just to say good morning, tell him.
And ask him the same questions.
Learning your love languages can help couples understand each other on an emotional level. That being said, love languages aren’t set in stone. Humans are too unpredictable for that.
When you know how to keep your boyfriend feeling loved, you’ll notice your relationship will seem stronger.
9. Give Each Other Space to Grow as Individuals
Contrary to what you just read in number 10, you and your boyfriend need to spend time apart.
Relationships are great, but you’re not glued to each other at all times. You both need space to grow as individuals.
Support each other in maintaining hobbies, friendships, and personal interests outside of your relationship. If he wants to spend an evening with the guys and play some video games, don’t assume he’s cheating if he goes.
Some of the best things you can share with your boyfriend come from having experiences you had on your own.
10. Check In With Each Other
One of the simplest things you can do for your boyfriend is to occasionally ask how your relationship is going.
This isn’t something you should do when you’re mad at each other or right after your boyfriend did something that hurt your feelings. When you’re both relaxed and having a good day, ask how he feels about your relationship.
“How have you been feeling about us?”
“Is there anything you wish we did more often?”
“Is there anything you don’t like that I’ve been doing?”
“What do you think we do well?”
“What can I do to make our relationship stronger?”
These questions can help you identify potential problems before they turn into big issues.
Grow With Your Boyfriend
Relationships grow and change as you grow and change.
What worked for you two months ago may not work years down the road. Maybe your schedules change or your priorities. Perhaps your jobs or schools change or you just become more serious about your relationship.
Just because things have to change doesn’t mean there is a problem.
Your relationship will grow if you two make sure to check in with each other once in a while.
Conclusion
There isn’t a magical thing you can do with your boyfriend that will automatically fix your relationship.
But there are certain activities that can help you learn if you and your boyfriend will build anything worth fighting for.
Have the hard conversations, go on adventures, learn to enjoy normal days, have fun, make each other laugh, create relationship only memories, learn to work as a team, keep the romance alive, grow as individuals, and communicate with each other.
Just remember that you don’t have to be perfect at showing your boyfriend you care.
One of the best parts about learning how to build a strong relationship with your boyfriend is getting to know him along the way. Don’t look at this list and expect to jump from number one to ten overnight.
Building a strong relationship with your boyfriend means building something with a human being, not a checklist.
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