“My friends who date long-distance always seem miserable. I don’t know how you guys do it. Like you’re basically dating a computer.”
One day, my significant other casually dropped this truth-bomb while we were studying at my apartment. I rolled my eyes at first, thinking it was one of her “humblebraggy” comments.
Boy was I wrong.
The longer I observed couples in long-distance relationships (LDR), the more I realized she was onto something.
Long distance is hard.
It takes patience, trust, and a strong understanding of psychological principles that allow relationships to survive when you’re emotionally absent.
How can you build attraction? Maintain intimacy? Meet expectations? Create trust?
It’s no walk in the park when you can’t cuddle up on the couch with your boo anytime you both are free.
If you struggle with staying connected or experience constant anxiety in your long-distance relationship, then these psychology-backed tips will help you overcome distance and create a stronger relationship today.
12 Long Distance Relationship Psychology Tips
1. Communicate Effectively
Communicating effectively means listening and understanding your partner’s needs, feelings, and boundaries.
Whether you’re expressing your needs or discussing the future, taking the time to have conversations will make you feel closer and more connected.
- Don’t assume they know how you feel.
- Be transparent about your emotions.
- Have the hard conversations, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Remember: consistent communication lessens uncertainty. The unknown elements of an LDR are what cause most psychological stress.
2. Set Your Expectations Early On
Talking about expectations can feel mundane or unnecessary, but trust me… you’ll thank me later.
Figuring out the details of your relationship early on prevents confusion and resentment down the road.
- How many times a day/week will you guys talk?
- What are you both comfortable with when life gets hard?
- Will you stay friends if things don’t work out?
Setting relationship expectations allows you to meet your partner’s cognitive needs and keep each other from experiencing unwanted anxiety.
Read also: 35 Easter Messages for Boyfriend
3. Establish Trust
There’s no trusting someone completely until you’ve had the chance to physically spend time with them.
But that doesn’t mean you two can’t establish trust from afar.
Check in with each other frequently. Be open about your daily routines, even if it seems minor.
The more comfortable you two are with sharing, the less jealous thoughts will creep in.
Trust is all about emotional security, something that’s vital when you’re in a a long-distance relationship.
4. Learn How to Self-Regulate
Loneliness, frustration, and resentment are all normal emotions you’ll experience during an LDR.
It’s important to learn how to properly self-regulate when these situations come up.
Notice when you’re feeling a strong emotion and actually name it.
- Am I feeling lonely?
- Why am I feeling anxious?
- Is my partner doing this on purpose?
By learning how to self-regulate, you’re building stronger emotional resilience, which will allow you to tackle any problem head-on.
5. Know Your Communication Methods
Texting, phone calls, FaceTime, social media… these are all useful tools for LDRs.
But did you know not all types of digital communication are created equal?
FaceTime allows you to see visual cues and hear their voice, which creates a stronger sense of auditory and visual intimacy.
Whereas texting can be playful and supportive but sometimes misconstrued.
Try sending your partner photos, voice notes, or quick videos when you’re able.
Communicating in various ways can help you feel more emotionally connected despite your physical location.
6. Stay Romantic
Being in a long-distance relationship can cause you to forget how to be romantic.
Take initiative by sending your partner little gifts, love letters, or planning virtual dates.
You can even celebrate birthdays or milestones with virtual gifts or surprises.
Surprising your partner and staying romantic will keep you both feeling psychologically close, even when you’re far away.
7. Be Patient and Tolerant
“Why can’t you just understand what I’m saying?!”
We’ve all said something along those lines during an argument.
Arguments in long-distance relationships are hard—especially because you two aren’t able to physically talk things out like you normally would.
Learning how to be patient and tolerant with your S.O. will allow you to both feel comfortable expressing yourselves.
Reacting harshly out of anger or frustration can cause you to ruin the moment and make your partner feel unheard.
8. Have Lives Outside of Your Relationship
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or not, it’s important to keep up with hobbies, interests, and friends.
Having a fulfilling life will make you a better partner because you won’t feel dependent on your S.O. to make you happy.
Pursue things that make YOU happy.
Celebrate your accomplishments whether your S.O. is around or not.
9. Practice Positive Visualization
Visualization can help you feel closer to your partner when you’re feeling sad or distant.
Take the time to visualize things you two will do together in the future, or visualize your next visit.
By focusing on the positive mindset, you will feel more attached and hopeful about your relationship.
10. Learn How to Fight Fair
Fight. Make up. Repeat.
Sounds familiar?
I know it did for me and my S.O.
Every relationship encounters conflict.
Learning how to communicate during these times will prevent you from arguing over petty things.
Trying to fight through text will only increase tension, so try speaking to each other through calls or video chats.
You know your partner best, so figure out what works for you both and what doesn’t.
Learning how to manage conflict provides your relationship with long-term stability.
11. Celebrate the Little Things
Taking the time to celebrate small accomplishments can make a world of difference.
Had a great conversation with your S.O.? Celebrate that sh*t.
Finished a project at work that you’ve been putting off? Celebrate that sh*t.
Write down things that you’re grateful for or small victories that you’ve experienced that day.
Training your brain to acknowledge the positive will help you enjoy the present moment and build gratitude.
12. Stay Aligned
When you spend a majority of your time with someone, it’s easy to stay on the same page.
However, with LDRs, it’s important to check in with each other.
Make sure you and your partner are on the same emotional wavelength.
Are you both meeting each other’s needs? Personal? Practical?
Alignment helps you and your partner stay committed to your relationship.
Wrap Up
Long distance sucks. But it doesn’t have to.
Long-distance relationships are complex, but they’re manageable if you’re both intentional about staying connected.
Understanding your relationship through a psychological lens can allow you to feel closer than you ever have before.
The happiest couples in long-distance relationships aren’t the ones who text all day or spend hours on the phone.
They’re the ones that take the time to understand their emotions, grow as individuals, and learn how to be patient with one another through the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship.
Thank you for reading!
I hope you learned something new and can apply these psychological tips to your relationship.
You got this!
Frequently Asked Questions
How often should we talk in a long-distance relationship?
Honestly? As much as you both can! You guys should figure out a schedule that works for both of your routines and stick to it.
As long as you’re having consistent quality conversations, you’ll be just fine.
Are long-distance relationships even worth it?
Yes! As long as you and your S.O. are willing to put in the work and stay connected, your relationship can thrive being long-distance.
What are some challenges of long-distance relationships?
Loneliness, trust, and communication.
Just like any relationship on Earth, you’ll experience challenges.
The key is to be mindful and address them head-on.
How can I be intimate with my S.O. from far away?
Video call them, stay cute for their face, send them voice notes, Snapchat them random things throughout your day, or even send them handwritten letters.
Anything that will allow you two to feel intimate from a distance.
Is jealousy normal in long-distance relationships?
Absolutely.
While being apart is hard, trusting your S.O. and staying confident will help ease jealous thoughts.
If you find yourself constantly worrying, try scheduling more time for your significant other or confide in each other about your feelings.
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