I was sitting at a coffee shop a few years back and people watching like I often do. Couples everywhere. Couples laughing. Holding hands. Sitting quietly.
I noticed that there were certain girls who really caught men’s attention. They weren’t necessarily wearing sexy outfits or heavy make-up. In fact, they seemed “normal.”
But there was something about them. Some sort of vibe. Presence. Whatever you want to call it.
I wondered to myself, “What do men really want in a woman?”
I’ve spent years talking to men, watching couples, and connecting the dots.
I’ve seen what men actually respond to when it comes to women.
Some of it is what you might expect, but other things guys want in a woman may surprise you.
None of these tips are game-playing advice. You’ll learn real, actionable things you can implement into your life.
Whether you’re casually dating, wanting a long-term boyfriend, or just wondering what men find attractive in women, there’s always something to learn about relationships that can help them go more smoothly, become more enjoyable, and lead to a deeper connection.
9 Things Men Really Want In A Woman
1. Confidence That Radiates From Within
Confidence is probably one of the most attractive qualities in a woman. When a woman walks into a room with confidence, it draws people to her like a magnet.
Why?
Because you instantly know that she respects and values herself.
Anyone who knows how to love themselves is amazing in my book.
Not only will men notice when you exude confidence, but you’ll naturally do things that portray confidence without even thinking about it.
- You’ll maintain eye contact during conversations.
- You’ll speak your mind and share your opinion.
- You won’t seek approval from everyone you hang out with because YOU’RE confident in your choices and decisions.
Men can tell when you love and accept yourself. It’s sexy. And it’s easy.
Bonus: A confident woman also doesn’t allow men to disrespect her. We live in a society full of players and disrespect. If you know your worth, men will instinctively respect that.
Want to gain confidence? Work on loving yourself a little more each day. Take small risks that challenge you to step outside your comfort zone.
Read also: 45 Confidence-Building Journaling Prompts
2. Being Real
No one likes fake people. And guess what? Men can smell fake from a mile away.
The best thing you can be around a man is yourself.
Men love a woman who doesn’t try to be someone she’s not just to please others.
When you are real, you allow him to feel comfortable around you.
You two can talk about anything because you aren’t judging each other.
You share your opinion and aren’t afraid to tell him how you feel.
Real women also have lives outside of the relationship.
They have hobbies, interests, and passions they enjoy.
Pretending to be someone you’re not will only drive a man away because the real you is still trapped inside, dying to come out.
Read also: 10 Ways Real Love Feels Like
3. A Sense of Humor That Clicks
Men LOVE a woman who can make them laugh.
I don’t care if you’re not the funniest person alive. If you can laugh at life and silly things, you’ve already won him over.
Laughter is one of the easiest ways to connect with a man.
You don’t have to go out and buy him tickets to a comedy show. Simply watching movies, looking for things to laugh about, and teasing your man is all it takes.
Lighten up and remember that life isn’t always serious.
Read also: 9 Barriers to a Happy Life You Can Overcome
4. Emotional Intelligence
Men are very attracted to women who have high emotional intelligence50 Emotional Intelligence Tips You Can Try.
They like women who know how to properly handle their emotions and are good at communicating when they feel upset or hurt.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean you allow him to run all over you.
It means you both know how to communicate and fight in a respectful manner.
You know how to express your emotions in a healthy way, and he knows how to do the same.
Learning to control your emotions and communicate effectively will not only benefit your relationship, but it will teach you how to control your emotions in other areas of your life.
5. Physical Attraction
Men notice everything about a woman when they’re around her.
From the way she walks to the way she talks.
Believe it or not, your appearance does matter.
If you’re not taking care of your body by eating healthy and working out, he’ll notice.
If you look sloppy when you don’t have to, he’ll notice.
The smallest details mean a lot to men.
When you pride yourself on your appearance, carry yourself with confidence, and wear clothes that fit you well, you’re sending signals to him that you respect and love yourself.
6. Independence and Ambition
Every man out there wants a woman who has goals and ambition.
They want a woman who has her life together.
Or at least is working on bettering herself every day.
If a man sees that you’re independent and can take care of yourself, he’ll be more attracted to you.
You become this cute, little human that he wants to take home, not this woman who he feels will tear his life apart.
Independence means you can make your own decisions. You don’t have to rely on your man for everything.
You have your own life, friends, and hobbies that you enjoy.
7. Kindness
There’s never been a time or place where men didn’t care about how a woman treated other people.
You’d be surprised how many times I hear women complain about their boyfriend cheating or dying over some random dude that “flirted” with them.
Yes, men are visual creatures… but they also appreciate a woman who is kind to others.
If you show kindness to everyone around you, he will instinctively feel that you’d be kind to him as well.
There are subtle ways to show kindness without going overboard.
- Listening when your friend needs to talk
- Saying please and thank you
- Being mindful of others’ feelings
Show kindness to everyone and watch how many men gravitate towards you.
8. Playfulness
Men like to feel like they can have fun with you.
You don’t have to take life too seriously all the time.
Having a playful personality is very attractive to men.
You don’t need to plan a 3-day weekend every time you hang out with your boyfriend.
It could be as simple as trying something new, flirting with him, or finding reasons to laugh with each other.
Show him that you know how to have fun and he’ll fall hard for you.
Life is too short to be serious 24/7.
9. Support
As I mentioned earlier, men love independent women.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to support his dreams and goals.
There’s a huge difference between supportive and smothering.
If you can cheer him on while allowing him to live his life, you’ll become the one woman he wants to spend his life with.
Another form of support is being “that girl” that helps him calm down when he’s stressed.
Men love when their woman can help them clear their head. If you can provide that for him, you’ll be his forever girlfriend in no time.
10. Sexual Chemistry and Intimacy
Men want sex.
A lot.
If you’re able to provide for him and satisfy him in the bedroom, he will adore you.
I know what you’re thinking:
“Why does sex have to be a thing guys always want?”
Simple.
If you two have a healthy sex life, your relationship will be healthy.
You two will feel more connected.
You’ll be more open to expressing your feelings.
You trust each other more.
All of these things lead to good sexual chemistry.
Sex is important in a relationship.
Conclusion
Men want confidence, authenticity, emotional intelligence, independence, humor, kindness, physical attraction, playfulness, support, and sex.
If you focus on bettering yourself in these areas, you won’t just attract the right man.
You’ll KEEP the right man.
Remember, this doesn’t mean you have to change who you are as a person.
It means you work on improving the woman you already are.
FAQ
Q: Won’t men notice if I’m being myself around them?
A: Personality always wins over looks. Yes, men are visual, but if you’re ugly on the inside, they will eventually realize it and no longer be attracted to you.
Q: What if I’m a shy person? Will men still be attracted to me?
A: Of course! Shyness isn’t ugly. As long as you’re yourself and embrace your authenticity, men will find you attractive.
Q: Is being independent really that important?
A: When I said men want an independent woman, I meant you should have goals and ambitions of your own.
You shouldn’t need your man for everything! Have a career or hobby that you enjoy doing.
Q: Does sense of humor really matter that much?
A: Yes and no. Of course, having a sense of humor will allow you to connect with your man on a deeper level.
But if the person you like doesn’t have one, it’s not the end of the world.
Finding things to laugh about with your significant other is important.
Q: How can I become more emotionally intelligent?
A: It takes time to learn how to properly control your emotions.
The best way to improve is by practicing self-awareness, becoming a better listener, and learning how to empathize with others.
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