Betrayal feels intense. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed by a friend, family member, coworker, or significant other. Whatever the case may be, betrayal hurts because someone you trusted didn’t do what you expected them to.
You may feel like you can’t trust anyone ever again. When someone betrays you, they break your trust and loyalty.
15 Ways to Heal from Betrayal and Move On with Your Life
1. Let Yourself Feel
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise when you think about what happened. You may feel angry, sad, disappointed, numb, frustrated, confused, anxious, or even happy. There is no right or wrong way to feel when someone betrays you, and your feelings are valid.
Allowing yourself to feel means accepting how you feel about the betrayal and understanding that it hurts. You’re hurting because someone you loved and trusted deeply wounded you.
Journaling your feelings is a great way to express how you feel about the situation. You can write about what you felt when you found out they betrayed you, how your relationship with them used to be, and how you want things to be in the future.
Read: 10 Effective Coping Skills for Managing Tough Emotions
2. Talk to Someone You Trust
Talking to someone about your feelings can help you process them. Find someone you trust, like a friend or family member, and tell them how you feel.
Talking about your feelings of betrayal will help you feel less alone. You never have to feel alone when you are hurt, trust me. Someone will always be there to support you and help you through your feelings.
You can start by saying, “I feel hurt because…” and continue telling them everything that’s on your mind. “I” statements are great when talking about your feelings because you’re not directly blaming the other person.
As you talk about your feelings, you’re releasing them. Letting yourself feel your emotions is very important when it comes to moving on from things that hurt you.
Talking about your feelings can also bring emotional clarity. Once you know how you feel about the situation, you’ll know what you will and won’t accept in the future.
3. Write it Down
Writing down how you feel is similar to talking about your feelings. When you write down how you feel, you allow yourself to be vulnerable about the situation that hurt you.
You can start a journal and write about your feelings daily. Write about how you felt when you found out they betrayed you, how you feel about them now, and anything else that’s on your mind.
You can even write them a letter, whether you plan on sending it or not. Write them everything you want to say and how you felt when they betrayed you. Writing letters can help you vent out all your emotions.
You don’t have to worry about your grammar or how your words flow; just let everything you want to say come out. Writing can help you understand your anger, sadness, and confusion.
You can even write about what you want in the future or what you want for yourself.
4. Practice Self-Care
When something hurts you, it’s important to take care of yourself. You should do things that will make you feel good and help you regain your normal mood.
Here are some things you can do to practice self-care:
- Spend time doing things you love
- Take a relaxing bubble bath
- Go for a walk
Self-care is important because it allows you to feel your feelings and not feel bad about them. You shouldn’t be mad at yourself for feeling sad about something that hurt you.
Read: 15 Simple Self-Care Ideas to Make Your Sunday Awesome
5. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries after someone betrays you is important because you know what you will and won’t allow. Our boundaries are like guidelines for ourselves and others.
You know what you will accept from others and what you won’t tolerate. Stand firm on your boundaries because you have every right to them.
You can start by figuring out how you feel about the situation and what threatens you. Once you know what you need from the situation, speak to that person calmly.
You can tell them how you feel using “I” statements like, “I feel hurt when you…” This allows you to say how you feel without yelling at them.
If they continue to disrespect what you say, let them know you’re done talking and walk away.
Read also: How to Make Boundaries – 10 Steps
6. Find Closure
Closure is something we all need when something hurts us. Closure will allow you to accept that something happened and you can still move forward.
You will never forget that they betrayed you, but you will accept that it happened, and it’s a part of your life story.
You can find closure by talking to that person or journaling about your feelings. You can tell that person how you feel, ask questions, and get any answers you need.
You can do this face to face, over the phone, or even write them a letter if that’s easier for you. Just know that the closure you get from them may not be what you want, but it’s something.
7. Focus on the Positive
Focusing on the positive things in your life will help you heal. You can start by writing down three things you’re grateful for every day. They can be small things like I’m grateful for hot coffee in the morning, or I’m grateful for my coworkers.
By doing this, you are training your brain to find the positive things in your life. Once you start focusing on the positive things, you’ll start to see more and more positive things in your life.
You should also do things that will make you happy, whether it’s doing a hobby you love, going outside, or practicing meditation. Doing things that make you happy will remind you there is still good in the world.
Try to always look for the good in every situation. Your life doesn’t have to define itself by someone who betrayed you. Maybe you can learn something from what happened and grow as a person.
We can always learn from our mistakes and become better people. Be kind to yourself during this process and allow yourself to understand that you deserve good things.
8. Look Towards The Future
Nothing good comes from dwelling on something that happened in the past. Instead of focusing on how much someone betrayed you, think about what you want in the future.
You should start making goals for yourself. What do you want to accomplish? Think about small goals you can achieve now and long-term goals you want to achieve.
Having goals will help guide you while your life feels like it’s in chaos. Remember your goals don’t have to be big; they can be as small as wanting to read that book you’ve had on your shelf for years.
Make yourself do things that will take your mind off of what hurt you. You will start to feel better when you focus on what you want for your future instead of what got taken from you.
Read Also: 20 Achievable Goals to Help You Grow and Improve
9. Embrace Mindfulness
Mindfulness allows you to focus on the present moment instead of painful memories of what happened. When something hurts you, you will have unwanted emotions that pop up.
By practicing mindfulness, you will be able to control these emotions and let them go. You can do this by meditating, doing breathing exercises, and body scans.
Take 10 minutes a day to clear your mind. You can start by doing 10 minutes of focused breathing by focusing on your inhales and exhales.
You can even download a free meditation app to help guide you through meditation. Once you practice mindfulness, you will learn how to let go of unwanted thoughts.
10. Better Yourself
Allow something that hurt you to better you as a person. Take your energy and focus on bettering yourself.
Learn a new hobby, work on your fitness goals, and read self-help books. Not only will these things take your mind off of what hurt you, but it will empower you.
You can take a class to learn something new you’ve always wanted to learn, whether it be painting, coding, cooking, or public speaking.
Each time you complete that class, you’ll feel better about yourself and know you can do anything you put your mind to.
11. Avoid Rumination
Rumination is when you overthink something that happened. We tend to do this when something happens that we don’t know how to handle.
The next time you catch yourself ruminating, redirect your attention and do something else with your mind. You can journal about your feelings, go for a walk, or start a hobby.
Ask yourself if that thought is helping you or if it’s even true. Trying to retrain your brain will take time, but it will be worth it when you stop overthinking.
12. Reevaluate Your Relationships
Take some time to evaluate your relationships with others. Make a list of people who add value to your life and the ones who don’t.
It’s important to distance yourself from people who suck your energy or create toxic relationships with you.
Write down what you want in a relationship, whether it be trust, honesty, communication, or patience.
Any traits you’re looking for in a relationship you can use as guidelines when evaluating your relationships.
13. Find New Hobbies
Learning something new can help you find happiness again. Trying something new will allow you to step out of your comfort zone and do something for you.
Think about what you’re passionate about or what you value, and find hobbies that go along with that.
You can search online for local groups to help you get started.
14. Build Up Your Boundaries
Building up your boundaries will allow you to feel peace when something hurts you. Emotional boundaries are like guidelines you set for others and yourself.
You know what you will allow and won’t allow others to do. Spend some time figuring out what you will not tolerate and what you need from others.
Learn how to say no without feeling guilty. You should always put your emotional needs above anyone else’s needs.
Building up your boundaries will allow you to have healthier relationships in the future.
15. Allow Yourself to Hope
Allowing yourself to hope again is crucial when you’ve been hurt. Start by visualizing what you want your life to look like and the type of relationships you want.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel pain over something that hurt you, but you have to allow yourself to believe that everything will be okay.
Write down what you want in your life or things you want for yourself. I want to build trusting relationships with others. I will attract people who respect me and value me.”
Allowing yourself to hope allows you to take your power back. You are the only one who has the power to decide how you let things affect you.
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