I thought I was confident. I’d repeat the affirmations I heard, plaster a smile on my face, and pretend like I had it all together. But inside, I knew better. There was always a little voice in the back of my head pointing out everything I was doing wrong. I analyzed conversations I had hours ago. Obsessed over how I looked. Compared myself to others constantly.
Insecurity was like a cloud following me around. Sometimes silent. Sometimes yelling so loud it could ruin my entire day.
As I’ve grown, I’ve realized my insecurities almost never had anything to do with the world around me. They had everything to do with me. My story. My rules. My reaction when things didn’t go my way.
Insecurity is not your identity. You may have carried it for years, even decades. But you can trade insecurity for confidence. Not arrogance or fake pride. Real confidence. The kind rooted in reality and faith in yourself. If you’re sick of holding yourself back and feeling like you’ll never be enough, these 12 principles can help you throw insecurity out the window and start living like you.
1. Stop Trying to Please Everyone
The more you rely on others to accept you and like you, the more control they have over your mood and decisions. You can’t be confident if you size yourself up by other people’s opinions. Not everyone will understand you, agree with you, or like you. And that’s okay. Set your own standards for what success looks like and live up to them, regardless of whether someone else’s standards are being met.
Read: 45 Confidence-Building Journaling Prompts
2. Become Aware of the Voice in Your Head
Your insecurities live inside your mind. Listen to the things you say to yourself. If your inner voice spends all day convincing you that you’re not enough, it’s time to push back. Next time you have a negative thought, ask yourself: “Is this true? Or is my fear talking?”
Research on cognitive behavioral therapy has shown that verbally confronting your negative thoughts can help diminish their control over you.
3. Practice Trusting Yourself Every Day
Confidence comes from trusting yourself. And if you’ve lost that trust, you can build it back up one small action at a time. Make promises to yourself and keep them, even if they’re small. Do something that challenges you a little. Finish what you start. Put a little more effort into your work than you did yesterday. As you build up a catalog of moments that prove you can count on yourself, you’ll begin to feel confident for the right reasons.
Read: 5 Ways to Truly Enjoy Life
4. Stop Judging Yourself by Comparison
We are all insecure about something. And nothing breeds insecurity like comparison. With social media, we have the highest access to other peoples’ highlight reels we’ve ever had. Next time you find yourself comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, stop and ask yourself: “What is the next best action I can take for myself today?”
5. Practice Confident Body Language
Your body language sends signals to your brain. When you sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and hold eye contact, you look more confident. And according to a study by Harvard Business School, you will feel more confident.
Read: 10 Peaceful Life Goals
6. Competence Breeds Confidence
While confidence can help you feel like you can do something, competence actually lets you do it. Rather than trying to only feel good about what you do, get really good at something that matters to you. The more competent you become at a skill, the less room you’ll have for insecurity.
7. Stop Apologizing for Taking Up Space
If there’s one thing we should all apologize for, it’s being sorry when we don’t need to be. Sure, apologize when you screw up. But if you find yourself saying “sorry” for no reason, you may believe that you take up too much space. You don’t. You’re allowed to take up space in this room, and in other peoples’ lives.
8. Surround Yourself with People That Build You Up
When you’re around people who judge you, dismiss you, or put you down, insecurity will creep in. Stop inviting people over who make you feel anxious. And spend more time with people that lift you up and remind you how amazing you are—especially on the days you can’t seem to do it yourself.
9. Allow Yourself to Accept Compliments
One of the biggest tricks insecurity plays on you is telling you that you don’t deserve compliments. But every time you tell someone no thank you or agree with their criticism about yourself, you’re staying stuck. Work on accepting compliments by simply saying “thank you” and letting the compliment sink in. Your brain can learn to accept compliments too.
10. Honor Your Body
Did you know that your physical health impacts your mental wellness? When you get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and move your body, you’ll lower your anxiety and feel better overall. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, taking care of your body can have a huge impact on the way you feel. And when you start feeling good in your body, confidence will follow.
11. Stop Assuming the Worst Will Happen
A lot of our insecurities are based off of us assuming the worst will happen. People are going to laugh behind our backs. People are going to say no. People are going to judge me. What if they don’t? What if it goes well? Try allowing yourself to think about the positive possibilities, too.
12. Remind Yourself That You Are Enough
Right now, you are enough. Confidence doesn’t begin when you reach a goal weight. Confidence doesn’t begin when you make your ideal income. It begins the moment you realize you are enough, right where you’re at.
Conclusion
You won’t forget about your insecurity overnight. But you can learn to replace that nagging voice with constructive self-talk, action, and the choice to not let fear control your life. Practice these 12 principles daily and you’ll watch yourself transform from a state of lack into personal power. You never want to go back once you’ve tasted what life feels like without insecurity.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop caring what other people think of me?
Start by noticing when you’re measuring yourself by someone else’s approval, then redirect your focus back to your own standards for success.
What if my negative thoughts feel true?
When a negative thought shows up, ask yourself: “Is this true? Or is my fear talking?” and practice pushing back instead of automatically believing it.
How can I build confidence if I don’t trust myself right now?
Build it back one small action at a time by making promises to yourself and keeping them, even if they’re small.
Why does comparison make insecurity worse?
Comparison keeps your attention on someone else’s highlight reel instead of the next best action you can take for yourself today.
What’s one quick way to feel more confident right now?
Practice confident body language—sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, and hold eye contact.
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