How to Stop Being Condescending: 10 Tips

To be condescending means talking down to someone or acting like you believe you are better than them. Maybe you give someone a patronizing smile or scoff at their ideas. You might dumb things down so that you can explain them to others.

Humans are complicated creatures, and sometimes you don’t even realize that you are being condescending. But if you want to improve yourself and your relationships with others, it’s important to understand how you come across.

1. Signs You’re Being Condescending

Here are a few signs that you’re being condescending:

You speak to someone like they are a child, even if they are older than you.
You frequently interrupt people when they are talking.
You don’t seem to respect their opinions.

When you do these things, you put others on a different playing field than you are on. If you feel that you are better than everyone else, why would you want to hear what they have to say?

The problem with being condescending is that it makes people not want to talk to you. If you consistently talk down to your friends and family, they will grow tired of your behavior.

It’s not just bad etiquette—it affects your relationships!

2. Why You Should Stop Being So Condescending

As stated above, being condescending can harm your relationships. If you are condescending to your friends, they will stop wanting to be around you.

The same goes for co-workers. Not only will they grow to dislike you, but they may start judging you behind your back.

Communication is a two-way street. How you speak to others is how they will speak to you. If you are rude and condescending, people will walk all over you.

Not only will your friendships suffer, but your career can be affected as well. You don’t want to be known as the disrespectful person at work.

3. Tips to Stop Being So Condescending

Here are some tips to help you stop being so condescending:

1. Recognize Your Triggers

The first step to taking your condescending attitude is recognizing what triggers it. What situations or people make you feel like you need to look down at others?

Spend some time thinking about it. Is it during certain debates that you like to speak down to people? Does your condescending attitude come out more at work versus social outings with friends?

Identify what triggers you. Maybe you feel like you know more about a certain topic than your peers, which causes you to come off as pompous.

Once you have identified these situations, start thinking about how you act and what you say during these times. Acknowledging when you’re being condescending is the first step to bettering your behavior.

You can even start a journal specifically for this purpose. After you talk to someone, write down how you felt the conversation went.

Did you feel inferior? Was someone trying to one-up you? Write down as many details as you can about the situation and how you acted.

After some time, you will start to notice patterns. You may realize that you always act a certain way when you’re at work.

Or maybe you get insecure when speaking to people about your fitness journey. Figuring out your triggers will help you better recognize when you’re being condescending.

You can also ask a friend or family member for help. Ask them if they have ever noticed you talking down to others. They may have noticed something you didn’t!

2. Practice Active Listening

One of the best ways to improve how you interact with others is by practicing active listening. Active listening is the act of showing the other person that you care about their opinion.

Below are some ways you can practice active listening:

You should pay attention to what the other person is saying. Put away distractions and focus on what they are telling you.

Maintain eye contact and show the other person that you are listening to them. You can even lean forward when someone is speaking to show that you are engaged.

Ask questions! By asking questions, you are allowing the other person to explain their ideas further.

This allows you to understand their point of view and shows that you care about what they have to say.

“Active listening is a skill that you can improve over time.”

“If you pay attention and really listen to what others have to say, you will notice yourself becoming less condescending.”

3. Choose Your Words Carefully

The words you use can portray a ton about you. If you want to stop being condescending, you should be careful about what you say to others.

Here are some tips on choosing your words carefully:

Use simple terms that will be easy for others to understand. There’s no need to bombard someone with big words that they’ll never understand.

If you are explaining something to someone, try to simplify it instead of overwhelming them.

Before you talk to someone, think about their knowledge on the subject. Would they know what you’re talking about? It’s easy to come off as condescending when you use big words.

People don’t know what you do for a living, so don’t act like they should know every detail.

You should also be careful of the tone you use and the phrases you say. Something as simple as “of course” can be condescending.

Try to avoid using the word “you” too much. Using “we” will allow you to connect with others on a deeper level.

Instead of saying, “Why don’t you try…” say, “Why don’t we try…”

Little changes like this will allow you to avoid coming off as condescending to others.

4. Empathize with Others

Empathy is the best way to connect with others and eliminate condescension from your vocabulary. Empathy is when you can understand how someone else feels.

When you empathize with others, you are allowing yourself to see things from their point of view. This will allow you to be less condescending towards others because you will understand how they feel.

Here are some ways to improve your empathy skills:

Think about how you would feel in that situation. Have you ever felt insecure about your job or hobbies?

Try to think of times that you’ve felt the way that someone is feeling and project that onto them.

Try to experience new things. Visit museums, learn about other cultures, and speak to people who are different than you.

The more you experience, the more you will open your mind and understand how other people think.

As you continue to learn and understand how others think, you will find yourself being less condescending to others.

Check out this related article: 7 Ways to Stop Being a Toxic Person

5. Stay Humble

Another way you can improve your behavior is by staying humble. Remember that everyone you will ever meet is going to be better than you at something.

Just because you may know more about a certain subject doesn’t mean that you’re better than everyone else. There will always be someone out there that knows more about cars than you do.

When you know that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that you will never know it all, you will be less condescending to others.

Not only will staying humble make you less condescending, but it will allow you to empathize with others.

Realizing that other people have gone through struggles as well will make you less likely to look down on them.

Practice accepting feedback from others. You are not perfect, and nobody is expecting you to be.

If someone points out something that you could be better at, don’t get defensive. Use the feedback to better yourself and help others better themselves, too!

6. Ask For Feedback

You can learn a lot about yourself by asking for feedback from others. Not only will this help you recognize when you may be coming across as condescending, but it shows others that you care about how you interact with them.

Here’s how you can ask for feedback:

Pick a person that you trust and ask them for their honest opinion. Be sure to ask the person how you come across when you two interact.

You can say something like, “I want to make sure that I’m respectful to others. Can you tell me if I come off as condescending to you?”

Once you receive feedback from your friend, be sure to practice active listening. Don’t get defensive, and take notes if you have to, too.

Try to see the criticism as a positive thing and not something personal. Constructive criticism is great because it will help you better yourself!

7. Practice Patience and Understanding

If you want to stop being condescending, you have to practice patience and understanding when you speak to others.

This is extremely useful when you are talking to someone about a subject that you’re knowledgeable about.

Let’s say you’re talking to someone about cars, and they mention that a V12 engine has 12 cylinders. You know they’re wrong, but instead of immediately telling them they’re wrong, practice your patience.

Here are some ways you can show patience when speaking to others:

Listen to what the other person has to say. Be present when someone is talking to you and give them your undivided attention.

Hold eye contact and nod periodically to show the person that you are listening. You can even say “I see” or “That’s interesting” every now and then.

By doing this, you allow the other person to feel as if you care about their opinion. You’re no longer just waiting for your turn to speak.

Take a deep breath before you reply. This will buy you some time to formulate a response that isn’t condescending.

Try to understand where the other person is coming from. If someone believes that a V12 has 24 cylinders, ask them why they think that.

Asking questions will allow you to understand their thought process and maybe educate them on why they’re wrong.

Remember to stay humble! Just because you know something doesn’t mean that you should flaunt it in everyone’s face.

8. Acknowledge Other’s Contributions

A great way to stop being condescending is to learn to acknowledge other’s contributions. When talking to someone, you should always find something positive to say about what they are telling you.

Here are some tips on how to acknowledge others:

Look for something good to say about what someone is saying. Even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying or feel like they’re leaving things out, find something positive to say about their statement.

For example, if someone is giving a presentation at work and you think that they’re doing a horrible job, don’t jump right into what they’re doing wrong.

Start your feedback with something positive such as, “That’s a good point, but have you thought about…”

By starting your feedback with something positive, you’re establishing that what they’re saying does matter.

Use phrases like, “I see what you’re saying.” Or “That’s a good idea.” Avoid using phrases like “that’s obvious” or “of course.”

Instead of immediately telling someone how they can expand on their ideas, try to piggyback off of what they’re saying.

You could say something like, “I like where you’re going with that. Here’s something we can add to take it a step further.”

By implementing these tips, you will no longer point out what others are doing wrong. You will learn to acknowledge their contributions, which will allow you to be less condescending.

9. Have a Growth Mindset

Having a growth mindset will allow you to become less condescending. A growth mindset means that you believe you can always learn new things.

If you have a fixed mindset, you believe that you are only capable of knowing a limited amount of information.

When you have a fixed mindset, you tend to come off as condescending because you think you know everything.

When you have a growth mindset, you will listen to others because you know there is always something to learn from someone.

Here are some ways that you can develop a growth mindset:

Instead of viewing disagreements as someone trying to prove that they’re right, view it as an opportunity to learn.

If someone brings up an odd way that they like to cook chicken, don’t immediately tell them that they’re doing it wrong.

Ask them where they got their idea from. This will open up a conversation and allow you to learn something new.

Congratulate others on their success. If someone else around you is better at something that you’re passionate about, be happy for them.

Instead of getting pissed off that you’re not as good as them, congratulate them and use their success as motivation to better yourself.

As you begin to embrace a growth mindset, you will open your mind to learning from everyone you speak to.

You’ll understand that every person has something that they can teach you, and you will no longer be condescending to others.

Read Also: Toxic Behavior: 7 Different Types & Tips to Overcome Them

10. Don’t Assume Anything

Whenever you talk to someone about a certain subject, you should never assume they know anything about what you’re talking about.

By speaking to someone like they know nothing, you’re already coming off as condescending.

Here are some tips that will help you avoid assuming:

Ask questions before you jump into an explanation. You can ask someone, “Are you familiar with…” or “What’s your experience with… been.”

This will give the person you’re talking to a chance to tell you what they know about the subject.

Avoid completing someone else’s sentence. We all do this from time to time, but avoid thinking that you know what someone is going to say next.

You may be wrong, which will only make you appear condescending. Let the person finish their thoughts before you jump in with your own.

These are just a few ways that you can stop being so condescending. If you can implement these tips into your daily life, you will notice a change in how you interact with others.

You’ll no longer have the need to look down at others because you’ll understand that everyone has something to teach you.

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How to Stop Being Condescending: 10 Tips to Improve Your Behavior