I used to think healing was black and white. You walk on a bridge and get to the other side. You set a goal and make a plan, crossing it off your list one day. As I grew up, though, I realized healing isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. Sometimes it curves, doubles back, and you feel like you lost ground on the battle you fought so hard to win.
I’ve sat down convinced I was over it, only to find it tugging at my chest when I least expected it.
Here’s what I’ve learned: healing doesn’t mean getting over something. It means changing your relationship with what happened (and who you are) so you can live your life without looking back. Healing means finding strength in the storm, purpose in suffering, and stillness in turmoil. It isn’t something you do once and never think about again. It’s a continuous process that happens differently for each person.
How to Heal Yourself — 5 Ways
1. Accept Your Present Situation
Acceptance is the first step toward true healing. Instead of resisting where you are right now, meet your situation with acceptance. Many folks waste months — sometimes years — convincing themselves they should be “over it” by now. But the more you fight where you are emotionally, the more difficult it is to heal.
Acceptance doesn’t mean instant liking. You can accept something happened without pretending it wasn’t painful or traumatizing. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association says acceptance-based coping helps people heal from emotional pain by reducing stress.
Acceptance frees up your energy to focus on healing rather than denial. You can’t change the past, but you can heal how it affects you in the present.
Read also: 20 Rules That Will Make You Dangerous
2. Practice Self-Care on Every Level
Your body, mind, and emotions all play a role in healing. Pain is often thought of as emotional, but your brain and body are intimately connected. When your physical health is poor, it can negatively impact your ability to heal emotionally.
Self-care looks different for everyone, but at its core, it means taking care of your body, mind, and emotions. This can look like sleeping when you’re tired, eating nutritious foods, and moving your body regularly. Emotional self-care might look like learning stress-relief techniques, setting healthy boundaries, or getting professional support when you need it.
Your brain and body are connected, which means taking care of your physical health builds mental resilience. You can’t heal on an empty stomach or when your anxiety is through the roof. By practicing self-care on all levels, you create the environment your body and mind need to begin healing.
Read also: 51 Self-Care Weekend Ideas
3. Allow Yourself to Feel
Opening yourself up to healing means allowing yourself to feel every emotion under the sun. Many people try to skip this step because they don’t want to feel pain. But bottling up how you feel won’t make the emotions disappear.
Allowing yourself to feel means giving yourself permission to sit with your emotions. Take time to feel your sadness, anger, grief, disappointment, or even relief. You can do this through journaling, talking it out with a friend, or sitting quietly with yourself.
Research from UC Berkeley shows naming emotions helps you regulate them and reduces emotional intensity. Simply put, when you name how you feel, you regain control.
PUSHING DOWN YOUR EMOTIONS can lead to stress and frustration. And when you don’t allow yourself to feel your pain, it might turn into anxiety or physical symptoms. When you allow yourself to feel emotions, take a deep breath and remind yourself those feelings don’t define you. They will pass.
Read also: 10 Effective Coping Skills for Managing Tough Emotions
4. Reach Out to Others
Though you may want to hide from the world when you’re hurting, isolation doesn’t nurture healing. One of the best things you can do when hurting is reach out to people who care about you. This could be friends, family members, a support group, or a therapist. Bottling up your emotions and struggling through pain alone will only compound your problems.
We’re designed to connect to one another. It’s how we’re wired. Surround yourself with nonjudgmental people who are willing to listen when you need to talk.
Did you know that the happiest people reach out to others after a traumatic event? The Harvard Study of Adult Development found social connection is the number one predictor of long-term happiness and emotional well-being. Healing from pain or trauma is no different.
5. Be Patient with the Process
Healing isn’t a race. You don’t get points for healing quickly, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you take longer than expected. Some days will feel like leaps and bounds forward. Others, you might feel like you’re back at square one. And that’s okay.
Give yourself the same grace you’d offer someone you love. Healing takes time, and although your pain might not vanish overnight, it will lessen with time. One day, you’ll be able to think about what happened and feel calm. You’ll laugh and live your life again, and one day you’ll realize the scar isn’t as deep as it used to be.
Final Thoughts
Want to know how to heal yourself? Accept where you are. Treat your body, mind, and emotions with care. Let yourself feel all the emotions. Reach out to others for support, and don’t forget to be patient with the process.
It won’t always be this hard. You may never forget what happened, but you can heal enough to learn how to live with it. Healing is a process, and you are worth the work it takes to find peace again.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does healing mean I have to “get over” what happened?
Healing doesn’t mean getting over something. It means changing your relationship with what happened (and who you are) so you can live your life without looking back.
Why do I feel like I’m doing better, then suddenly feel bad again?
Healing isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. Sometimes it curves, doubles back, and you can feel like you lost ground even after working hard.
What if I don’t want to feel my emotions because it hurts?
Many people try to skip this step because they don’t want to feel pain. But bottling up how you feel won’t make the emotions disappear.
What if I don’t have anyone to talk to?
Reaching out can include friends, family members, a support group, or a therapist. Isolation doesn’t nurture healing, and you don’t have to struggle through pain alone.
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