A while ago, after an exhausting day, I snapped at a friend over a small misunderstanding. Immediately after, I felt ashamed—but I also realized that I hadn’t processed the stress and frustration that I’d been bottling up all day. It all came rushing out when I least intended it to. Later that night, I had an epiphany:
How you deal with negative emotions doesn’t just affect outbursts. It affects your ability to take control of your life.
If you’ve ever let anger, sadness, anxiety, or jealousy control your life, even for a moment…then you know how I feel. The good news is that you CAN learn how to handle negative emotions instead of letting them control you. Here are ten simple ways to deal with negative emotions effectively.
How to Handle Negative Emotions
1. Pause Before Reacting
When you’re feeling angry, frustrated, or upset, your brain’s primitive side wants to reply, shout, or do something right now. Notice this impulse, and consciously take a pause.
Count to ten.
Take three deep breaths.
Step outside if you have to.
WHY IT WORKS: Sometimes you don’t need to do something. You just need to remove yourself from the triggering situation and regain composure.
Next time you’re in the middle of an argument and you feel that fiery emotion bubbling inside you, DON’T say the first thing that comes to mind. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then respond in a civil manner. You’ll thank yourself later.
Read also: 10 Ways of Managing Overwhelming Emotions
2. Label the Emotion Specifically
“You can’t change what you can’t accept.”
The first step to dealing with negative emotions is accepting that you’re feeling a certain way. Be honest with yourself:
What emotion am I feeling?
Are you angry? Frustrated? Hurt? Anxious? Jealous? Ashamed? Worried? Give the emotion a name.
Journaling is one of the best ways to reflect on your emotions and improve your self-awareness. Try these prompts:
- “I feel frustrated because…”
- “I feel anxious about…”
Take a moment to really ask yourself what you’re feeling. Being able to identify your emotions is the first step to taking action.
Read also: 5 Social Emotional Health Activities
3. Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment
As human beings, we tend to fight off negative emotions. But denying how you feel will only cause those emotions to fester inside you.
Accept how you feel.
“I know I’m sad, upset, or angry right now, and that’s OK.”
Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling, but don’t act on it. By simply admitting that you’re feeling a certain way, you’ll feel better immediately.
Read also: 12 Ways to Handle Negative Criticism
4. Take Deep Breaths
I’m willing to bet that you didn’t know this exercise was even considered stress-relieving…
Your body holds tension when you’re upset. Breathing deeply regulates your tension.
Try it out:
- Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds
- Exhale through your mouth for 6 seconds
After continuing this pattern for a minute, you’ll feel a sense of relief. I promise.
This is because you’re bringing more oxygen to your brain and calming the f**k down.
Tip: Do this breathing technique anytime you start feeling anxious, stressed, angry, or impatient.
5. Redirect Towards Problem-Solving
Got your emotions under control? Good.
Ask yourself:
Can I fix the situation?
If yes: Make a plan and solve the problem.
If no: Accept that you can’t and redirect towards things you can control.
Redirecting your emotions towards problem-solving empowers you to take control of your life. Suddenly you’re no longer helpless.
6. Vent Via Physical Exercise
Redirect that energy.
Anger, fear, and sadness are all forms of energy. Don’t let yourself sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Your body needs that energy to go somewhere.
If you can afford to, go for a run.
Do some pushups.
Go for a walk.
Do somehow get that energy out. You’ll feel better instantly.
Physical activity is not only a great way to sweat out your negative emotions, but it also releases endorphins—your brain’s “happy hormones.”
Take a walk outside. You’ll feel a lot better.
7. Talk to Someone About It
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to lash out at someone…only to realize that my anger wasn’t even about that person.
Talking about your problems will help you better understand why you feel the way you do.
Here are some tips on venting effectively:
- Be honest about how you’re feeling
- Avoid making accusations against others
- Listen to what the other person has to say
You don’t necessarily need this person to solve your problem. You just need them to validate your emotions.
8. Try to See Things from a Different Perspective
This ties in with shifting your focus towards problem-solving, but try to look at the brighter side of things.
Ask yourself:
What can I learn from this?
How can I look at this situation from a different angle?
Instead of thinking: “I failed.”
Think: “I tried my best, but it didn’t work out this time. What can I learn?”
Instead of thinking: “I got rejected.”
Think: “This person isn’t the right match for me.”
Redirecting your thoughts can greatly improve the way you feel.
This is called cognitive reframing.
9. Avoid Future Triggers When Possible
Sometimes, our negative emotions are less about one triggering event and more about a series of smaller events that we don’t even realize are affecting us.
These are called triggers.
Examples of triggers:
- Spending too much time on social media
- Surrounding yourself with negative people
- Working too much without taking breaks
- Watching the news too often
Obviously, you can’t avoid life’s problems. But you CAN avoid triggers that you have the power to avoid.
10. Cultivate Positivity With Gratitude
This is your emergency backup if all else fails.
You know how you can focus on the negative things in your life so easily? What if you tried focusing on the good things in your life?
Try incorporating gratitude into your daily routine:
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for today
- Reflect on the positive moments you had today
- Acknowledge the small victories you had today
By training your mind to look for the positive, you’ll find it easier to cope with negative emotions.
Key Takeaways
Dealing with negative emotions isn’t about never feeling sad, angry, or upset again. It’s about never letting your emotions control you.
If you use these 10 methods as guidelines for dealing with your negative emotions, you’ll find yourself in control more often than not.
Control leads to power. Response leads to action.
You are in control of your emotions, and how you respond to them. Let these tips guide you towards responding, not reacting.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you learn to not feel negative emotions?
No. But you can learn how to properly channel those emotions.
How long will it take before I can control my emotions?
Honestly? It depends on the person. Some people may take weeks, some may take months. But as long as you’re putting in the work, you’re on the right track.
Is it okay to vent?
Of course! Just make sure you’re venting to someone you trust, or in a journal. Don’t go yelling at your coworkers.
What if I feel like I keep slipping back into old habits?
That’s totally normal! Give yourself time. You’re human. The more you practice these tips, the faster you’ll recover.
Are there any books or resources you recommend?
Yes! Check out my recommended resources page to learn more about emotional control. There are also a number of therapists or coaches you can work with if your emotions feel unmanageable.
Save the pin for later
