A Girl came to me saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m nice. I look good, but I still don’t have a boyfriend.”
Girl, welcome to the club.
Truth is…it doesn’t matter if you’re nice.
And it also doesn’t matter if you look good.
Those things will help get men’s attention…but not build attraction or connection.
If you want to get a boyfriend, hoping and vibing won’t cut it.
You need to understand what you’re doing wrong, shift your mindset, and take action.
Now I’m not saying change who you are to become a man’s dream girl.
But you do need to position yourself in a way so the RIGHT type of man can find you, build a connection with you, want to choose you…and you choose him back.
Ready?
Let’s go.
1. Know Exactly What Kind of Boyfriend You Want
Most people say they want a boyfriend, but they honestly don’t know what they want.
Male figure. Happy holidays.
When you don’t know what you’re looking for, you date guys who don’t match that.
Stop.
Take a minute.
Think about what you really want.
- Do you want something casual or serious?
- Ambitious or easygoing?
- Sexy or sweet?
Get clear on what you want so you don’t find yourself wasting time with guys who aren’t it.
If you don’t know your deal breakers, you’ll accept less than you deserve.
Read also: How to start your day with intention – 8 Guides
2. Work On Your Confidence First
Plain and simple—if you don’t feel good about yourself, it won’t matter if you surround yourself with amazing men or put yourself out there.
Men can smell insecurity from a mile away, even if you’re pretending like you’re cool as fuck.
Stop dodging the issue.
If you:
- Constantly down on yourself
- Seek validation from others
- Feel like “you’re never enough”
You’ll need to fix that shit before you can find a boyfriend.
Here’s how to start building confidence:
- Work on areas of your life you feel insecure about
- Keep promises you make to yourself
- Speak your mind more often
You don’t have to be “perfect” to feel confident, you just have to be comfortable with who you are.
Read also: 12 Effective Confidence Building Exercises
3. Put Yourself In The RIGHT Environments
You’re not going to find a quality man hiding in your bed all day watching Netflix.
Guess what?
You have to go out into the world and actually put yourself in positions where you are able to meet men.
Join events.
Go to social gatherings.
Take classes.
Meet up with that guy you matched with on Bumble.
Ok, maybe not that last one.
I’m just saying you have to put yourself out there.
You can’t meet someone if you’re never around them.
Read also: Is Confidence Attractive? Everything You Need to Know
4. Improve Your Presentation
I’m not saying change who you are or turn into someone you’re not.
I’m saying take the time to present yourself better.
How you look.
How you dress.
Your body language.
These things matter.
You don’t have to look “perfect,” but you should look like you respect yourself enough to put effort into your appearance.
You know what they say…
People treat you how you present yourself.
5. Learn To Communicate Effectively
Ugh, I can’t even with people who give boring ass responses to texts.
You think you’re fooling him by being elusive, but you’re not.
If you:
- Give him short ass responses
- Don’t ask him any questions
- Aren’t even expressing yourself clearly
The conversation is going to come to a halt very quickly.
Check yourself:
- Ask him questions about himself
- Share your thoughts and feelings
- Lighten the mood with some humor
Communication is KEY in building a connection with someone.
Without it, there’s nothing.
6. Show Interest. Don’t Chase Him
This is a big one where most women F*CK UP.
There’s a fine line between showing interest and playing games.
And chasing him is playing games.
When you show interest, you:
- Respond to his texts in a timely manner
- Have proper conversations with him
- Make your schedule available to hang out every once in a while
When you chase a man, you:
- Text him 24/7
- Fall way too hard, way too soon
- Try WAY too hard to impress him
You have to allow him to build interest in you as well.
Attraction doesn’t thrive when one person is putting in all the effort.
7. Have Standards (& Follow Through With Them)
You can tell me you have standards all day long.
But if you let that guy continue to blow you off, you don’t have standards.
If you allow:
- Him to be disrespectful
- His inconsistency
- Mixed signals
You’re going to attract more of that bullshit.
True relationship standards look like:
- Ending things when you need to
- Not settling for less because you’re lonely
- Valuing quality over quantity when it comes to choosing men
Standards eliminate the unnecessary low-frequency boys so the high-value ones stand out.
8. Be Interesting, As Opposed To Just Interested
A friend of mine told me she wasn’t getting any guys because she was “too nice.”
Um…girlfriend, being nice isn’t going to get you any farther than getting his attention.
If the only thing you talk about is:
- Waiting for his texts
- How much you love talking to him
- You having no life outside of him
Then your ass is gonna become boring as hell.
Have a life outside of relationships.
- hobbies
- goals
- passions
The more fun and interesting you are, the more men will naturally be attracted to you.
9. Be Emotionally Available (But Don’t Come Across As Desperate)
Some people want a boyfriend so bad but are nowhere near emotionally available.
Others throw all their emotions out there immediately.
Find the balance.
Be emotionally available enough where you:
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable with him
- Gradually open up to him
- Don’t rush into intimacy
When emotions are invested too quickly, you either scare the man away or attract the type of guy who likes baggage.
Relationships shouldn’t be rushed.
10. Be Patient, But Don’t Wait Around Doing Nothing
You’re not ordering a boyfriend on UberEats.
It takes time.
But that doesn’t mean you just sit around and wait for him to fall into your arms.
Shit takes action.
You have to be patient enough to:
- Put in the work
- Learn from your mistakes
- Know when to adjust
Most girls try to rush things and turn dudes off.
And others wait around for nothing to happen.
Find a happy medium.
Conclusion
Getting a boyfriend isn’t about hoping he just comes to you.
It’s about putting yourself in a position where he can find you.
If you know what you want,
Work on yourself,
Put yourself out there,
Have standards,
You greatly increase your chances of not only finding a boyfriend,
But finding the right boyfriend.
Hell yah girl.
& LET ME KNOW DOWN BELOW what tips you already know and what ones you’re going to implement!
FAQ
Q: How long does it take to get a boyfriend?
There’s no telling how long it takes for you to find a boyfriend. It all depends on your environment, how much effort you put in, and if you have a clear idea of what you want.
Q: Can I attract a boyfriend without changing who I am?
You don’t have to change who you are as a person, but there are always things we can improve on. Whether that be your habits, mentality, or how you communicate.
CHANGE > OPTION
Q: I always seem to attract the wrong guys. Why?
Simple. You either aren’t using the right dating platforms, you have no standards, or you attract the same type of guy because that’s your dominant pattern.
Figure out which one applies to you and fix it.
Q: Should I make the first move?
Yes and no. Yes, you should reach out to him and show interest. But you shouldn’t always have to be the first person to text him every single time.
Shoot his ass a text every now and then too.
Q: Is it bad to be single for a long time?
Girl, please. Being single is better than being with the wrong guy. Use that time you have to yourself to better yourself!
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