I know how you feel about thinking your brain has betrayed you. You feel like you just missed something. You must’ve exaggerated or misread the situation.
But then it keeps happening. Every conversation turns into a maze. Every emotion you feel gets questioned. You find yourself saying, “Am I crazy? Am I the problem?”
I’ve been there—when it feels like everything you know and everything you stand for is under attack. But there’s no villain wielding a weapon. No slamming of doors. Just someone with a smile breaking you down piece by piece.
The thing about being with a narcissist is, it’s not the fights or the silence or the accusations that cut the deepest. It’s the way they chip away at you bit by bit. They can turn you into a stranger who questions their own thoughts. And just when you start to see what they’ve done to you, that’s when you realize it wasn’t done at random. They did it to distract you. They know these subtle mind games work because you’ll look crazy and they’ll look calm as they walk away smiling.
10 Ways Narcissists Manipulate You To Make You Look Crazy
1. They Spin Your Words Around
Word twisting. It’s a classic. You go into a conversation thinking one thing, but leave thinking you said the weirdest stuff. They take one sentence you say and repeat it to you days later like it’s your life story.
Soon, you begin questioning your own words. Did I really just say that? Why do I always feel wrong? The National Domestic Violence Hotline says this type of manipulation is common. Why? Because when you’re constantly second-guessing every word that comes out of your mouth, you feel disabled. You don’t know how to distinguish reality from lies.
Explaining yourself constantly takes too much energy out of you. And they know that. That’s why they do it.
READ: 13 Signs (red flags) You are Dealing with a Covert Narcissist
2. They Gaslight You Into Questioning Your Sanity
Speaking of questions, one of their best games is simply making you question everything. You heard something they said? They’ll tell you you’re hearing things. You saw something? Must’ve been your imagination. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking, “Maybe I have a bad memory. Maybe I’m too sensitive.”
Meanwhile, they sit there calmly smiling while you’re crying over nothing. They want you to feel crazy. To anyone else, they’re levelheaded while you’re overreacting. It’s a cycle that keeps feeding into itself—the more you question your sanity, the stronger they can pull this playbook over you.
READ: 5 Signs Someone Is Not a Good Person, Even If They Seem Nice at First
3. They Poke the Bear Until You Look Crazy
Have you ever noticed how fights with a narcissist always happen at the most inappropriate times? Why? Because they know how to push your buttons like a broken record. “Hey, you remember that time you said…” BOOM. They hit something at your core.
You lose it. Why? Because it hurts. They respond calm as hell, and slightly amused, if we’re being honest.
This isn’t an accident. They want you to look crazy. You’re yelling, crying, or shaking while they sit there cool as a cucumber. It’s all about perception, and they win.
READ: 10 Nighttime Behaviors to Do Before Going to Bed
4. They Talk About You Behind Your Back
While you’re off focusing on how to piece your sanity back together, they’re telling everyone else how crazy you are. “I’m worried about her, she’s been so emotional,” or “He seems so off lately.”
Sounds sympathetic, right? To anyone else, you’re losing your grip on reality while all they’re doing is caring about you. By the time you open your mouth, your narcissist has already made you look insane, and they look like they actually care.
5. They Act Like Things Didn’t Happen—Even If You Have Proof
You say something happened, and they turn into noodles. Even if you show them that text they just sent you saying otherwise, they’ll swear up and down it never happened. Suddenly, you’re the crazy one overreacting and misconstruing what they said.
Psychological research about gaslighting says denying things and deflecting allow abusers to make their victims question their credibility (Verywell Mind). You think you’re standing up for yourself, but to everyone else, it sounds like you’re obsessed.
6. They Play the Silent Treatment Game Until You Beg for Attention
At first, you think, “Oh, they must be angry. They just need some space.” Hold up. Space doesn’t mean ignoring you for days. Space means you both take a step back to cool off, THEN you come together to talk it out.
When narcissists give you the silent treatment, it forces you to question yourself. Then come the long texts. Why the long face? Did I do something wrong? Please talk to me. Please.
To someone who doesn’t know what’s going on, it looks like you’re running after them while they’re calmly taking a break. See how they manipulate the situation to their advantage?
7. They Laugh at Your Feelings in Public
“Are you serious right now? You’re so sensitive.”
Funny how saying that in private makes you question your feelings, but say that in public and boom—suddenly you look like a sensitive soul who has no reason to be upset.
Let me explain how this works: when they ridicule you in front of others, your feelings aren’t valid—they’re irrational. Suddenly, you feel stupid for speaking up.
8. They Pretend To Be the Sweetest Person to the World
Cold to you. Warm to everyone else. Feels supportive to everyone else. The more people LOVE THEM, the more you start to question yourself.
Did I really just cry over something so small? Why am I so sensitive? Everyone loves them, and you’re literally attacking them? No wonder they always make you feel crazy—because someone with millions of followers can’t possibly be that bad, right?
Once again, they want you to question every thought you have when you’re around them. It’s a total mind game. Because when you try to voice your experiences, it sounds like you’re totally insane to someone who thinks they’re the best.
9. They Highlight Your Errors and Conceal Theirs
Your tiny mistakes become massive problems. They will bring them up whenever they feel like it. Hell, they’ll even go to others about it. But tell them about something they did? Nope. Because that’s something they “won’t tolerate.”
Not only does this make you feel like you can never win, but you question every little thing you do because they’ll use it against you later.
10. They Force You To Validate Yourself
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation with them feeling crazy exhausted, THAT is why.
Lies. You were just explaining something to me. Wait… you didn’t say that? What did you say? Are you yelling at me?
Sound familiar? They make you question your every word. So by the time you do snap out of frustration, you literally look like you’re losing your cool. Hence, you must be crazy.
Why Do Narcissists Do This to You?
Because power. They love to have control over you. Making you look insane allows them to stay in that position of power—while you’re over here losing your mind trying to prove you have one.
That’s why I wanted to name these manipulations. I want you to realize that, yes, they are very much playing with your mind. But once you can recognize these tactics, you win.
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